What makes you a good father?

[jay120]

So me and my husband had a conversation and I asked him 2 things what make him a good father? He only had 1 answer and that was he buys milk & nappies for them he calls that (providing)

What makes a good father? Because I honestly think my husband could do a lot more but everytime I say that he says he is a good father
He only had 1 thing to mention when I asked him for 2. Even as a husband he could do more but he thinks he's the best dad and husband and i just don't know what to do anymore
Nothing I say goes through his head he don't like it when I tell him the true facts about him self
He calls me the annoying wife.

Wearywithteens your dh sounds like my father- that's how I remember growing up.

Also like my husband. It's that whole sense of being there for someone, of wanting to be there for someone. Of doing the everyday little bits and doing them gladly.

Not just buying the nappies but changing them. Being there as an everyday presence, a go-to person. Doing the boring bits, sharing the fun.

When I think of dh when our children were little, I remember him standing in the cold at a bus stop in the middle of nowhere (we didn't have a car at the time) and making up stories to get them to forget they were tired and cold.

I remember him mopping up sick and washing the bedding. I remember him dressing cuts and wounds. I remember him organising the party games for their birthdays. I remember him turning up at the hospital when dd had been admitted, after a long day's work and sopping wet, with little brother in tow, but outwardly cheerful and comforting.

And much later, I remember 15yo dd ringing her dad from a party because one of the other girls had had too much to drink and she knew she could trust him to help.

I think a good father is there for his children emotionally and physically cares for them just as much as mum. Well apart from breastfeeding lol. I think good dads do bedtimes and nappies, baths and all.

Providing is bullshit tbh, unless mum isn’t working. If you’re both working or both planning to work, then ‘providing’ is hillocks really, cause everyone who is earning is ‘providing’

^hillocks? Bollocks. Fucking autocorrect

When she was a baby he’d get up in the night to change and burp around my feeding because I was too exhausted to get up and get dressed. He’d make me coffee and snacks and go buy me dairy milk during the endless feeding. Now at three we will take her out for the whole day to give me a break, he takes her to the farm, parks and soft play on his own. Is he perfect - no! He’s never ironed her clothes, or cleaned her room and hates reading her books.
I do get sick of some of friends saying how great he is because he does what I consider a father should be able to do ie. look after her all day on occasion.

My husband is a brilliant father. He does anything and everything I do. He will do any of the parenting needed, without needing to be asked. He is confident in his ability. He is fun. He is firm. He parents well alone. He backs me. We are a pair. We discuss how to tackle things. He does the thinking. He will do the birthday parties (and sorts the gifts) that sort of thing.

It's about actually wanting to be a father. You can't really say that one particular thing makes a good one but DH just adores our children and would go to the ends of the earth for them and just loves their company. I see it even with some of my children's friends. They all all have good fathers as well and you can tell just by the way the children talk about ordinary events even just by having fun watching football together on the telly. I think when children feel safe and happy with that parent then they are doing a good job

@Wearywithteens

My DH is a brilliant father. He puts his children before himself in every way to make sure they have a good life and they are happy.

He enjoys every minute he spends with them on their terms (got a round of applause by a bunch of mums in the cinema when he left High School Musical 3 - he didn’t have to go, I was there too!)

He is genuinely interested in them as people, and what they want to do in life, not how it looks on him.

My teenage dds talk to him about their lives and problems just as much as they talk to me.

He is kind, makes them laugh and he worries about them. If you cut him open, his children’s names would run right through him.

That's lovely am so happy for your children I hope they bond stays like that

It's lovely to see a father bond with his children rather than siting there saying his a good father but then doing nothing to make him 1

@Wearywithteens

My DH is a brilliant father. He puts his children before himself in every way to make sure they have a good life and they are happy.

He enjoys every minute he spends with them on their terms (got a round of applause by a bunch of mums in the cinema when he left High School Musical 3 - he didn’t have to go, I was there too!)

He is genuinely interested in them as people, and what they want to do in life, not how it looks on him.

My teenage dds talk to him about their lives and problems just as much as they talk to me.

He is kind, makes them laugh and he worries about them. If you cut him open, his children’s names would run right through him.

Sorry I did change my username to Anna as that's my actually name not jay but I do prefer jay lol So that was my reply

I know it's horribly old fashioned but my Grandad used to say "the best thing a man can do for his children is to love their mother".

@corythatwas

Wearywithteens your dh sounds like my father- that's how I remember growing up.

Also like my husband. It's that whole sense of being there for someone, of wanting to be there for someone. Of doing the everyday little bits and doing them gladly.

Not just buying the nappies but changing them. Being there as an everyday presence, a go-to person. Doing the boring bits, sharing the fun.

When I think of dh when our children were little, I remember him standing in the cold at a bus stop in the middle of nowhere (we didn't have a car at the time) and making up stories to get them to forget they were tired and cold.

I remember him mopping up sick and washing the bedding. I remember him dressing cuts and wounds. I remember him organising the party games for their birthdays. I remember him turning up at the hospital when dd had been admitted, after a long day's work and sopping wet, with little brother in tow, but outwardly cheerful and comforting.

And much later, I remember 15yo dd ringing her dad from a party because one of the other girls had had too much to drink and she knew she could trust him to help.

Your dh seams like a great man What a lovely father hope it stays like that My husband does something and constantly reminds me about it. I don't think he understands it's not a favour it's his duty to provide for us

Treating the mother well

@workhomesleeprepeat

I think a good father is there for his children emotionally and physically cares for them just as much as mum. Well apart from breastfeeding lol. I think good dads do bedtimes and nappies, baths and all.

Providing is bullshit tbh, unless mum isn’t working. If you’re both working or both planning to work, then ‘providing’ is hillocks really, cause everyone who is earning is ‘providing’

I definitely agree with you, You hit the nail on the head Thankyou so much

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

When she was a baby he’d get up in the night to change and burp around my feeding because I was too exhausted to get up and get dressed. He’d make me coffee and snacks and go buy me dairy milk during the endless feeding. Now at three we will take her out for the whole day to give me a break, he takes her to the farm, parks and soft play on his own. Is he perfect - no! He’s never ironed her clothes, or cleaned her room and hates reading her books. I do get sick of some of friends saying how great he is because he does what I consider a father should be able to do ie. look after her all day on occasion.

It's so hard when others think you have a perfect life which they know nothing about They see a small part of ur life or even a few hours and think you have it all

Agree with Weary. My DH is the exact same, he is an absolutely amazing father. I see him and just hope I am as half a good mother.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

My husband is a brilliant father. He does anything and everything I do. He will do any of the parenting needed, without needing to be asked. He is confident in his ability. He is fun. He is firm. He parents well alone. He backs me. We are a pair. We discuss how to tackle things. He does the thinking. He will do the birthday parties (and sorts the gifts) that sort of thing.

Relationship goals. I wish my husband would support me in everything I do But rather I just get called annoying if I have to ask him to do anything

@SparkyBlue

It's about actually wanting to be a father. You can't really say that one particular thing makes a good one but DH just adores our children and would go to the ends of the earth for them and just loves their company. I see it even with some of my children's friends. They all all have good fathers as well and you can tell just by the way the children talk about ordinary events even just by having fun watching football together on the telly. I think when children feel safe and happy with that parent then they are doing a good job

Definitely agree with this It is about wanting to be a father And that's lovely hope the bond stays like that x

@FinnyStory

I know it's horribly old fashioned but my Grandad used to say "the best thing a man can do for his children is to love their mother".

It is old fashioned but it's the truth but if you love someone you would do anything for them and help and provide without a fuss

Agree with loving their mother. Fathers role model the way their sons will treat women (and how their daughters expect to be treated)

@FinnyStory
^^
I know it's horribly old fashioned but my Grandad used to say "the best thing a man can do for his children is to love their mother".^^

This is so true. If the partner is treated with respect and love it filters down through everything.

My XH is a really good dad - DD7's needs have always been his priority, especially after he left me.
He loves to spend time with her and has always pushed for 50/50 care.

Lots of love, cuddles and generally be there for them. Willing to do the dirty jobs like clean vomit or change nappies.
Enjoy spending time with them and accept them wholeheartedly.

its so hard when others think you have a perfect life which they know nothing about. They see a small part of ur life or even a few hours and think you have it all no I don’t mean that, I mean I don’t like the congratulating men for doing what women have been doing for generations ie. parenting.

Being an equal parent.... me and DH are a proper team. We're equal parents and adore our DS.
We also really love and respect each other which I think helps

A good parent (father or mother) is someone who shows up for their children. Provides practically and emotionally. By that I dont mean riches, I mean care tasks, keeps them safe and fed and watered.