Need more rest time at wknds, no help on hand and DH won't have sitters!!

[Hamster555]

I don't think there's any solution to this issue I have other than maybe needing some of your views on this one. DH won't let us use a sitter for our LG, he doesn't like the idea at all which I can see where he is coming from but we have no help at all, both work full time and our LG is very energetic and although attends nursery 5 days a wk is still the life and soul all wknd and I'm knackered!! She's 14 months and due to covid I didn't get the chance to make any mum friends before I had to return back to work and I'm so busy at work I just have no time or way of making mum mates/tribe atm and feeling really lonely and in need of interaction with other mums and their babies also to play with mine. With winter on the way and more restrictions planned I just can't see any light in the tunnel I feel I'm in atm

Why won’t he have a sitter? It seems there are two issues here. 1) you need a break and 2) you want mum friends.

For no. 1 you need to find out his reasons and if you can’t solve the issues he has, he needs to step in look after your daughter so you get a break even if he doesn’t want to.

As for friends, it’s totally cringe but you have to out yourself out there. Do you work full time?

Can't you and DH take turns to look after your LG for some of the weekend to allow you each a bit of rest/me time?

Agree with PP on point 1, if he objects to a baby sitter surely he will then expect to divide up appropriately so you both get some down time? Make it structured and black and white. If he doesn’t agree to this you look at other options and do them and tough shit if he doesn’t like it, unless he comes up with a better idea

What about a babysitter from your little girls nursery? We have the keyworker from nursery come to babysit sometimes and it's great because we trust her.

Do any of the nursery staff offer babysitting services? They very often do. Would that make a difference? Someone who's a familiar face and who knows your dc and you know has the appropriate training etc. It's not likely to be the cheapest, but everyone needs some down time now and again.

If DH refuses, surely he is in effect volunteering to look after your DC for a good chunk of the weekend? Just go out and leave him to it if you'll find it hard to relax at home.

We got our DCs keyworker to babysit when they were little. 7 years later she is literally like part of our family!

Eh? Isn't it normal to take turns at the weekend to have lie ins and time out, etc? That's what partners do, they support each other. No need to get a baby sitter unless you're going out/doing something together.

This sounds fairly normal to me tbh, we don’t have anyone to look after DS 18m either but DH and I take a morning each (usually till 10ish) and then we do family stuff (outdoors normally) after nap. He goes to bed by 7 so we have a couple of hours of peace in the evening together.

I didn't realise the nursery key workers could maybe offer a baby sitting service, that's a great idea and something I'll enquire about, thank you 👍👍 DH and I don't get much time to have a break together and I think this is why I feel knackered, itd be good to just get a half day at a wknd to either just have the house to ourselves in quiet a half day at a wknd once a month or to go out together just us two for a change. We both work full time. He isn't keen on sitters as he's concerned about not knowing them and her being potentially alone or there not maybe being anyone else around. The key worker suggestion from the nursery as a potential sitter is a great idea though. DH has taken her out by himself on the occasional wknd I've needed to take time to rest at home but only for a couple of hours max as atm there isn't a lot to do or places to go and grandaperents are concerned about covid so he hasn't been able to take her there. She's a bit young for most soft play centres as only 14 mths plus many aren't taking a lot in and having to book up in advance so I need to plan ahead more with that also if I'm going to do that which I can do

We will swop over the mornings occasionally so we each get a couple of hours to do our own thing and we do get a couple of hours in the evening when she goes to bed around 7.30 most evenings. Think this is normal for most just kind of missing having some time to just occasionally have maybe 3-4 hrs to ourselves, which is where usually grandparents take them so you can either just have the house in peace for that time to try and get some rest or do some house chores or get something done in town or nip out for a meal together for a change. I didn't realise the nursery staff maybe did baby sitting though which may put his mind at ease more knowing they're familiar faces to our daughter 👍

We used to sometimes book a day of leave alone or together and take DS to nursery. Then either time out alone or date day. Much easier to organise than an extra weekend sitter

We've never had this. We went on to have more kids though so I guess we were glutton for punishment.

There is a part of just getting on with stuff that means you don't miss what you don't have.

@MinesAPintOfTea jumped in with my top tip of day dates. Husband's step mum told me this. Do it now, once she gets to school you need all your leave to cover the holidays. But until then have some time off. She added that you have to go out - if you stay home you end up doing 'jobs'.

My tone was supposed to be constructive and reassuring, so I hope it doest read as snarky

I really don't understand why parents feel the need to have 'time-off' from their children.

I'm wondering if your schedules need to change. You need more time, and your little one needs family time. Your current set up is not sustainable.

@eddiemairswife

I really don't understand why parents feel the need to have 'time-off' from their children.

@eddiemairswife

I'm inclined to agree

If you want to be "a couple" and please yourself don't have children if you can't be bothered!

@eddiemairswife because looking after small children can be exhausting and thankless, and everyone needs a break sometimes?!

@eddiemairswife did you have any family support when yours were small? If you did it might take a leap of imagination. I didn't until mine were in primary school. I also had a husband working 6 day weeks and sometimes working away Sunday Eve - Friday afternoon. I worked part time and the kids childcare hours were when I was in work. I actually bloody loved being at home with them when they were tiny. I'm not sure how to explain that as well as being an amazing mum, I also enjoyed a change of gear occasionally.
I just sometimes had some time when DH and I weren't shattered, could relax and finish a conversation about something other than the kids / his 'timetable' (my word for what station he was leaving from at what time). It was a few years ago but I still remember what a lovely time we had on his birthday one year, it was great to remember all the things we liked about each other when we were young! Does that help at all?

We lived 100 miles away from both families. I had 4 children in just under 6 years.

If you want to be "a couple" and please yourself don't have children if you can't be bothered!

Surely it is possible to be bothered but just very occasionally...get tired?

We've never had any family childcare so our solution same as some other PPs has been day dates, where we both take the same day off. We go out for lunch or to the cinema and just have a nice day. Obviously that's all gone to crap with Covid, homeschooling March to July then summer holidays, now all leave is taken up with remaining school holidays. But hopefully one day it will happen again.

We didn't have family childcare, but I didn't work full time.

What you may want to think about is how much time you get with her. If she has full time nursery and extra childcare at the weekend, then she's not having a lot of awake family time at all.

Can you work out your time differently, find a way of having fun, relaxing, getting chores done while she's with you? Get her involved in jobs, making it a game- ask her to take the socks to daddy, if you are sorting laundry; give her a bowl of water and a plastic tea set if you are washing up.