Help me with my day

[p0ptart]

I have a 10-week old, and we have fallen into a 'routine' of sorts:

• wake up at 7.30/8
• out the door 9.30/10
• I walk with her in the sling (napping) until lunchtime
• nap in my arms 2-5
• collect toddler, baby in sling (cat nap)
• bath and bed 7.30 (but in reality often not settling until 9)

I'm exhausted by this. The massive morning walk makes me so tired, but she won't nap in the pram or the cot. The afternoon is emotionally draining - I'm just holding her and can't do anything except hold my phone, and I have to pat and shush and pop my boob in her mouth every 30 mins as she stirs and cries. The evening settling is the worst - she looks exhausted when we have the bath but then won't settle without a lot of crying and breastfeeding (and posseting - we've tried reflux medicine but didn't seem effective).

Can anyone tell me what I'm doing wrong or how I might develop a better routine? Thank you

You're not doing anything wrong. You're doing your best.
That walk would do me in though! 2-5 seems like a large nap after 2 hours in the morning but I'm possibly forgetting what a 10 week old is like!
I would say just stop doing the walk. After a few shit days she will get that the walk isn't happening anymore and something else will start to work.
She's still very little and having a baby again is still something you're getting used to. Be kind to yourself, it's all a phase

This is my personal opinion only. 10 weeks is still so little to have in any sort of routine. I had a set bath time routine only but only recently got baby in to a routine and hes jist turned 7 months. The first 3 months are definitely the hardest. 10 weeks ago your baby was super warm in your tummy and now she's out in the wide world and just wants to be held by her mummy. Its frustrating because you can't get anything done. Sit on the settee, eat your way through the fridge and watch back to back trashy telly. Honestly it gets easier.

If baby is napping in your arms 2 till 5 I would drop that last cat nap. Start to get baby ready for bath routine around 630 and aim to have baby asleep at 730.

Hope this helps a little x

Thank you for your reply @Pearsapiece she doesn't learn! I think she might be too young. Or too stubborn. Or both! The days where she didn't get her morning nap, she struggled with her afternoon nap, and that meant a really shit night for her and for me

@Couldntthinkofausername24 thank you! But if she's in bed 7.30 won't she be up super early? She tends to do her biggest stretch of sleep at the start, and then wake every hour or two...

Hi! I also have a 10 week old. What works for me is understanding their general wake/sleep time for the age and also letting her lead. So mine wakes 5am (yep rip me haha) and for the whole day until 6 where her longer stretches of sleep start it's awake for an hour/hour and a half, that's her max time I generally allow awake unless she's happy but she tends to begin to fuss around this time. Sometimes they arent hungry, just need you to help them sleep. Then she'll nap, once she wakes up i give her a little walk and see if she will nod back off, if not wake and play and feed and change and repeat.

I understand the whole "stuck here with a baby all i have is my phone wtf do i do!". I just gave in and accepted my fate 😂 get some good apps, watch some netflix or youtube so you dont die of boredom. Honestly i do this all day during her naps, but it sounds like you have things to do so i sympathise as that makes things harder, mine won't sleep in the pram either, then all that happens is she gets overtired, screaming and upset when im out for a long time. If you're doing the bath everyday and she seems tired by that time id honestly leave it, I only bathe mine every 3 days or so. Aside from that im not really sure what to say, i hope it helps somehow, congrats on your little one

Thank you @Razpoot

does your little one nap in your arms? Isn't it exhausting mine can actually tell when I'm texting with both hands as well, or watching videos (on headphones), how??

I need to remind myself this won't be forever!

Do you still have a yoga ball from pregnancy? I used to bounce on that with baby in a sling. Might save you the morning march.

@FizzingWhizzbee123 that's a great idea but I don't sadly! I do bounce on the guest bedroom bed, which is extra bouncy, but it doesn't cut it!

I have gained 10kg I'm sure over the course of two pregnancies, so the walk isn't the worst thing!

Would she sleep in bed with you for the morning nap with your boob in her mouth? That is how I tended to do naps with my babies at that age.

Or do you have a computer and a comfortable desk chair - could you do the morning and/or afternoon nap in front of a computer, on your left boob only so you can still use the mouse/keyboard with your right hand?

There is an app called Huckleberry which is some kind of magic at predicting the best times to try all your best nap tricks so that they don't get overtired.

But it might be she is just a baby who needs very specific stimulation to nap - they do exist and are very draining!

@p0ptart yep yep and yep! Especially the texting yes, the jiggle wakes mine up too. Or any tiny sound, im constantly whipping out the shushes at my partner poor him yes she naps in my arms but its getting harder as shes getting too big and constantly tries to readjust herself, i just get up and walk a few paces and it knocks her out again haha. I would make sure you're comfy too when you do let her sleep in your arms, i always retreat to the bed so I can lie back a bit with some pillows by me. So you swaddle yours? That can help you have a better hold on them

@Razpoot absolutely re swaddle - I pop her in a sleeping bag so she's easier to hold. I do hold her in bed for maximal comfort, massive pillow behind me, but my bottom hurts from the same position for three hours, y'know?

@BertieBotts my first loved a sideways feed and nap (with nip in mouth the whole time, obvs) but this one doesn't love the sideways feed so much. I'm wondering if 10 weeks is still too young to balance sideways? I'll check out Huckleberry, thank you so much.

Not directed at me but i hope you dont mind me saying if you're meaning like cradle hold should be fine, thats the only way ive ever fed mine straight from the start

@Razpoot I meant us both lying down, facing each other, not cradle hold. My first was able to balance on her side unassisted quite early on, and would feed like that and then fall asleep and come off the nip. This one doesn't seem to balance very well unless I'm holding her steady.

She is still so young for a routine - to be honest, at that age, if they're tired enough, they'll sleep, if not, they won't... Why are you trying to get her to take such long naps during the day? Totally normal for then just to take lots of short catnaps at that age although I appreciate this is less convenient in some ways. 7.30 is a super early bedtime too, presumably you're going up with her then? If she struggles to get off at that time why don't you just leave it until 9ish when she's ready to go down?

Re: lying on your side to feed- mine likes to lie on her back with just her head turned sideways to my boob, could you try that if yours won't balance on her side?

she doesn't learn!

Because she is still a tiny baby.

@Nowisthemonthofmaying thank you for your reply. I'm not trying to make her take such a long nap. It's what makes her least grumpy. I'm holding her the whole time, so it's actually worse for me than if she cat napped. She wakes up during the long nap screaming, but is soothed once she breastfeeds and drifts off again. As for night time, 7.30 does sound early but I'm just following her cues as she's usually red-eyed and yawning by 7. Should I drag it out until 9? I think she freaks out and doesn't settle because I try to put her down. She just wants me to hold her.

@ScarMatty yes as I immediately acknowledge in the next sentence 😐

@p0ptart ah OK, sorry I didn't quite get it. It's really hard when they only want to sleep on you! Mine hates the cot so we usually co-sleep although I realise that doesn't work for everyone. She normally starts to drift off in my arms while I'm watching TV in the evenings, then I take her up when I go to bed - if she's sleeping deeply enough then I will put her in the cot for the first part of the night and then move her into mine later on when she wakes up and complains!

@Nowisthemonthofmaying we co-sleep too! But even that doesn't cut it as morning approaches, so I end up holding her or we just both cry, which was what happened this morning
I know I sound like a right downer and keep pooh poohing everyone's useful suggestions. I'm glad I'm not missing something obvious. Maybe it's time to consider a sleep consultant.

Honestly I think you need to just change and lower your expectations of a newborn baby.

Google the 4th trimester.

You're expecting a heck of a lot from someone so tiny.

They haven't read your routine book, they've got no idea

@ScarMatty thanks... you don't need to keep posting if you have nothing constructive to offer. Thanks

I should also add I have no expectations of a routine, I am just describing what we've been doing, guided by her.

[quote p0ptart]@ScarMatty thanks... you don't need to keep posting if you have nothing constructive to offer. Thanks[/quote]
Not sure how you feel me saying you're expecting too much and to adjust your expectations and google the 4th trimester isn't constructive. Bizarre.

I think you’re taking ScarMattys post a bit personally. It is constructive. You ask what you are doing wrong and what you can do to improve it - the truth is you aren’t doing anything wrong and maybe you can’t improve it, it’ll just take time. Was your eldest much more settled at this age? None of my 3 were in a good routine at 10 weeks, it always felt like we were crashing through the day.

Just a thought, are you using a lie flat pram, you could find that when she’s old enough, she’ll be happy to sleep in the slightly more upright pushchair seat. All mine hated being flat.