Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

dd1 banned forever from a friend's house [hmm]

51 replies

geekgirl · 15/10/2007 17:44

I'm not really sure why I'm posting - to get it off my chest I guess because it's all a bit weird and I know dh's eyes will glaze over

Dd1 went to a friend's (E) sleepover party a year ago. A few days later she started telling me that E told her that she is banned from her house because she was naughty. Dd1 had genuinely no idea why that would be so, and I didn't ask E's stepmum (she lives with dad & stepmum) what happened because I thought it was just E being manipulative yet again.
E is one of those little girls who is extremely manipulative, lots of whispering whilst looking at people, playing people against each other etc., etc., so didn't think anymore of it really.
I invited her over to our house a few times but her stepmum always made excuses.

She did eventually come to dd1's birthday party in the summer hols, brought there by her real mum. Her real mum proceeded to tell me that she wanted to distance herself from 'this whole thing of dd1 being banned from E's house'. I was pretty surprised - which changed eventually to being mightily pissed off. I have always welcomed E to our house, despite the fact that I really loathe the whispering/giggling and, particularly awfully, that she subtely makes fun of dd2, both when she has been here and at school .

Anyway - I ended up pretty much ignoring her stepmum in the school playground as a result. Today she asked me to walk to the park with her for a chat, and explained the situation: apparently dd1 repeatedly took a juice carton into their living room despite having been told not to, and during the night tried to egg E on to get some more goodies from the fridge (according to E, anyway). E's father thus decreed that forever more dd1 would not be welcome there and E would not be allowed to our house (she came to the party because it was the weekend she spends with her real mum).
E's stepmum was terribly apologetic and we made up - but the ban continues because what E's father says is 'the law'.

I'm not particularly upset about dd1 not being allowed to mix with E outside school, but it just seems so mad . Dd1 is not a naughty child, and at the time she had only just turned 7. And it's been a year . Mad, or what?

The thing is, I've met the dad before this 'incident', and we've had perfectly pleasant conversations. Can't stop myself from thinking he's a bit deranged now.

Of course E has been gleefully reminding my dd1 of this ban for the past year on an almost daily basis

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Carmenere · 15/10/2007 17:46

The Dad is an idiot. Poor stepmum and poor ex wife.

Original poster
geekgirl · 15/10/2007 17:47

oh crikey that's long

OP posts:
Carmenere · 15/10/2007 17:48

Reminds me of when I was about 12 a friends dad took a dislike to me and didn't want me around his dd. Which was laughable really as she was totally wild and I was probably one of the most respectable of her friends. It is very normal of small minded parents to want to blame their dc's bad behaviour on other kids.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting
wildwoman · 15/10/2007 17:48

sounds a bit odd, does your dd remember any of what he says happened?

Tortington · 15/10/2007 17:51

itsnot the dad - she is a lying cow

Tortington · 15/10/2007 17:52

if nothing else why would, should, could this message be pased through "e"

juvinile, unpleasant and cockheaded to tell your child her friend is banned for many reasons

claricebeansmum · 15/10/2007 17:53

I reckon the whole family is best avoided.

Being banned for taking juice into the wrong room?

Piggy · 15/10/2007 17:53

The mighty custy is right as ever. Stepmum has been rumbled and she's bullshitting her way out of it.

bossykate · 15/10/2007 17:53

dump them all! especially e who sounds like a poisonous little cow.

Carmenere · 15/10/2007 17:53

Why on earth would you need to impose a life bann on a child anyway, just don't invite them anymore. It is very odd behaviour.

frogs · 15/10/2007 17:58

Teach your dd to reply:

"I don't want to come to your house anyway, so there."

Bunch of pointless people. Rise above it.

OrmIrian · 15/10/2007 18:00

I think it sounds very odd. Is your DD upset? 'E' sounds utterly vile!

I was once banned from a neighbours house for putting a milk bottle on the tea tray when she has some woman over for afternoon tea. Mother was a snobby cow with a chip on her shoulder. My parents were a great deal more 'posh' fwiw, but wouldn't have batted an eyelid

Original poster
geekgirl · 15/10/2007 18:01

I've not been able to ask dd1 yet - she was at someone else's house until now. I doubt she'd remember much...

I'm not sure whether it was the stepmum... they're both American and sometimes it feels like the American parents live in some kind of parallel universe.... (60% Americans at school)

Thanks for making me feel better

OP posts:
DrNortherner · 15/10/2007 18:13

They sound weird geekgirl. Good on you for making up with the step mum though, don't think I could.

It's pretty mad to ban a small child from your house I think.

pointydog · 15/10/2007 18:15

Have nothing more to do with any of them.

Original poster
geekgirl · 15/10/2007 18:18

stepmum said I'd be welcome to take E to the park after school, but not to our house

Yeah right, I thought

OP posts:
3Ddonut · 15/10/2007 18:19

They definitley sound like a family to avoid, have just read your profile btw, wondered where you lived where 60% of the pop in school are American, and now I know, I'm even more confused! Also, after reading your profile, my blood is boiling that 'E' makes fun of dd2, time to teach your dd that not all people are nice?!

Nbg · 15/10/2007 18:19

Is that not what kids do when they are at other peoples houses?

Its different when your at home because you just ask your parents but when your at someone elses house the rules change dont they, especially when theres good stuff in the cupboards

Nutso family if you ask me.

OrmIrian · 15/10/2007 18:20

I think you should suggest to stepmum, ever so politely, that you wouldn't touch 'E' with a bargepole.

Original poster
geekgirl · 15/10/2007 18:22

donut, we live next to a huge US spy base. They do have an elementary school on base but some prefer the village school .

OP posts:
cheeset · 15/10/2007 18:24

Aren't people bloody weird.

I hate the school social life, it can make you so miserable- you just want to say FGS WHATS WRONG WITH YOU?!
You can't though because you have to see the parents every day-it sucks and you feel like an arse licker but you really want to say f* off

Distance yourself from all of them, just walk a different way, stand in a different place in the school, wear sunglasses to avoid eye contact, that's what I would do and have done

Original poster
geekgirl · 15/10/2007 18:27

I'm really fed up because E looooooves rubbing it in all the bloody time, and dd1 is usually pretty desperate to be liked so I get almost daily reports about what E has said to her today (you're banned from my house, I don't like your hair clip etc., etc.)

I keep telling her to rise above it but it just ain't happening!

OP posts:
YeahBut · 15/10/2007 18:30

TBH, I'd be mightily relieved that my child wasn't going to be spending too much time with that family. Mad as a bag of frogs from the sound of it.

ontheoutside · 15/10/2007 18:31

tbh I would tell your dd1 to tell E that she doesn't want to go to her house anyway and that she smells. maybe not really but it would definitely be tempting.

chipmonkeyPumpkinNorks · 15/10/2007 18:34

Geekgirl, I would get your dd to start inviting another child home or arrange playdates with other children. Maybe help her to get out of this child's shadow. The cheek of them!