I don’t want to be a mum anymore

[cherrytree975]

I took DD (6.5 months) up for a nap at 10. She won’t stop fighting her sleep and crying and it’s nearly 11 now. Just the sound of her crying really grates and I can’t take it anymore. I’ve had to leave the room and shut the door on her for a few minutes because I’m so frustrated and tired. Yesterday we took her to the pub for a quick lunch (I know, bad idea) and she started crying the instant we got there - DH and I had to leave halfway through our food as she would stop for five minutes then start up again.

I can’t believe what my life has become, it’s so relentless and draining. Yet all my mum friends seem like they find it the easiest thing ever and I never see their babies cry.

I feel like not bothering with naps anymore because it’s such a struggle to get her to sleep. It’s so tempting just to leave her in her chair or on her mat until she’s completely shattered and falls asleep of her own accord.

Not sure what the point of posting this is really - I just needed a rant. Every day I literally just count down the hours until 7.30 when she goes to bed. I can’t tell DH, as he thinks I’m pure evil if I say there are times when I wish we could give her back. But it’s just such a struggle

As others have said it's fairly normal.

You need to find what works for your baby.

I had 5 babies, they were all different, some slept during the day and came to life at night, some napped some didn't.

I'd one who would only napped in those swing chairs, it had batteries but it wasn't fast enough for him, he wanted it faster, so I rocked it with my foot till he was asleep.

I'd one who only napped in a travel cot, so I put one in every room, saved me moving the cots.

One who would only nap in their pram, I'd set it up and wheeled it around downstairs.

Sometimes finding what they like and no matter how weird it may seem, do it. Not one of mine napped in their cot.

By having them in things like prams and travel cot and chairs they could nod off when they liked rather than trying to figure out if they're ready for a nap.

Thanks for all the replies. DD had been a good napper, but in the last month or so it has become so hard to get her to sleep, and when she does it’s generally only for 40 mins.

Thankfully she’s always been decent at night (usually wakes twice) - if I didn’t have that I don’t think I would cope at all.

I don’t think I have PND - I’ve been fine and coping until now. But I think the reason I was doing okay was because she was a good sleeper. Now it feels like there’s barely any down time and I find that so hard.

It's temporary.

It'll pass.

Stop comparing.

Now it feels like there’s barely any down time and I find that so hard.

Babies are demanding but you can start to try to carve out a little bit of time for yourself even when she's awake. Does your DD have a play mat/baby gym? DS had a baby gym with a toy arch which used to keep him busy for up to 30 minutes at a time while I read/watched TV. When he was slightly older and just crawling, we set up a large playpen in the corner of the room with his play gym, some balls, stacking blocks and other toys where I'd leave him for short periods of time so long as he was happy while I had a cup of tea.

My eldest was a nightmare for naps at this age and would only sleep on me while breastfeeding. Hang in there - it will get better.

Go easy on yourself op. Yes it's tough but please speak to your health visitor about this. That's what they are there for. Don't schedule naps so young. Let her tell you when she's tired. Some babies aren't. My Dd wasn't a napper. I just let her do her thing. She slept at night. Good luck

Perhaps it’s a growth spur, the brain must be working harder on development so difficult to switch off and sleep

Mine was a terrible nap refuser. Pushing her back and forth in the buggy in a darkened room sometimes worked. Or I used to put her in the car and drive her about until she dropped off, then drive home and sit on the drive in blissful silence.

Eventually I accepted that she didn't need much sleep (still doesn't at 2!) and stopped trying so hard. I'd try something for 15 mins and if she didn't drop off, I'd give up and try again an hour later.

PND can be triggered at any time within the first year to 18 months. It can also be exacerbated by lack of sleep (mine certainly was). Don't write it off - just keep a check on yourself.

I can sympathise OP, my DS was an awful sleeper for his first year and I've definitely felt how your feeling at times.

It does pass and you will get through it.

I had a sleep refuser and I HATED having a baby. He just cried all the bloody time and I was exhausted.

On more than one occasion I put him in his cot and shut myself away to cry. He’s now 16, really bright and we have a great relationship - so it clearly didn’t damage him. And was much better than the alternative of me screaming back at him!

I’m sure i didn’t have PND either, I was just lonely, exhausted and frankly rather bored!! It’s boring being tired all the time!!!

I used to push him to sleep in the peak (around our flat if necessary) or put the shower or hairdryer on to soothe him.

Much sympathy as those days were tough. Xx

Some babies just don’t need to nap that much at certain stages, so stop trying to force it and ease off- she will nap when she is tired.

Well, she had been suffering from overtiredness in the early months. So I implemented a napping routine (making sure she went down for a nap every two hours - though it’s more like 2.5 now) and that worked great for several months. But it all seems to have gone downhill again!

They often change routines without letting anyone else know, very frustrating.

One thing that worked really well for me was putting DS down for a really early nap. It was a tip from a friend who had a sleep expert in, apparently it sets them up for sleep during the day and stops them from being over-tired (which can stop them sleeping).

So DS would wake up at about 6 and I would put him back to sleep at 7:30. It worked really well for about 2 months when he stopped napping again.

This is the problem with babies - they change the goal posts regularly! If you think that in their 1st year they go from sleepy newborn to a small human that only naps once/twice per day, its logical that they're constantly changing their sleep needs. My nearly 7 month old is changing his sleep habits and stretching his awake window at the moment I think. If he proves to be really diffocult to get to nap, I assume its because he doesnt want one and get him up again. This morning he went down an hour later than he usually does for his nap - I honestly think you just have to go with it.

I used a blackout blind with black out curtains so that the room was pitch black then they have nothing to distract them or look at.

I know that when you are in the middle of this it feel huge and that there is no end, but it will and it does.

I was lucky that I had honest friends who told me their babies were shit sleepers or crap feeders and it meant I didn't have this instagram vision of what motherhood is like, ie a lie.

So listen to us with older children (mine are teenagers) and know that it is ridiculously hard at times. It will pass. Is there any chance that your Dh could take a few days off work? It would allow you to just hand over full responsibility to him and you can get some sleep or just a break. Hopefully you are doing this on weekends anyway, handing everything over to him, it is the best thing. Dh is so close to our sons because he was fully hands on.

OP I have be where you are with my first baby. He was he most demanding baby and fought his naps and when he did sleep it was for 30 min catnaps. He was permanently tired and grumpy and being a reflux baby didnt help either. He screamed the house down for the first 6 months of his live and didnt sleep through the birth in his own room until 2.4. You have my sympathy because it is the hardest thing I have ever done and he was very very almost an only child as I couldnt face another baby the same as that. Second baby is an absolute delight, sunshine personality, a million times easier, sleeps easily and the complete opposite. I was blown over side ways at the difference. It is true when they say no two are the same! Having a second one was like therapy ina away as now I know it was morning I did and just the personality of my first baby.
Anyway now my first baby is 3 and so much easier. He will sleep great and loves going to bed, a very sensible helpful child with a really sweet nature. Things are actually better now with 2 than they were then with baby dc1. My point is it gets better...I promise. You will looked back and this awful time will feel like a distant memory. Wheb you're in it is relentless and feels like it will never end so in he mean time do anything you can to get some you time. Dont sweat the small stuff and just do what ever makes it easier. If the baby looks tired put her down with a projector on and give her some times to see if she will settle. Otherwise maybe try again in half ah hour, if I could go back to my first I would have made things alot easier for myself.

Oh and your friends probably have easier babies or are putting on a face.

life through the night nothing*

OP the problem appears to be that you expect your baby to keep to the same sleep routine but they simply don't do that. Some babies are great, regular naps and no fuss, others hardly nap at all (both of mine rarely did even when tiny) and when they do they do it at irregular times. As pp's said it is best to simply get on with your day in whichever way you want and let her sleep when she is tired. Taking an hour to go off meant that likely she wasn't tired in the first place. Also the going out for lunch thing is quite frankly ridiculous that you both left your food. Babies are notorious for creating the minute you want to eat, it simply means that if you go out you have to take it in turns to hold and pacify the baby whilst the other one eats. There is no point in making martyrs of yourselves. Try and be a bit more flexible. Pop her in her pram or in a sling and go out and have a walk or do some shopping or something rather than trying to force her to sleep, let her fit into your plans rather than the other way round.

I used to vacuum to drown out the tired screams my daughter made and when I'd finished she'd be asleep. I kept her door open so I could surreptitiously check on her and my carpets were spotless! Hang in there and, as long as she's safe, do what's right for you. My GP used to say 'a sick momma' s no good for her baby ' and to always care for myself as well. It will pass.

Yes I agree with pp, making white noise def helps and I know on acouple of instances with my first son boring him to sleep with me and dh prattling worked too

prattling on*

Also the going out for lunch thing is quite frankly ridiculous that you both left your food.

I know, it was ridiculous - but the situation was so stressful that I wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible and go home. It’s the first tike we’ve been out with her to a pub/restaurant... I said to DH afterwards, never again!

I do use white noise, which helps sometimes but not always.

I feel like you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself. 5 minutes of crying won’t hurt her. Don’t stress too much about a routine, just follow her lead. She is still very young.

Will she sleep in your arms? My daughter never used to like being put down so I used to have her sleep on me in the living room. It was a good excuse to watch tv in the day .

Sometimes it’s easier to just give in to them. They are too young to manipulate you. Hope you are okay

I feel your pain. From about 6 months my DD cried and moaned CONSTANTLY. The minute something wasnt right, or I left the room, or it was close to dinner time, or she wanted something, she moaned and cried. It was relentless. Some days I just left her screaming in the sitting room while I sat on the stairs and cried because I was so frustrated. I have no family help, DH worked 12 hour shifts, and I was broken. It seemed like I had the meanest baby in the world.

All I can say is you get sort of immune to it. By 9 months I got good at blocking it out. By 14 months I started talking her down by explaining things. She learned more that things take time. Mummy cant fix things instantly. Also, it came in phases. When she learned to crawl, it stopped for a while. Again, it would happen, and she learned to walk and it was ok again. Now she is nearly 2, and she has definitely toned it down.

There will be shit days and ok days. Nothing will be a fix I am afraid. Just go easy on yourself. If you need to buy a travel cot or playpen to put her in for a 5 minute breather in the kitchen, do it. If you need to let her cry for a bit in the cot. Do it. She will be fine. You dont need to fix everything.