How do I settle my newborn? Bloody clueless!

[vinoelle]

Stupid FTM question. DD is 5 weeks old and we are struggling with naps during the day. She seems to not need to sleep 🤷‍♀️ The only way I’m managing is BF to sleep and then keep her on me. We’ve tried everything I can think of - hot water bottle in Moses, my jumper, white noise, lullaby/same music each time, sleepyhead, nothing seems to work. Has no routine for naps as always such a battle. Last few days we have managed 30mins after each feed but doesn’t seem to make a difference in terms of her being less grumpy.

I don’t want to ‘make a rod’ for my own back as she will just not let us put her down alone ever, whether tired or not. She screams. No signs of reflux and will happily lie flat on us.

Will go down at night if rocked to sleep. Occasionally will nap in pram but only after an hour walk.

When people say ‘put them down and go back to settle them’ what do they actually mean? What more can we try? Please help!!

First time round I tried to get him to sleep in a moses basket for naps but he wouldn't... Cue overtired baby! This tim round (9 week old) he just sleeps on me during the day and it's lovely. I watch Netflix and cuddle him while he sleeps and he'll happily snooze for hours. Much happier this time 😊

Honestly you're able to put her down at night that is a massive win. I would say try one nap a day away from you so she keeps getting times to practice but doesn't get completely overtired. The rest of them just give in a lie down and watch a show during her nap. Then whizz around like crazy when she is awake and happy to go down momentarily (like 2 minute bursts) or when someone else can hold her. I sympathise as my 3 month old is the same but fortunately I can use a wrap. However she is the same at night too! My son was not like this so completely new to me.

Tbh tiny babies are what Netflix was made for!

I had the same (he was 5 weeks early though) but by 8 weeks he was sleeping on my bed at night (we safely coslept - no husband, no drinking or smoking, no pillows or covers, and I was breastfeeding) but for naps he slept on me for months and his naps only got longer as he got older. At one point I think he was having 5 30 minute naps a day. Now he has a 2 hour nap at 12. He's nearly 20 months now. It seems like it will never end but it does and now I miss him sleeping on me. Everyone will say it but enjoy her while she's little because she won't be that way for long!

Drowsy but awake never worked for me but my baby was a heavy sleeper, she still is so when she was asleep I could transfer. It was not a rod for my back. Neither was sleeping in our bed sometimes from when she woke until about 15 months. Sometimes if she stired when I moved her to her cot rubbing her belly helped.

By not a rod for my back I mean, apart from an about week long regression at 2 years she slept through from 18 months overnight.

Oh and yes to PP who said tiny babies are what Netflix is made for! I binge watched a lot of Netflix when he was tiny!

It's probably not what you want to hear but DS2 would only sleep on me for almost 6 months. I was a broken woman but watched a lot of box sets on Netflix....

Ignore all the “making a rod for your own back” rubbish. Just do whatever works. This phase will be over before you know it so enjoy letting her sleep in your arms while you can! (I have 2 and I rocked them to sleep whenever they needed it. It hasn’t affected their ability to go to sleep by themselves or to stay asleep through the night).

Yup, my daughter was the same. Just lean into the naps, stay put with a snack stash and stick the telly on and watch stuff you like before she can learn any swear words or demand Peppa Pig.

Also, throw any worries about rods and backs away. She's five weeks old, she doesn't even know she has feet yet, much less be capable of putting down immutable patterns for all eternity. Yes, you'll need to vary it as she gets older, but she will also have more mental capacity to deal with the changes as she gets older too, and babies adapt all the time. It'll be fine. Knackering, but fine. Hang in there - mine is six months and they're lovely then!

Sleepy newborn cuddles are the best! Seriously, it’s fine to cuddle and hold your tiny baby why they sleep.

We had success with Love to Dream arms up swaddles from about 3 months.

Thanks for all the replies. I know it’s normal but honestly I’m absolutely hating it. I appreciate the kind sentiments but I’m really really not enjoying being trapped underneath her or cuddling her For prolonged periods of time. It kills my back spending 8-10 hours a day stuck on the sofa and I find watching tv all day depressing. I must be the only mother in the world who hates ‘newborn snuggles’. It’s also affecting my ability to bond with her as it feels like a prison.

In the same boat OP! My DS is 3 weeks old and sleeps like a dream at night I can put him down into moses basket awake and he'll fall asleep by himself but during the day just wants to he held! I find swaddling a huge help and some days I can swaddle, rock to sleep and transfer to basket! Other days he is having none of it and I do just have to hold him, keep persevering with transferring to bed! Totally understand how you feel I cannot stand not being able to get on and do my own thing because I have to hold him 😫

@vinoelle It really won’t go on forever.

Can you stick the baby in a sling for naps so you can get up and move? I’ve got a serious back issue and you can find slings that work even if that’s a problem. Plus not being seated all the time helps. It’s worth talking to a sling consultant/library who can help find something that works for you.

They do get used to the world and it gets easier. Really it does.

Sounds exactly like mine. We tried absolutely everything to get him to nap for longer than half an hour in his cot/moses basket/ pram.He was totally fine at night just for daytime naps. It didn’t work he would only settle on us. At about 5.5 months he would then nap in his cot no problem. It was literally like a switch was flipped. He’s now a great napper.