Need more rest time at wknds, no help on hand and DH won't have sitters!!

[Hamster555]

I don't think there's any solution to this issue I have other than maybe needing some of your views on this one. DH won't let us use a sitter for our LG, he doesn't like the idea at all which I can see where he is coming from but we have no help at all, both work full time and our LG is very energetic and although attends nursery 5 days a wk is still the life and soul all wknd and I'm knackered!! She's 14 months and due to covid I didn't get the chance to make any mum friends before I had to return back to work and I'm so busy at work I just have no time or way of making mum mates/tribe atm and feeling really lonely and in need of interaction with other mums and their babies also to play with mine. With winter on the way and more restrictions planned I just can't see any light in the tunnel I feel I'm in atm

@eddiemairswife
What is your helpful and supportive advice then? Because at the moment your posts read as if you're incapable of understanding that another parent may have a different experience to you? Are they supposed to be joined at the hip for 18 years or risk your judgement and derision? You appear very narrow minded

@Hamster555 it sounds like your DH needs to do more than just help out occasionally. At weekends he needs to be an active full time parent and give you a break, not expect you to work, do most of the parenting and then also dictate that you can't use childcare

@eddiemairswife

We lived 100 miles away from both families. I had 4 children in just under 6 years.

And you never got tired or needed a break!? Were you microdosing cocaine for their entire childhoods or are you just a robot? Did you never want to have a meal uninterrupted with your husband?

We have never paid for a sitter since ds13 was born he went to grandparents when we could or we just took turns

If you want to be "a couple" and please yourself don't have children if you can't be bothered!

We don’t have any “help”, but I do sometimes need to have an adult conversation (about finances, or the house, or our parents) without a preschooler yelling “Mummeee! Talk just to me, not to Daddy!” in my face. That doesn’t mean I didn’t want DS

OP, try to arrange some regular time out of the house with one parent - maybe one of you do swimming on Saturday and one of you do a park trip on Sunday. Then the other one gets a block of predictable time to themselves. If you need time alone together, taking off days of annual leave in the week is a great way to do that - you’re paying for nursery anyway, so might as well use that before you start paying for babysitting.

In fact now I think about it, we both took a day off last month so we could do some DIY. Not because we “can’t be bothered with DS” (seriously, how offensive is that). But because we don’t want a three year old around power tools.

[quote BitGutted]@eddiemairswife

I'm inclined to agree

If you want to be "a couple" and please yourself don't have children if you can't be bothered! [/quote]
Your advice is for her to invent time travel and un-have her children?

That's not advice, that's just you slagging her off. Behave!

We go out with DS for lunch etc. We make time for the other to have a couple of hours at the weekend.

We've never had a non family childcare before lockdown and would maybe consider it now he's old enough to communicate what is wanted (and would probably use the girl from nursery who offers it, and was keyworker before DS moved up to the other room)

But we've had lovely days when DH has taken a day off on a nursery day. And have never really been big on evenings out anyway- we'd much rather have a walk together and lunch/ coffee+ cake and that suits very well with a sensible 3yo and two fairly well behaved dogs

I don't think it's normal for most parents to have a break together without their young children at the weekend, especially when they work all week. Our eldest is 7 and I can count on one hand the times grandparents have watched them for a few hours so we could do something together. For a time, we did have a babysitter so we could go out to dinner once a month or once every other month (yes, it was a nursery worker from their nursery who they know well).

But I think the sort of thing you are describing, having a few hours together on a more regular basis, or just down time, you mostly arrange between the two of you. Dh and I set aside Friday and Saturday evenings after bedtime to spend together. This means we rarely meet up with friends on the weekend (more likely to meet for lunch during the week, or occasionally an overnight to visit friends - individually, one of us stays home). This means we have solid child-free time every Friday and Saturday evening. We don't go anywhere. We have a nice dinner together and watch tv. But it's nice to unwind. We also both go do things we enjoy while the other is with the dc. We also both go in holidays without the other. In fact, I'm going away next week for 4 days of peace and quiet and sleep as my birthday present. You both just have to find away to make time for each other and also make sure the other has time to re-charge.

Getting a babysitter or having family help is nice, but it's not something all people have or can afford. You really just have to balance it and make time. Could you both take annual leave and enjoy lunch and a relaxing day together? Dh and I do this a few times a year.

@eddiemairswife are you fu**ing kidding me ?! 😂😂😂

So I work part time (25 hours) I split this over two 12.5 hour shifts ( tiring days). I work one day in the week and one weekend day .

My partner works 8-4 Monday - Friday

My son goes to nursery 2 mornings one one of the mornings is my day off. I absolutely love getting those 5 hours to relax.
My partner books half a day off to then pick son up from nursery and be with him the rest of the day.

We don't really have family support. Grandparents live one hour away but don't help with childcare it's more of a go and visit them for a couple of hours and vice versus.

I do get jealous when friends say that their children are going out for the day with granny and grandad or even just they are taking them for a walk or something !

It is tiring. So sometimes we both book the day off I would usually work then son still goes to nursery for that morning.

I have never wanted to be away from him much so I don't work normal 8 hour days as I'd be away from him longer maybe that's why I'm knackered compressing I into 2.

My DH took a day off work today and both my kids (age 3 and 5) were at school/nursery this morning. It was amazing to have that 3 hours just us. We went out for brunch.

We haven’t had any time alone together without the kids (except after they go to bed) in at least 6 months, and before that it wasn’t exactly regularly either as we have no family to help so it would purely be if we got a babysitter to go out for dinner.

OP you either need to make sure you and DH both take your child for a few hours each at the weekend so the other gets a break. And then on top of that if you want time as a couple then yes you need to get a babysitter occasionally.

Hi all, thanks a lot for the replies! Lots of really helpful advice and the annual leave is something I have to consider. I've just recently only started back working full time and in a brand new job so it's been a really exhausting couple of months and my feet haven't touched the ground with getting used to the new job, routine and our LG also getting used to her new routine of nursery 5 days a week.

We've just had an incredibly eventful and quite stressful year with sadly losing my mum a matter of wks after I had our LG and then my dad had heart failsure, then we had covid going on and all the joys that brought with it and stresses and DH got diagnosed with colitis 2 wks ago to top it off, it's just been a really stressful 6 months and absolutely non stop with a toddler also just getting in to full swing now

To the poster re something about not being bothered with your kids, this isn't about that it's about how I feel I need a break, just some peace to look forward to as I'm not a machine, I get tired & simply need a recharge.

Thanks to everyone on your most helpful replies, so many, thank you 👍