Fed up with the kids

[knowledge2020]

Me and my wife have been arguing a lot arguing. It has increased, at 1 point it would be around every 6 months which is fine but since a few years ago arguments have started becoming more frequent to the point it might have been every 3 months but it was narrowing down to every month. When arguments are monthly it’s not too bad but it probably is a bit much and then it started happening even more often than that so weekly or even daily. It varies now on when it can happen but it can happen on a twice the day after each other or it can happen a week after each other but on average I’ll say it’s happening weekly.

Me and my wife come to the decision that this is not doing any good, it’s not going to change so I think it’s better if we divorce and separate into 2 houses. I’m actually happy with the decision we will be getting a new property in for the kids, the arguing is getting a bit stupid, my wife has all these rules while if the kids come with me we will have less rules. It’s just the kids were crying when we mentioned the idea and they were both trying to beg us to stay in this house together and I don’t know what the big deal is I understand it can be hard but they'll see me or my wife when ever they want. They were crying but it's for the best for us to split up, the arguments are pathetic, we will have a second property so I don’t see what’s wrong. The kids were are trying to stop us from doing it and told told them we are going to get 2nd house.

I'm just a bit annoyed with them now because I was in bed the morning I was in bed and my wife woke up against the idea of the whole splitting up thing and she thinks we can stop the arguments which won’t happen and she is now refusing to give my share of this current house which I need to buy the new one. The kids caused my wife to go against the idea and the arguments are going to carry on they happen so frequent.

The kids could have had a 2nd house in the family but instead they have thrown the opportunity away. What is the big issue about us splitting up, they don’t like the arguments but they think they can just stop like that or because my parents were thinking of even getting a divorce and the kids think we can still live together being divorced and avoid each other.

I know it's not easy but you have to think there's more advantages than disadvantages

Can you try counselling to work through the issues causing the arguments.

You don’t sound remotely empathetic; you’ve just rocked your DCs’ world and you expect them to be comforted by the fact they’ll “have another house in the family”.

You’ve just told your children that their parents are splitting up and you’re annoyed at them for being upset about it?
Kids don’t care about second properties. Why would they? They care about security and love. Being told their parents are splitting has shaken their world. You need to work with them to make sure they know they’re still going to have the same love and security, not be annoyed with them for being upset.

Get some counseling. I feel very sorry for your kids being put in that position.

@Faynite

Can you try counselling to work through the issues causing the arguments.

You don’t sound remotely empathetic; you’ve just rocked your DCs’ world and you expect them to be comforted by the fact they’ll “have another house in the family”.

I understand it's not easy but they should have understood it's for the best

Having 2 houses isn’t really on the wish lists of most kids. Parents that give a shit they’re upset is much more of a priority for them.

Why ‘should’ they understand? That’s no should about it. You don’t get to tell them how they ‘should’ feel.

@QueenofLean

You’ve just told your children that their parents are splitting up and you’re annoyed at them for being upset about it? Kids don’t care about second properties. Why would they? They care about security and love. Being told their parents are splitting has shaken their world. You need to work with them to make sure they know they’re still going to have the same love and security, not be annoyed with them for being upset.

We have told them that

How old are your children?

@Smallsteps88

Having 2 houses isn’t really on the wish lists of most kids. Parents that give a shit they’re upset is much more of a priority for them.

Of course I "give a shit" about them and that's why I'm changing the unhealthy environment

@QueenofLean

How old are your children?

16 and 18

They are children, not adults, of course they don't understand the advantages of their parents splitting up!
You sound absolutely devoid of any emotion or empathy towards your poor children.

@QueenofLean

Why ‘should’ they understand? That’s no should about it. You don’t get to tell them how they ‘should’ feel.

Because they here the regular arguments all the time

You don’t give a shit they’re upset. You don’t even understand why they’re upset. You think they should be glad they’re getting a second home!

Children can realise that the environment they live in isn’t the best but be scared/upset about change.
My parents divorced when I was 16. Deep down I know it was for the best, but I was gutted.

@Smallsteps88

You don’t give a shit they’re upset. You don’t even understand why they’re upset. You think they should be glad they’re getting a second home!

I not annoyed because I'm annoyed because my wife won't release the money for the house and they've caused it. They are allowed to upset but now it's got to the point where they've gone to far to stop it happening

@QueenofLean

Children can realise that the environment they live in isn’t the best but be scared/upset about change. My parents divorced when I was 16. Deep down I know it was for the best, but I was gutted.

They should understand it's for the best as well

@QueenofLean

Children can realise that the environment they live in isn’t the best but be scared/upset about change. My parents divorced when I was 16. Deep down I know it was for the best, but I was gutted.

I mean they can be upset about it happening but it's too far to actually stop it from happening

As I said, there is no ‘should’. People feel differently about different things and you don’t get to choose their reaction to them.
Talk to your wife. If she’s refusing to release the money, it’s her you need to be having a conversation with. Leave the children out of it.

@QueenofLean

As I said, there is no ‘should’. People feel differently about different things and you don’t get to choose their reaction to them. Talk to your wife. If she’s refusing to release the money, it’s her you need to be having a conversation with. Leave the children out of it.

But if the kids didn't do anything I would have had the money now

Ah so it’s all about the cash then.

You want to leave. You want a second property. You want the money. You don’t want anyone to stand in the way of what you want, even if that’s your distressed kids.
Fab.

@QueenofLean

Ah so it’s all about the cash then.

No I need the cash to buy a safe environment to bring up the kids

@QueenofLean

You want to leave. You want a second property. You want the money. You don’t want anyone to stand in the way of what you want, even if that’s your distressed kids. Fab.

I want a new good environment for the kids that's safe

They’re not stopping it happening. You are free to leave. Go rent yourself a flat, employ a solicitor and go through a divorce. You’re just pissed your wife hasn’t rolled over and made it easy for you by handing over a chunk of cash without finding out what either of you are actually entitled to. I’m glad you’re wife has seen sense. Is she a MNer?