Help me with my day

[p0ptart]

I have a 10-week old, and we have fallen into a 'routine' of sorts:

• wake up at 7.30/8
• out the door 9.30/10
• I walk with her in the sling (napping) until lunchtime
• nap in my arms 2-5
• collect toddler, baby in sling (cat nap)
• bath and bed 7.30 (but in reality often not settling until 9)

I'm exhausted by this. The massive morning walk makes me so tired, but she won't nap in the pram or the cot. The afternoon is emotionally draining - I'm just holding her and can't do anything except hold my phone, and I have to pat and shush and pop my boob in her mouth every 30 mins as she stirs and cries. The evening settling is the worst - she looks exhausted when we have the bath but then won't settle without a lot of crying and breastfeeding (and posseting - we've tried reflux medicine but didn't seem effective).

Can anyone tell me what I'm doing wrong or how I might develop a better routine? Thank you

I know I sound like a right downer

You don’t, you sound like an exhausted mother and I’m sure most of us have been there. My eldest was happy to sleep (although never for very long) in her Moses basket and so I was completely blindsided when her brothers would never let me put them down awake or asleep. It felt so much more unrelenting. I hope things improve for you soon.

If you cosleep, would it feel better to try something different for the afternoon nap? I tried to turn it into a bit of a treat for me so now I actually look forward to it - so after lunch we feed lying down in bed while I read & eat chocolate, and then we both nap together. The extra sleep for me really helps with the broken nights and it feels a bit less like a chore.

A sleep consultant probably won't help, may make things worse and will take your money into the bargain.

Some babies are just like this, it's tough, it does get easier as they get older and a bit more independent.

If you want to spend some money I'd look into cranial osteopathy for babies - IME mine have been able to balance perfectly well on their sides from birth, but I have no idea if that's normal or weird! Cranial osteopathy is supposed to help with babies who are generally unsettled and seem uncomfortable all the time.

Another option to look into would be allergies/sensitivities to foods coming through your milk.

Thank you @SherryPalmer I am exhausted, and probably too sensitive. I've googled this thing to death, so 'google the fourth trimester' annoyed me a bit. But you're right, I'm being too sensitive.

My first was and is a terrible sleeper, but even she was better in some ways. The thought of no sleep for the next two years is just terrifying.

Would she sleep in the sling if you were just pottering around the house? My little one sleeps in the sling for at least one nap a day. It takes some furious walking around the living room to get her to drop off, but once she does I can get on with housework, watch TV (standing of course) or catch up on texts etc. It's not the best solution as you are still standing and moving, but maybe less intense than a mammoth walk every day!

@Nowisthemonthofmaying this is what I did with DD1 but DD2 will enjoy a long and decadent drink and then wake up crying! She will only sleep during the day for any real stretch if held (or in sling). I do occasionally manage to get 10 mins sleep whilst holding her in bed, but it never feels super safe. I'm hopeful this will come to her in due course. 10 weeks is still little.

@LikeTheOceansWeRise She tends to wake up in the sling if I stop walking at pace. I'll keep trying though. And maybe incorporating the stairs might help? Work out my calves!

@BertieBotts cranial osteopathy is a good idea! I'll check this out for sure, thank you

I’m no baby expert but I have a 10 week old baby too so thought it might be helpful to compare. Today she woke at 6am, fed the slept till 9 am in crib, fed the slept 10-11 in crib then awake until 2pm by which point I was concerned she was going to get over tired so she slept in my arms until 5pm the fed, bath and awake until 9 ish, fed, slept till 10 then fed again and usually goes to bed at 11pm. Wakes once or twice better 11 and 7. She’s formula fed

@Itsnoteasyfeelingqueasy thank you that's helpful. I feed mine a LOT more frequently, as she does it for comfort (won't take a dummy). I find she's often crotchety after 20-30 mins of being awake, does yours get like that too?

@p0ptart yes she’s like that in the evening but fine during the day. I think it’s quite different with breast versus formula feeding. Today she had six feeds, most of them 150 mls and a few “snacks” during the evening. The dummy is a god send and I do use it to get her to relax enough to sleep in the evenings or if she’s become overtired. It must be really tough if they won’t take a dummy. What happens if you don’t try to get your baby to sleep in the morning and just put them in the crib or bouncer while you do jobs?

@Itsnoteasyfeelingqueasy in the morning she starts to cry after an hour of awake time. This continues to gather force until she's asleep, and she doesn't fall asleep unless she's in a sling or in a dark room with nipple in her mouth! God I wish I could just put her down to nap in a bouncer - again, DD1 napped sometimes in the baby bjorn bouncer at this age if you bounced hard enough, but not this lil babe

If she gets grumpy after 20-30 mins awake, have you tried putting her down that early?

@BertieBotts have I tried putting her down earlier you mean? Like put her down 20-30 min after she wakes up? Could try that, I just thought that seemed a very small window of wakefulness but if she's tired she's tired!

Yes I mean after 20-30 mins awake. It does seem a bit too short, but it might be worth trying it for a day or two as maybe if she is overtired, catching up on a bit of sleep might increase it to 40-60 minutes which is more usual (although still on the short side) for her age.