Formula sucess stories please. I need to hear them ...

[Cherryhill22]

So my baby is 13 days old and breast feeding has been a battle from the start. He won't stay latched on for long, looked into tongue tie, nipple shields and electric pumping 8 times a day. I am utterly fed up and feel like I am falling off an emotional cliff. I have seen a lactation expert who says I have a low supply. I have to top up with formula. I don't know how much more of this I can take. He latches on, falls off, cries, I cry and a wave of depression kicks in that lasts a full day. I feel like this is making me hate parenthood and I am wondering if it would be best to sack the whole thing in and just go to formula. I feel like such a guilty, lazy mother for wanting this. Does anyone else have any positive formula feeding success stories for me? I need to hear them. Thanks.

Best thing ever. I think my DS wouldn't have made it in a time before it. And even if he had, I would have had a nervous breakdown. He's now a big tall confident pre schooler who never stops eating. Dummies are bloody marvellous things too. He had terrible reflux and problems latching, I had this tiny skinny jaundiced baby who just wanted to sleep all day, formula was the magic medicine he needed. It's the shit

And the dummies strengthened his suckling so that he could bottle feed! He found it too tiring initially and I had to syringe feed him. So between formula, bottles and dummies, he went from being such a worry to this big, happy, dimpled baby with legs like tree trunks and now a sporty energetic child.

You are not lazy at all. Ugh I remember so clearly feeling exactly as you described! The fact you're worrying and so wanting to do what's right for your child proves you're a lovely mum and not lazy and certainly not guilty of anything bad.
I think honestly the most important thing for your baby at this early stage is you being ok and not stressed and struggling. He will feel that and hear it in your touch and your voice and will feel secure and the bonding will grow beautifully. You won't regret using formula for this reason. You'll look back and say thank goodness I did what was best for us. Breast milk is obviously wonderful but a secure baby and a happy mum is more important.

I’ve posted this before, but it’s still true. The vast majority of my age group- the baby boomers - were bottle fed. We’re the longest lived and healthiest generation in history.
Go figure, as our American friends say...
And if you want individual experiences - I formula fed both my DDs. DD1 is in her 30’s, was top of her class all through school, has a maths degree, a high salary graduate job in risk analysis, does martial arts and weightlifting.
DD2 is in her 20’s, has a business degree, a high salary graduate job in financial software, can climb six Munros in a day, has travelled the world and looks like a model.
As you can see, bottle feeding really wrecked their health, intellect and life chances... oh, wait.

I didn’t manage to breastfeed any of my three dses, @Cherryhill22 - in fact ds2 ended up in hospital because he had lost so much from his birthweight and hadn’t regained it at 6 weeks old. I felt like the worst failure as a mum, but when I look back, I can see I did my best.

Breastfeeding is a great thing to do for your baby - but there are so many other good things you can do - weaning them with home cooked food, cooking healthy meals as they grow up, encouraging them to have fun and exercise, reading to the, supporting and encouraging them to learn new skills - the list goes on and on.

And formula is a perfectly good way to feed a baby - as other posters have said, a happy, relaxed mum is better for the baby than a worried, stressed one, so if formula feeding means you can be a happy mum, then it is the right thing for you.

I will also say that my three boys are all grown up now - they are healthy, happy, well adjusted - one is a senior quantity surveyor, about to buy his first house with his girlfriend, the second is a teacher, and the third will graduate next year.

They are all shining examples of the truth that formula fed babies can, and do, do just fine.

I tried bf with my DTs, I couldn’t do it. I mixed fed by expressing and formula as I was desperate to do something naturally for them (ivf babies, elcs) but I had next to no milk and managed one feed a day each for 24 hours of expressing. I knocked over a bottle of breast milk in the fridge and was absolutely devastated! Around 6 weeks I couldn’t even produce one feed a day for them (they were drinking more than I could make) my mh was in tatters and I stopped.

It was a bloody relief. I still carried a lot of shame, but my babies positively thrived, I got some sleep between feeds and I felt joyous when I binned that pump!

They’re 2.5 now and fantastic. Fed is best! Nobody really cares how they were fed as long as they are and certainly not once you get to around 6 months. You are not a lazy mother for wanting to FF, you’ve done your brilliantly and you matter too. A happy mother is just as important as a happy baby.

As for me, I developed horrible pnd and put myself through hell for no reason at all. I finally got help for the pnd when they were 8 months, and life has just got better and better since. Fed is best, you’ve not failed, you’re not lazy, whatever you choose to do is the right thing for you and your little one. Look after yourself 💐

@Cherryhill22- there are many ways to nurture a baby, how you feed them as an infant is just one.

Those words were said to me by my NCT leader when I was crying about “failing” at breastfeeding. Well that failure is 12 years old, tall abs slim, talented guitatist, has a tendency to laziness, but will ride his mountainbike down anything, not great at maths, but hayfever YY like his dad .... you get the picture. He’s an ordinary 12 year old. We nurtured him the best we could. In our case, it was formula. Be kind to yourself.

Can I give another point of view?

As a secondary teacher I can identify students who: have had a lack of love, have not been nurtured, do not get enough food/the right food.

I cannot identify students who: were breastfed Vs bottle fed, started on purees or straight to finger foods, had a sleep routine or not.

Feeding our baby is the first major decision we make and it feels massive, but ultimately it makes much less difference than we think at the time.

You are not lazy, you have given your baby your antibodies so if switching to formula is the way that works for you then it is the best decision to make.

I hope that helps a bit.

Wonderful post by @thisonebreath. It should be printed out and attached to every birth certificate.

I formula fed all three of my DDs right from the word go.

DD1 has a first class honours degree from a top Russell Group uni and is now in the Civil Service.

DD2 has completed a good gaming course at a local college and is now working locally.

DD3 has just achieved 3 x A* at A Level and has got into Cambridge.

I count them all as formula feeding successes

My sister and I were both formula fed back in the sixties.

I didn't BF my little one has been FF from the start ! He's now 11 weeks old and a very happy chippy!

Don't feel like a failure! It's not poison

I breastfed DS for 7 months and then stopped when my supply dwindled and he simply wasn't getting what he needed from me. I gave myself SUCH a hard time as I'd convinced myself that I had to breastfeed him. The reality of the matter is that it made absolutely no odds to DS. He was happy as long as he was fed, he couldn't have cared less whether it was breast or bottle. Yes, there's absolutely no disputing that breast is "best" if you are purely looking at it from a nutritional perspective and nothing else, but breast is CERTAINLY not best if it's at the detriment of the mothers mental health.

Your baby will thrive no matter what you choose.

Also whilst I don't dispute the benefits of breast milk I did find this an interesting read into some of the claims

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/jun/20/is-breast-really-best-i-looked-at-all-the-data-to-find-out

I was in your shoes op...ds couldn't latch and it was a nightmare. It really affected how I bonded with him initially and I developed PND. With my second I went straight to formula which was right for us and prevented me getting PND again. Also, paediatricians often ask about birth experiences but never about how they were fed which I find interesting. PP absolutely right, it is just one facet of parenting so do whatever you need to do.

I had absolutely nothing when DD1 was born. And no help either.... So I gave her formula. It is not the devil, honestly when it's needed, it's an amazing thing! The usual issue is people having misconceptions about breastfeeding, or saying that is sexual assault of the baby (yes, I have read that exact thing!!)

At about 2 months I started giving DD1 the breast. It took about a month to transition her but I tell you at 4 yo she still wants it!! I have weaned her but still....

She was sooo used to formula it was difficult but I got her to do one suck and then give her formula. The next feeding 2 sucks! And slowly increased the time.

There are options around

I bf my 1st till 18 months and my 2nd till 5 months. We wanted another close age and my periods wouldn't return whilst bf.
It's been 5 months and I don't miss it like I thought I would.
I love how much easier it is than it was with first. He can give himself a bottle or his dad could. I get sleep at night as I'm not doing night feeds.
It's a lot less tiring and I enjoy his company a lot more than I did my first as I was so sleep deprived.
Enjoy your baby. You won't give a crap if they were bottle fed or not in a few yrs so don't let it ruin these precious early days! You don't get them back.
What makes a failure as a mum is one who doesn't give a shit. Not whether they bottle or breast xx

I breastfed one and bottlefed the other and there’s are advantages to both. One of the unexpected bonuses of bottle feeding was being able to make eye contact and chat with my baby rather than his face being stuck in my armpit. It was a different kind of bonding to breast feeding.

My dm bottle fed us all and it was honestly a huge relief, with my first, when I was finally defeated in breast feeding, to be able to lean into her advice and wisdom. It strengthened our bond, my confidence and made me a better mother, I think.

And it was good to get an occasional long stretch of sleep.

Giving up breast feeding was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever taken. It ravaged me. But honestly, it worked out for the best.

Breastfed my first and hated every second, formula fed/feeding my second and have loved it. I wish I had have formula fed my first as I'd have been a much happier Mummy!

My DD wouldn't latch at all so she had whatever I could express and formula. I'd had a traumatic birth and spending hours trying to shove her on my boobs and then trying to express was just too much for my already delicate sanity. She's a happy and healthy 2 yo and you can't tell any difference with her friends as to who was BF and who was FF - they all love biscuits and hate sharing!

What? A fed, happy, thriving baby is a success story regardless of how they're fed.

Breastfed dd, with ds I was just n pain he had terrible latch I persevered for 6 weeks and then transitioned to formula, wish I had done it sooner our first weeks were spoilt with pain and not even wanting to hold him as breasts so sore. He has developed exactly the same as his sister. I wish I hadn't been pressured to try for so long with ds. It feels like such a big deal now but honestly ds is 6 now and I never give a thought to how he was fed as a baby.

I mixed fed for a month and then went to formula full time. Best thing I did. Hes 5 1/2 now and top of the class at school. I was also formula fed and I have an excellent degree from a redbrick uni. Fed is always best.

I personally believe that breast is best for mothers not babies! There’s no empirical evidence showing a health benefit for the child beyond the colostrum of the first few days. On the other hand there are strong, proven links with BF reducing ovarian and breast cancer incidences, it’s easy, convenient and great for weight loss for mums!
Your baby will thrive on formula. Crack on OP. X

I managed 5 days, latch was perfect but milk wasn’t there. It got to the point he was just sucking blood . Formula fed by midwives first, then us. He was the best sleeper and happiest chap of our NCT babies and now is a raring to go 10 yr old!

Fortunately, while I was sad that BF didn’t work out for us, I didn’t beat myself up about it. Wasn’t my choice that it didn’t work.

What didn’t occur to me, and nobody mentioned, was that you can try again in a few weeks, when your baby is stronger and bigger - might improve, might not but formula will be fine either way. x

Brilliant post @thisonebreath

I’ve always said the same. Look around a room of adults, or even schoolchildren, and tell me which ones were breastfeed and who was formula fed. You can’t.

Yes, there are undoubtedly benefits to breast milk but not at the sacrifice of the mothers mental health. I drove myself loopy over 7 months of stubborn persistence with breastfeeding and it definitely impacted on my mental and continued to be a struggle. It never got easier and my child was much later diagnosed with swallow issues which I think was the underlying issue as I had plenty of milk. I expressed and mixed too so had the downsides of every kind of feeding! I was so relieved when I stopped and my baby was more settled too as he just wasn’t feeding properly.

So much guilt around this. OP, if you want to keep trying to breastfeed then I hope you can find some good support (for sadly this is lacking, even more so in the pandemic). However if you want to switch to formula, then go ahead and don’t feel guilty. You’re baby will thrive, as many formula fed babies do.

I plan to try and breastfeed my second baby when he arrives but there is no way I’m going through 7 months of hell again. If it doesn’t click within a reasonable amount of time, I’ll formula feed, guilt free.