How do I settle my newborn? Bloody clueless!

[vinoelle]

Stupid FTM question. DD is 5 weeks old and we are struggling with naps during the day. She seems to not need to sleep 🤷‍♀️ The only way I’m managing is BF to sleep and then keep her on me. We’ve tried everything I can think of - hot water bottle in Moses, my jumper, white noise, lullaby/same music each time, sleepyhead, nothing seems to work. Has no routine for naps as always such a battle. Last few days we have managed 30mins after each feed but doesn’t seem to make a difference in terms of her being less grumpy.

I don’t want to ‘make a rod’ for my own back as she will just not let us put her down alone ever, whether tired or not. She screams. No signs of reflux and will happily lie flat on us.

Will go down at night if rocked to sleep. Occasionally will nap in pram but only after an hour walk.

When people say ‘put them down and go back to settle them’ what do they actually mean? What more can we try? Please help!!

[iusedtoloveopalfruits1]

Sounds exactly like mine. We tried absolutely everything to get him to nap for longer than half an hour in his cot/moses basket/ pram.He was totally fine at night just for daytime naps. It didn’t work he would only settle on us. At about 5.5 months he would then nap in his cot no problem. It was literally like a switch was flipped. He’s now a great napper.

[WooMaWang]

@vinoelle It really won’t go on forever.

Can you stick the baby in a sling for naps so you can get up and move? I’ve got a serious back issue and you can find slings that work even if that’s a problem. Plus not being seated all the time helps. It’s worth talking to a sling consultant/library who can help find something that works for you.

They do get used to the world and it gets easier. Really it does.

[chelsea2704]

In the same boat OP! My DS is 3 weeks old and sleeps like a dream at night I can put him down into moses basket awake and he'll fall asleep by himself but during the day just wants to he held! I find swaddling a huge help and some days I can swaddle, rock to sleep and transfer to basket! Other days he is having none of it and I do just have to hold him, keep persevering with transferring to bed! Totally understand how you feel I cannot stand not being able to get on and do my own thing because I have to hold him 😫

[vinoelle]

Thanks for all the replies. I know it’s normal but honestly I’m absolutely hating it. I appreciate the kind sentiments but I’m really really not enjoying being trapped underneath her or cuddling her For prolonged periods of time. It kills my back spending 8-10 hours a day stuck on the sofa and I find watching tv all day depressing. I must be the only mother in the world who hates ‘newborn snuggles’. It’s also affecting my ability to bond with her as it feels like a prison.

[FizzingWhizzbee123]

Sleepy newborn cuddles are the best! Seriously, it’s fine to cuddle and hold your tiny baby why they sleep.

We had success with Love to Dream arms up swaddles from about 3 months.

[DuvetCaterpillar]

Yup, my daughter was the same. Just lean into the naps, stay put with a snack stash and stick the telly on and watch stuff you like before she can learn any swear words or demand Peppa Pig.

Also, throw any worries about rods and backs away. She's five weeks old, she doesn't even know she has feet yet, much less be capable of putting down immutable patterns for all eternity. Yes, you'll need to vary it as she gets older, but she will also have more mental capacity to deal with the changes as she gets older too, and babies adapt all the time. It'll be fine. Knackering, but fine. Hang in there - mine is six months and they're lovely then!

[HarryHarry1]

Ignore all the “making a rod for your own back” rubbish. Just do whatever works. This phase will be over before you know it so enjoy letting her sleep in your arms while you can! (I have 2 and I rocked them to sleep whenever they needed it. It hasn’t affected their ability to go to sleep by themselves or to stay asleep through the night).

[NanooCov]

It's probably not what you want to hear but DS2 would only sleep on me for almost 6 months. I was a broken woman but watched a lot of box sets on Netflix....

[GreenLeafTurnip]

Oh and yes to PP who said tiny babies are what Netflix is made for! I binge watched a lot of Netflix when he was tiny!

[Bramblecrumble]

By not a rod for my back I mean, apart from an about week long regression at 2 years she slept through from 18 months overnight.

[Bramblecrumble]

Drowsy but awake never worked for me but my baby was a heavy sleeper, she still is so when she was asleep I could transfer. It was not a rod for my back. Neither was sleeping in our bed sometimes from when she woke until about 15 months. Sometimes if she stired when I moved her to her cot rubbing her belly helped.

[GreenLeafTurnip]

I had the same (he was 5 weeks early though) but by 8 weeks he was sleeping on my bed at night (we safely coslept - no husband, no drinking or smoking, no pillows or covers, and I was breastfeeding) but for naps he slept on me for months and his naps only got longer as he got older. At one point I think he was having 5 30 minute naps a day. Now he has a 2 hour nap at 12. He's nearly 20 months now. It seems like it will never end but it does and now I miss him sleeping on me. Everyone will say it but enjoy her while she's little because she won't be that way for long!

[LittleBearPad]

Tbh tiny babies are what Netflix was made for!

[MsChatterbox]

Honestly you're able to put her down at night that is a massive win. I would say try one nap a day away from you so she keeps getting times to practice but doesn't get completely overtired. The rest of them just give in a lie down and watch a show during her nap. Then whizz around like crazy when she is awake and happy to go down momentarily (like 2 minute bursts) or when someone else can hold her. I sympathise as my 3 month old is the same but fortunately I can use a wrap. However she is the same at night too! My son was not like this so completely new to me.

[surreygirl1987]

First time round I tried to get him to sleep in a moses basket for naps but he wouldn't... Cue overtired baby! This tim round (9 week old) he just sleeps on me during the day and it's lovely. I watch Netflix and cuddle him while he sleeps and he'll happily snooze for hours. Much happier this time 😊

[KingscoteStaff]

Both of mine had a '5 mile stare' that was an infallible sign that they were tired. By the time they were yawning/rubbing eyes, they were over-tired and found it really hard to drop off.

If I caught the cue (took a while to get good at this) I could head to darkened room, swaddle and put down in cot, keep hand flat on baby's chest with light pressure for a while and set the mobile going, then do clothes folding/pottering for a few minutes and then leave.

Also, this:
Sometimes a baby crying isn't saying "pick me up and cuddle me" but is instead saying "I just need to explain in detail how tired I am" and picking them up makes it more difficult to drop off to sleep.

[Superscientist]

She sounds exactly like my 5 week old. During the day she rarely sleeps in the crib, on bad days she will only sleep on me and not on anyone else. We bought a bouncy chair a week or so ago which we will stay asleep in for short periods (supervised). At nights she needs to be a sleep on one of us for 30+ minutes before she can be put down to sleep (gentle rocking is needed to keep her asleep).

Have a look at the wonder weeks site/app there is a leap around 4-6 weeks.

[Singlewhiteguineapig]

She is a tiny weeny baby, you just have to go with it and it will gradually change. Just feed her and hold her and sit on the sofa. Go out for a walk and look after yourself. There is no such thing as bad habits and if someone is saying that to you, tell them to fuck off

[WooMaWang]

DS3 is 5 weeks too. He feeds to sleep and will only sleep on or next to me for the most part. He’s starting to accept being transferred fast asleep to the pram at about 9pm. But he won’t entertain sleeping in his bedside crib (because he is only near me not touching me).

My other two DSes were the same really. Although DS1 did accept being put down more. It works itself out over time.

I’m just going with it. I wish DH would though. He keeps nagging about ‘independence’ and other nonsense given we’re talking about a 5 week old. You’d think we were talking about a 25 year old who won’t leave home. It’s frustrating.

[ReeseWitherfork]

At what age does this change/ get better ?
Constantly. The weirdly specific needs they have one week will be different to next week. Lean into it, don’t let us stress you. Let her cuddle on you. Make sure you make a cuppa and have the TV remote to hand before you sit down and embrace it. You can throw the washing on and something in the oven when your partner is home. Don’t worry about bad habits, not even a concept at 5 weeks.

[PlinkPlink]

Bless you, love.

I remember struggling with the change into motherhood particularly with DS's sleep. It just seemed never ending.

When he turned one, I put him in his own room, put white noise on and fed him to sleep. Then I'd sneak away and have some time to myself. He eventually learnt to go longer and longer without me. I also had the camera for peace of mind.

You could start trying this earlier though. I would have if we weren't moving house at the time 😂 you may want to look up sleep regressions though... there's a big one at 4 months and a couple more after i think.

But try not to stress about it too much. Just relax and get some good TV in 😊😊

[Razpoot]

Congrats on your little girl!
Honestly, I just accepted my fate at your stage. Put housework way down my priority list and sat in bed all day watching Netflix so DD had a chance to sleep as she would also not sleep alone, and still doesn't at 7 weeks! It used to frustrate me. Then I read about the fourth trimester and it changed my perspective. Your baby adores you OP, you're everything safe that she knows and that's why being away from you is hard. You're her rock in this new, big open world. When I realised this myself, I didn't mind sacrficing my arms and time for her to be happy while she adjusts. It's not at the stage where you can "make a rod" for yourself so don't worry about that or routine either.

How long are you keeping her awake? I think I actually made mine undertired at your stage because I didn't understand sometimes they just need a little bit of wake time to play. Now that we play for a bit and go round the house she sleeps better.

As for the swaddling, I definetely second that! If you're trying to settle her obviously all babies are differently but honestly, swaddling her up, getting up and rocking and bouncing with my knees helps mine! Almost like im simulating pram movement. MIL scoffs at me for it but it works! Worth a try for you too maybe, let us know how it all goes!!

[pinkcheesecake]

That's really normal. I spent weeks trying to establish nap time. As a first time mother myself, I worked out that DS just wanted to be held close to me and fall asleep bf. He would be up for 2-2.5 hours and start getting cranky where I would take him to my bedroom with curtains drawn and just hold him and gently rock him. I had Ewan the sheep which would play and he will fall asleep. I would also swaddle him and leave my top next to him so he could sleep longer smelling me without me being there if I needed to run errands in the house. Don't worry, your newborn is still very young and it takes time to establish some routine.

[vinoelle]

@Persipan EXACTLY.

Thanks all - have tried swaddling and do have a comfort blanket. At what age does this change/ get better ?

[Littlefrog99]

You absolutely cannot spoil a baby by cuddling it too much at this age. She needs you close right now so accept that your life is now dictated by that gorgeous little bundle and enjoy the cosy newborn cuddles while they last. I really miss those moments.