I don't like sharing my baby

[ASomers]

Does anyone feel the same? My DD is 10 weeks old and I struggle when anyone else holds her. We only let grandparents hold her due to covid but I don't like when they come round and there's an expectation to pass her round. I sit watching and itching to take her back. I have an overwhelming feeling that she's mine. She grew inside me and now that she's in the world, everyone wants a piece of her. I find that it's a personal struggle to balance everyone's expectations and I feel saddened that she'll become 'less mine' as she gets bigger. I know that she needs to grow up and become independent. I hope I'm not alone here!

Well you cant help how you feel but I didn't feel like that at all. I was so happy other people adored them and wanted to spend time with them.

They are teens now and still have a close relationship with grandparents and my sister.

I felt the same with mine. Don’t be afraid to take her back, baby needs a feed/nappy change/mummy cuddle whatever. She isn’t a doll to be passed around.

I totally sympathise. You'll get a lot of people coming here and making comments such as 'Precious First Born ?' but I totally know how you feel.

I never passed mine around to be held, with the first baby I think it upset a few people and I was exactly the same with my second, by which time everyone knew the score so were fine with it.

One thing (probably the only thing, because it's shit) at least that good about lockdown is that you won't have to put up with strangers reaching into your buggy/sling to touch your baby or try to take them out of your arms!

Aw, I know what you mean OP. I have felt like this on and off at different stages of my kids lives, eg. Starting school, I felt like I was losing them.
Its early days, 10 weeks is still so tiny I think this is perfectly natural. Xx

Yes, I hated that too. I waited so long for a baby and wanted to spend every minute holding him (when he wasn't screaming) .

I don't get it either, why are people so keen to hold babies that aren't theirs? I'd much rather hold a kitten/puppy/any other animal baby!

I felt the same...I had a really good think about what it was. I realised that it wasn't the holding but the difficulty in getting my son back that made me anxious. My MIL and two of my close friends made it difficult for me, they would hold on tight and say no. Which in hindsight is really weird behaviour and no wonder it made me feel odd.
Is anything like this happening?

I think what you feel can be normal but ask yourself will it really hurt if grandma cuddles him for 30 mins.

Use the time to get a bath, pop to the shops etc.

It's nice to foster a close relationship between your DC and wider family members.

I'm currently pregnant but feeling anxious about passing baby around simply because I'm not close with my family and already feel a little overprotective so I know how you feel.

I didn't mind the cuddling so much but I hated when my babies were crying and other people were trying to comfort them. Even if they had just been fed and I knew they weren't crying to be fed. I just felt so overwhelmingly that I was their mum and they needed me. I understand you op. The feelings die down a bit over time. You'll come to enjoy seeing your baby interact with other people, it's lovely.

I know exactly what u r feeling OP. In fact my LB is now 19 months and I still feel like that. I hate leaving him, ever and it makes me upset. I have such a close bond with him that I just don't ever want to be without him.

With that being said, I know how much it benefits him and other family members for them to have a relationship. He stays overnight with grand parents maybe once every 2 weeks and he spends around 3 afternoons a week with grandparents while I work. I even hate that but I then I see the relationship they have and I guess I love that my child is loved by other people and that he loves other people too. It really is such a struggle and sometimes I wonder if motherhood is just so overwhelming. I am pregnant with number 2 - due beginning of March - and I just know I will be the exact same. Even though most people say you are more relaxed with your second.

My little one is 8 months now and it's only just become easier, more so I think because he's crawling and pulling himself up so he's very mobile and can't be 'monopolised' for want of a better word.

You'll get plenty of people trying to tell you you must be awful and you won't appreciate how good it is to have the time to yourself until you have another one etc etc but it's completely normal to feel that way, they're your baby after all and sometimes people really do go far too OTT when babies are concerned, regardless of who they are

I'm the same, although I'm ok with friends and less so with grandparents! It is getting better as time goes on but my HV said the other day to be careful re holding at the min. We had one set of grandparents round today and said no holding and they were fine. It's the getting baby back thing for me too. I just freeze, it's weird.

I was the same with all of mine. I've never had an interest in other peoples babies/children. I never held a baby before my first so I struggled to understand why people were so intent on holding my child. I felt I had waited such a long time to meet this person living inside of me that I didn't want to share a moment with anyone else.

I have this with in laws. When we visit them my partner instantly hands DD to one of them and then it's 'their go' for the 2-3 hours we're there. She usually just sleeps so can't use nappy etc for an excuse to have her back. They also totally ignore us as parents, when one of them is holding her and wants to say drink their tea, they ask each other to hold her whilst they do that. I've been trying to suck it up because it makes my partner happy to let them do this, but think I'm going to assert myself in future and take her back at some point in the visit. I also think it's a bit sad they don't seem to want to see their son being a dad and holding his daughter, take pics of them together etc. I feel this more with PIL because of politeness I can't just say 'give me my baby back' like I would with my own family. I hate the expectation that DD should just be handed over on arrival when she's only 9 weeks and this has been going on since birth too.

I felt exactly the same OP, the first 3 months I really struggled with anyone touching them. By the time they were around 1 I was fine with it but I still struggle being away from them (although I hide it from them of course) - my oldest has been on holiday without me several times and I utterly hate it and am so, so miserable the whole time

@Esmeralda1988 do assert yourself I had this with my inlaws (who we went nc with). It almost tipped me over the edge. I've learnt how I won't behave if I become a grandparent. I just don't understand the fascination with other people's babies. You wouldn't snatch an animals newborn from it's mother

Coming at it from the other side- both children now grown up- it is a great comfort to me in difficult times to remember that they grew up so surrounded by love and formed their own relationships with a large loving family. Some of those people are gone now, but my son and daughter can still look at the pictures and see how they were loved. Others are still around and my children have their own individual relationships with them that don't have to go through me. With the right kind of family, it's a warming thing to feel part of a larger whole.

(then of course there are other families...)

@OohKittens I will. Also the last time we saw them MIL referred to herself as 'mummy' when talking to DD. What sort of creepy fuckery is that! DD was in special care when born and I really struggled to view her as mine so I think now I finally do it's adding to the displeasure of watching other people take over for extended periods of time.

Congrats Op, totally normal it will get easier as your DD grows.

I never felt like that, I was so happy when people cooed over them Watching them form their own relationships with the other people I love has been one of the greatest pleasures I've had as a mother. My ds is 19 now, he nips in to see his grandparents as he walks home from college, I love the fact he can wrap my mother round his little finger, I wish I'd known how to do it.

Obviously COVID has changed some things.

Just wanted to reassure you you’re not alone. The first time she met grandparents was so hard watching her be passed from person to person. I cried so much after. Now my partner makes sure she comes back to me after a few minutes. Maybe you could ask someone to run an intervention like this. She will never be less yours, trust me there. You will always be her mum and she’ll love you more than anything

I have tried to do this but she cries with anyone else but me, including her father. It stresses me too much to listen to her crying so much...

I'm with @corythatwas @SenorFrog and @AdelaideK

You can't help how you feel, but don't push away people who are also pre-programmed to love your little one unconditionally. I love the fact that my dc have close and loving relationships with the one set of grandparents who are still alive, and have photos and memories of all those who have died during their childhood and teen years.

Thank you everyone. It's encouraging that so many of you feel the same. I resonated with so much of what you were all saying xxx

I think it’s awful when mums are like that with their babies/children. No they aren’t a toy to be passed around but it’s also important to develop relationships with your nearest & dearest. I have wonderful memories of spending nights at my grandparents house or my aunts house. I also wonder how you will feel if you become a grandmother and your DD or DIL don’t let you anywhere near their baby/child. Must be heartbreaking. I will add I wouldn’t fob my child off to any Tom, Dick or Harry but my nearest and dearest should have a relationship with them.