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Original poster

dd1 banned forever from a friend's house [hmm]

51 replies

geekgirl · 15/10/2007 17:44

I'm not really sure why I'm posting - to get it off my chest I guess because it's all a bit weird and I know dh's eyes will glaze over

Dd1 went to a friend's (E) sleepover party a year ago. A few days later she started telling me that E told her that she is banned from her house because she was naughty. Dd1 had genuinely no idea why that would be so, and I didn't ask E's stepmum (she lives with dad & stepmum) what happened because I thought it was just E being manipulative yet again.
E is one of those little girls who is extremely manipulative, lots of whispering whilst looking at people, playing people against each other etc., etc., so didn't think anymore of it really.
I invited her over to our house a few times but her stepmum always made excuses.

She did eventually come to dd1's birthday party in the summer hols, brought there by her real mum. Her real mum proceeded to tell me that she wanted to distance herself from 'this whole thing of dd1 being banned from E's house'. I was pretty surprised - which changed eventually to being mightily pissed off. I have always welcomed E to our house, despite the fact that I really loathe the whispering/giggling and, particularly awfully, that she subtely makes fun of dd2, both when she has been here and at school .

Anyway - I ended up pretty much ignoring her stepmum in the school playground as a result. Today she asked me to walk to the park with her for a chat, and explained the situation: apparently dd1 repeatedly took a juice carton into their living room despite having been told not to, and during the night tried to egg E on to get some more goodies from the fridge (according to E, anyway). E's father thus decreed that forever more dd1 would not be welcome there and E would not be allowed to our house (she came to the party because it was the weekend she spends with her real mum).
E's stepmum was terribly apologetic and we made up - but the ban continues because what E's father says is 'the law'.

I'm not particularly upset about dd1 not being allowed to mix with E outside school, but it just seems so mad . Dd1 is not a naughty child, and at the time she had only just turned 7. And it's been a year . Mad, or what?

The thing is, I've met the dad before this 'incident', and we've had perfectly pleasant conversations. Can't stop myself from thinking he's a bit deranged now.

Of course E has been gleefully reminding my dd1 of this ban for the past year on an almost daily basis

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

fullmoonfiend · 15/10/2007 18:35

geekgirl and DrNorthener,

your presence requested here please!

pointydog · 15/10/2007 18:37

oh no, I wouldn't say anything unpleasant about E at all. Or about her family. I'd just be calm and silent about it all.

Wisteria · 15/10/2007 18:38

Your poor dd geekgirl - they sound off the planet to me!

I'd do more than distance myself and my dds - they sound foul people who are bringing their children up to be as petty, small-minded and foul as they are!

They also sound overbearingly strict which is probably why E would encourage your dd to take things (just a hunch).... they're kids fgs - don't they all nick stuff from the fridge??

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wheresthehamster · 15/10/2007 18:47

Agree with Wisteria without even knowing E I bet she took the stuff herself and was too scared to own up to her dad and blamed your dd.
E sounds horrible - I know some Es. But it's not always their fault. Try to get dd away from her and get some new friends.

julesrose · 15/10/2007 18:57

Isn't E now being a bit of a bully...? If a bully is someone who is consistently nasty to the same person...Could you tell the teacher what has happened? It seems horrible for your dd to have to put up with it on a daily basis.

Tamum · 15/10/2007 19:02

Agree with the others, whole family weird with possibly exception of the mother, and E is a bully. I would be mentioning her behaviour to the teacher, and making sure she was very obviously excluded from dd1's next party. Being mean about dd2 is absolutely inexcusable apart from all the rest of it. Grrrr on your behalf.

HysterSister · 15/10/2007 20:00

Let's see:

your child drinks juice in best room
their child makes fun of Downs' Syndrome child.

I know which one I'd prefer to have as a visitor.

HysterSister · 15/10/2007 20:00

Let's see:

your child drinks juice in best room
their child makes fun of Downs' Syndrome child.

I know which one I'd prefer to have as a visitor.

WideWebWitch · 15/10/2007 20:02

Mad, mad, what strange people. you're best of not mixing with them tbh

edam · 15/10/2007 20:05

What a horrible family. That child is going to grow up to have real trouble making friends. Imagine having to share an office with her!

WideWebWitch · 15/10/2007 20:05

Best OFF not of
blimey now I've just read they make fun of dd2, stepmum is barking cow

Santasmissyontheside · 15/10/2007 20:19

God what a weirdo the dad is

Wisteria · 15/10/2007 20:35

I think HysterSister hit the nail on the head really..

chipmonkeyPumpkinNorks · 15/10/2007 20:50

Your children are gorgeous, geekgirl!How could that little madam make fun of your dd2!

chipmonkeyPumpkinNorks · 15/10/2007 20:53

Was your dd2 really only 5 weeks old in that picture? She was well able to hold her head up!

Doodledootoo · 15/10/2007 21:10

Message withdrawn

Original poster

geekgirl · 15/10/2007 21:44

LOL, thanks all glad to hear everybody is in full agreement

Dd1 has plenty of other friends and playdates so thankfully not reliant on the little madam. She just wants to be liked by E though, she's got a bit of a tragic streak of wanting the alpha girl's approval even though I spend so much time talking to her about being friends only with those children who deserve her friendship by being nice people.

There are only 13 children in dd1 & E's year, which makes it hard to avoid her I suppose.

chipmonkey, she was really only 5 weeks old she was very nosey (and her head was only up for a second or two)

OP posts:

cornsilk · 15/10/2007 21:51

E sounds horrible and so does her dad. Very unkind.

Original poster

geekgirl · 16/10/2007 11:15

I still keep thinking about this and feel really aggrieved, mainly I think because E uses this as almost daily ammunition against dd1 and also loves telling other children's parents and other children in their class.

I think I might have to talk to their teacher about it.

OP posts:

cornsilk · 16/10/2007 11:17

Yes do - it is bullying.

CrushWithEyeliner · 16/10/2007 11:26

haven't read thw whole thread - this family sound like utter idiots. Leave well alone and tell your DD tyoua re happy happy to be banned from a house where she isn't allowed to have any juice to drink.

Really disgusting way to deal with children ffs

bozza · 16/10/2007 11:27

There is no wonder E is like this though, is there? If I disapproved of one of my children's friends and I would not tell my child that they were banned, partly because I would be mortified if it got back to the parents, and partly because I would worry about my child not being nice about it. I would just avoid inviting the child as much as possible. But I don't think I would prevent them being at each other's birthday parties.

melontum · 16/10/2007 11:37

DS got banned from a friend's house a few months ago -- he and other boy got into it. News of the ban also came to DS thru the other boy. The funny thing is I didn't want other boy coming to ours again before that, but was not saying it even to DS, afraid to create even more bad feeling (like bozza is saying).

Situation has now progressed to me asking DS to please avoid playing with other boy at all (in school or elsewhere, etc.) because I don't want an earful from his mother -- in her view my child is 100% to blame in every one of their conflicts, of course .

I honestly don't know what geekgirl can do about what E. is saying, except approach her parents very directly and just ask them to ask E. to stop reminding your DD. Doesn't sound like you have anything to lose.

Marina · 16/10/2007 11:41

Agree with what everyone else has said, especially hystersister and bozza - we all have children we'd be reluctant to have in our houses, but directly saying this to our own children? E's father sounds quite mad. She is clearly the product of a horrible upbringing and in a funny sort of way I feel sorry for her. But not very....

bozza · 16/10/2007 13:47

Marina I think hystersister was much more to the point that I was. geekgirl's dilemma does reinforce to those of us with an ounce of compassion and common sense (obviously not E's parents) how careful we have to be with our children and their playmates.

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