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Parenting

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Original poster

Child access court outcomes

38 replies

L913 · 13/11/2020 11:21

Has anybody here been to court over child access? If so, what was the outcome? My ex & I do not get along but there is no concerns over our son. My ex currently has him every other weekend & half of all school holidays. He is taking me to court for an extra week night sleep on top of this as he feels that only seeing him every 2 weeks is too long to wait. I don’t want to allow any more access as I feel it would disrupt his routine. Advice please? Thanks!

OP posts:

WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo · 13/11/2020 11:56

It depends on what is in the best interests of the child so factors like childs age and the amount of travelling required will be important. The disruption will be balanced against more time with his other parent. I think that would only trump if the disruption were minimal and he could prove the child would not be negatively impacted.

2Kidsinatrenchcoat · 13/11/2020 13:31

Every other weekend, one night in every week, half the holidays and every other Christmas. It does depend on how far they have to travel but ex lived about half an hour away when the court order was made and the court still agreed to the school night overnight

Paperfox · 13/11/2020 17:16

@L913

Have you attended mediation yet?

They won't allow him to go to court until you have at least attended mediation to sort it out between yourselves.

If you attend mediation and it doesn't work or if you refuse then he can go to court (if he refuses mediation he won't get the forms to go to court)

At court the judge will probably agree between yourselves and if you can't agree then they make an order following fact finding and looking at the best interests of the child.

Personally If there are no issues of safeguarding and he wants to have his child for an additional night I would agree to it, your child will quickly adjust to a new routine.
However it's easy for someone removed from the situation to say that and you will always know what's best for your child.

Good luck in however things work out and the one thing I took from mediation is that whatever yours or your ex's decision is to make sure it is in the best interests of your child x

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families Family law General parenting Relationship problems

Lazypuppy · 13/11/2020 19:01

Depends on age of child, but if there are no concerns than an extra night in the week sounds good.

Its all about what is best for the child, which is the chance to develop good relationships qith both parents

Original poster

L913 · 13/11/2020 22:09

Children are 7 & 9. We tried mediation but we cannot agree I will not relent and he will not accept the current agreement.

OP posts:

OhCaptain · 13/11/2020 22:11

@L913

Children are 7 & 9. We tried mediation but we cannot agree I will not relent and he will not accept the current agreement.

Well, why should he? He wants to spend more time with his children. That’s perfectly reasonable.

Children adapt. The new arrangement would fast become their routine.

Unless there’s a massive drip feed coming your reasonings don’t hold up.

Original poster

L913 · 13/11/2020 22:12

Travel is around 15 minutes. What do you think made the court m agree on those arrangements? I am intrigued about what the courts decide is reasonable access

OP posts:

RedMarauder · 13/11/2020 22:15

If travel is 15 mins and the children are 7 and 9, them you are unreasonable refusing his request. It's about your children maintaining a good relationship with their father as well as you.

Jayaywhynot · 13/11/2020 22:21

Yep, you're on a loser here.
It's about the best interest of the DC and their best interest is served by having a relationship with both parents plus your EXH is an equal parent, you don't trump the father just because you're the mother.
Your DC will soon have a new routine, I'd sort it out amicably if I were you, you won't come across very well in court as you don't have much of an argument

TheOrigRights · 13/11/2020 22:27

One or two children.
Unless you have valid concerns for their welfare then I think their dad will be granted this additional access and you will come across badly.
Don't you think it's good for the children to see their father more then once every 2 weeks?

TheOrigRights · 13/11/2020 22:28

Courts take welfare of the children first, keep that in mind when you're thinking about all this.

ThisMustBeMyDream · 13/11/2020 22:29

He would probably get 50/50 if he asked for it when he lives such a short distance away.

Nymeriastark1 · 13/11/2020 22:31

Routine? They're 7 and 9 hardly babies that need naps and feeding every 2 hours. There's no welfare concerns so I don't see the problem.

Pebbledashery · 13/11/2020 22:32

I'm about to go to my first hearing.. But my case is very different to yours.. Ex is very violent and abused our daughter physically and psychologically.. He has a long police history of domestic abuse related crimes and stalking and harassment.. Due to the severity of the abuse I've been advised by my solicitor that contact is more than likely not going to be promoted or endorsed by CAFCASS due to the high level of safeguarding risks and that my ex is capable of murdering me or abducting our daughter... So I would say unless your partner puts your son at risk its almost certain he will get what he's asking for because you're not quite 50/50 are you? That's usually a starting point in Courts.

IWantT0BreakFree · 13/11/2020 22:34

Unless there's a drip feed incoming, you're not likely to win this battle in court if it comes to that. Yours certainly doesn't sound a very reasonable stance from what you've written so far.

Forget about what you want/what your ex wants/what you think is fair for you. It's 100% about the kids and their right to a relationship with both parents. Two weeks is a long time for two young children to be without one of their parents.

pickledplumjam · 13/11/2020 22:34

I can't see why he would be refused. We live an hour away and still were granted a weekday overnight plus EOW Friday pick up to Monday drop off. Why not work with him to try it and see how it goes. There's no way you'll win this one.

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/11/2020 22:36

Is there a reason you want to deprive your children of a good relationship with their father? He’s their equal parent. You not fancying a change and refusing to discuss it properly isn’t going to do you any favours in court.

fortsalem · 13/11/2020 23:00

Court would expect them to see dad for one evening per week (tea after school) unless there is a (really really good reason) not to.

Why is it you'd be against it?

Paperfox · 13/11/2020 23:14

The court is likely to side with the father unless you have a good reason of why he shouldn't have an additional night.

An ex partner of mine took his ex wife to court for access to his son. She gave accusations of abuse and safeguarding concerns (which were true, I was just to blind to see it at the time) but because she had no proof the court awarded on behalf of him and she came across really badly in court as refusing to coparent and was ordered to take a coparenting course.

Honestly, it's best to come up with a solution between yourselves before it gets to court as the judge will only tell you sort it between yourself or make a decision which is unlikely to go your way if you can't

Paperfox · 13/11/2020 23:18

And to your question about reasonable access - if you are both on the birth certificates you both hold equal parental responsibility so it is not unreasonable for him to request up to and including 50 / 50 access

PixelatedLunchbox · 13/11/2020 23:51

I think it's shameful that he has to take you to court to see his DC more than four days a month. Jesus. How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot???

VimFuego101 · 13/11/2020 23:58

It does seem like a long time for w child to go without seeing the other parent and what he's proposing doesn't sound at all unreasonable as long as it fits with school/ clubs and he can drop off at school the following day. Why would you want to block it?

Pebbledashery · 14/11/2020 00:01

Put it this way OP. If my ex was a decent bloke and was a good dad.. I wouldn't be preventing an extra nights contact if it was beneficial for my child.. Routines can be upheld at non resident parents house.. It seems like you're coming across as you're withholding contact because you don't like it.. This is coming from a woman whose withheld contact because social services ordered me to because my daughter is at severe risk of harm.
I wouldn't let your child's father drag you through courts for this. He seems like a decent father who wants to see his son more.. How can you withhold that..

Snaileyes · 14/11/2020 00:03

Tbh OP every other weekend is really bad and I don’t blame him, imagine how you’d feel if it was visa versa.

Ex lives ten mins from me and we have a very casual arrangement. I know it wouldn’t suit most people but we do it ad hock. The kids decide where they want to sleep for the night and that’s where they want to stay, (permitted we havnt made any arrangements) this is only allowed before school. It works out about 50/50.

Hell would freeze over before my dh said I could see my kids fortnightly and the sane for him. The kids love us both the same.

15 minutes is nothing. It’s less than the journey time to school.

Please don’t say this is anything to do with CM...

Rtmhwales · 14/11/2020 00:14

I have zero doubts you'll lose in court unless there's documented proof he's abused the children. Wouldn't be unlikely he'd get more than that if he asked for it too, given their ages.

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