Fed up with the kids

[knowledge2020]

Me and my wife have been arguing a lot arguing. It has increased, at 1 point it would be around every 6 months which is fine but since a few years ago arguments have started becoming more frequent to the point it might have been every 3 months but it was narrowing down to every month. When arguments are monthly it’s not too bad but it probably is a bit much and then it started happening even more often than that so weekly or even daily. It varies now on when it can happen but it can happen on a twice the day after each other or it can happen a week after each other but on average I’ll say it’s happening weekly.

Me and my wife come to the decision that this is not doing any good, it’s not going to change so I think it’s better if we divorce and separate into 2 houses. I’m actually happy with the decision we will be getting a new property in for the kids, the arguing is getting a bit stupid, my wife has all these rules while if the kids come with me we will have less rules. It’s just the kids were crying when we mentioned the idea and they were both trying to beg us to stay in this house together and I don’t know what the big deal is I understand it can be hard but they'll see me or my wife when ever they want. They were crying but it's for the best for us to split up, the arguments are pathetic, we will have a second property so I don’t see what’s wrong. The kids were are trying to stop us from doing it and told told them we are going to get 2nd house.

I'm just a bit annoyed with them now because I was in bed the morning I was in bed and my wife woke up against the idea of the whole splitting up thing and she thinks we can stop the arguments which won’t happen and she is now refusing to give my share of this current house which I need to buy the new one. The kids caused my wife to go against the idea and the arguments are going to carry on they happen so frequent.

The kids could have had a 2nd house in the family but instead they have thrown the opportunity away. What is the big issue about us splitting up, they don’t like the arguments but they think they can just stop like that or because my parents were thinking of even getting a divorce and the kids think we can still live together being divorced and avoid each other.

How unusual and unlikely to be so unaware and cold

Why is their home not safe? Is someone abusive?

@Smallsteps88

They’re not stopping it happening. You are free to leave. Go rent yourself a flat, employ a solicitor and go through a divorce. You’re just pissed your wife hasn’t rolled over and made it easy for you by handing over a chunk of cash without finding out what either of you are actually entitled to. I’m glad you’re wife has seen sense. Is she a MNer?

It's my half of the house she isn't giving, I want to own a house and if I did move away the kids would be the same. No my wife is actually older than me

Surely this is a joke?

@Smallsteps88

Why is their home not safe? Is someone abusive?

My wife is controlling and was when they were younger

@lobsteroll

Surely this is a joke?

It's not a joke

So you’ll be removing them from a controlling parent and their home. Not simply providing a second home. They’ll be leaving their home and mother. And you can’t see why they’re upset?

@Smallsteps88

So you’ll be removing them from a controlling parent and their home. Not simply providing a second home. They’ll be leaving their home and mother. And you can’t see why they’re upset?

Yes it's a good thing to be leaving a controlling parent and they can see her whenever they want but not live because of safety

@knowledge2020

It’s just the kids were crying when we mentioned the idea and they were both trying to beg us to stay in this house together and I don’t know what the big deal is I understand it can be hard but they'll see me or my wife when ever they want. “

You sound like you are the sort of person who will do exactly what you want.
Buy your second house.
Don’t be surprised when your children hate so much for dismissing their pleas and feelings that they don’t set foot in it.

If your marriage is over and you are either unwilling to or have exhausted all options then you owe it to your children to treat them with far more love and care than you currently are. They won’t forget it.

And don’t be naive to expect that if your wife won’t want to formalise residence and contact arrangements.

The grass is not always greener

[quote shesgonebatshitagain]@knowledge2020

It’s just the kids were crying when we mentioned the idea and they were both trying to beg us to stay in this house together and I don’t know what the big deal is I understand it can be hard but they'll see me or my wife when ever they want. “

You sound like you are the sort of person who will do exactly what you want.
Buy your second house.
Don’t be surprised when your children hate so much for dismissing their pleas and feelings that they don’t set foot in it.

If your marriage is over and you are either unwilling to or have exhausted all options then you owe it to your children to treat them with far more love and care than you currently are. They won’t forget it.

And don’t be naive to expect that if your wife won’t want to formalise residence and contact arrangements.

The grass is not always greener[/quote]
It's just we have tried living in the same house for years and it's not worked

Drip drip drip

My kids were a little older when I split from their dad, one thought I should have left him years prior, the other hasn't forgiven us two years on and blames us for literally everything negative in her life. I think you need you do need counselling/an intermediary to help you either split in a way that everyone is as happy as possible given the circumstances or (potentially) stay together. I suspect that the situation isn't as final as with my h, you left wriggle room in what was said

Just seen how old your kids are

If I was one of them aged 16 and 18 I would think you were either having an affair for a midlife crisis, if not both and I would almost certainly consider you a selfish person.

If their mother is controlling well why did you expose them to this for years?
She’s probably just trying to do the majority of the parenting while you navel gaze and peruse rightmove

@movingonup20

My kids were a little older when I split from their dad, one thought I should have left him years prior, the other hasn't forgiven us two years on and blames us for literally everything negative in her life. I think you need you do need counselling/an intermediary to help you either split in a way that everyone is as happy as possible given the circumstances or (potentially) stay together. I suspect that the situation isn't as final as with my h, you left wriggle room in what was said

We need to leave ASAP though we don't have time to get counselling otherwise I would

@shesgonebatshitagain

Just seen how old your kids are

If I was one of them aged 16 and 18 I would think you were either having an affair for a midlife crisis, if not both and I would almost certainly consider you a selfish person.

If their mother is controlling well why did you expose them to this for years?
She’s probably just trying to do the majority of the parenting while you navel gaze and peruse rightmove

I haven't had any affair, I didn't do anything years ago because I used to work long hours so my wife was the made parent but I changed my hours a few years ago and I found out how everything was and the arguments between my wife has always been there

Have my first "is this a reverse"?

..Seriously though, is it..?

@ThatGhastlyWoman

Have my first "is this a reverse"?

..Seriously though, is it..?

No

if they are 16 and 18 they can decide who they want to live with

I kind of think, well, the 18 year old is an adult basically and will be getting on with their own life soon enough, and the 16 year old should be old enough to understand that you're unhappy and don't want to live there anymore. I wouldn't want to live with someone I was arguing with all the time. But, my friends parents divorced when she was 16 and it really affected her, she stopped bothering in school and generally seemed so unhappy for ages.
I was 8 when my parents divorced and I don't really remember it.
I don't really know what you can do about your wife changing her mind though. You can't get divorced without her consent can you?

You sound absolutely mental, very childish and entirely devoid of empathy

You again? Worried that your children won’t grow and turn into midgets? Let me guess it’s mostly your DD causing all the problems when you have the conversations?