What do you do if you’re a bad parent

[AIMD]

If you know your a bad parent, even though you try you bets, what do you do?

I don’t mean abusively bad, I just mean not a great parent. Do you just accept you’re a bit shit.

What?

So if someone knows they're a bad parent which equates to abuse, they just sit back and think 'oh well'...?

Wired thread op...

Do you mean oh I'm bad ' because I let mine have too much screentime' or 'mine has too much sugar'.

Basically people will be offended or they'll be abusive

also if you know it surely you stop?

Do you mean the title 'what do I wish I was better at?'

I know I'm a bit shit. A lot shit actually. My dc disagree though. They think I'm the best Mum in the world.
I try and be better. But I can't always manage it

What is it you're "bad" at? Let's break it down? I bet the things you think you're "bad" at are things that half the mums on here are bad at too.

It depends what you mean, but if I genuinely thought that I would do everything in my power to change: seek help, read books, go on a parenting course etc.

I accept that I allow my children on their screens much too much. A better parent I feel, would not however I do it for an easy life.
I've been known to interfere in DC's friendships and have been known to make not very nice comments about certain children in front of my DC. I accept this is really not good parenting or teaching my DC very well.

If you know your a bad parent as in don’t have enough boundaries or know how to discipline effectively etc or communicate effectively then surely you do a parenting course?

But my question is OP why do you think you are a bad parent? What actions or lack of actions make you think you’re a bad parent?

What do you mean by bad? We all make mistakes and there’s no such thing as a perfect parent. I think we all instinctively try to make changes and alter what we didn’t like about our own childhood but what do you think constitutes bad?

If you genuinely love your DC, want the best for them and aren't abusive then you're halfway there and can surely attempt to make improvements?

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

What?

So if someone knows they're a bad parent which equates to abuse, they just sit back and think 'oh well'...?

No I specifically said not abusive

I reported this post as you don't give enough information for us not to believe this post I about abusing kids

By bad I mean things like I’m not consist enough with boundaries, I’m not positive, I get stressed and grumpy easily over things like running late and get everyone worked up with my own stresses. Maybe I don’t mean I’m a ‘bad’ parent, maybe I mean I’m ‘not a good’ parent. Certainly not what I hoped I’d be or want to be.

Obviously I try to be better but I end up adding more stress and guilt which makes things worse. I sometimes think if I just except I’m not the best parent and remove the guilt (as if I could anyway) I’d be a lot less stressed and grumpy anyway.

@BonnieMcflurry

I reported this post as you don't give enough information for us not to believe this post I about abusing kids

That’s just weird. OP needs to be more specific but there is a large gulf between normal parenting guilt and abuse! I think it is worth really working out what you think you are “bad” at. Then there might be ideas people can offer

@BonnieMcflurry

I reported this post as you don't give enough information for us not to believe this post I about abusing kids

I’ve added more that maybe should have added in original op.

What do you mean? In what way are you shit? Are you neglecting your children in some way? Are you bringing a series of boyfriends to the house? Or what ?

This afternoon I have been a 'bad parent' my friend came round for coffee and I basically ignored dc (14 and 11) while I sat in the garden with her having a catch up and they sat inside on screens. Tomorrow I am taking them out so tomorrow I am a 'good parent' swings and roundabouts sometimes it's bad sometimes it's good!

I'm impatient and often sound exasperated to my 5yo and now he's started saying "what?!" in a very annoyed voice, which I'm sure he's gotten from me, along with the sighing. I would love to improve and to find more fun in some of their games but I'm often exhausted and want a sit down/ don't want to risk bladder leaks from constant running races. I also don't have great strategies for dealing with unacceptable behaviour (kicking, hitting etc)

Well, you’re posting on a parenting site so that’s a start. Obviously you do care about it or you wouldn’t be here. If you’re able to outline specific situations where you feel you could have done better then posters might be able to share advice and their own experiences. Your posts are a bit too vague so far for anyone to offer much more than very general advice.

You might find browsing older threads helpful too. Just seeing that other people get impatient and fed up can help you realise that maybe you’re not all that bad plus there will be advice and opinions applicable to your own concerns.

@DaughterX

I'm impatient and often sound exasperated to my 5yo and now he's started saying "what?!" in a very annoyed voice, which I'm sure he's gotten from me, along with the sighing. I would love to improve and to find more fun in some of their games but I'm often exhausted and want a sit down/ don't want to risk bladder leaks from constant running races. I also don't have great strategies for dealing with unacceptable behaviour (kicking, hitting etc)

This is similar to me. I feel worn out emotionally and physically.

I know what to do but don’t have the energy to do it.

I play with them a lot, take them places, talk and listen to them.....but it seems to raise their expectations and make them demand more for me I feel. Then every few week I have. A few days where I just struggle to cope and am grumpy and stress with them, I think a result of being worn down by everything generally.

How old are they?

Do you have any support/a partner?
Do you get any time off?

What does a normal day look like for you?

Me too. My children are just so boisterous it's overwhelming for me and everyone around them. Not regularly mixing with children has made it worse, so I organise meeting with others, one of my DC in particular always acts out and I'm left mortified, then dread having to do it again. I've gone wrong somewhere, I always pull them up on the poor behaviour, but it's not enough.

@CantSleepClownsWillEatMe

Well, you’re posting on a parenting site so that’s a start. Obviously you do care about it or you wouldn’t be here. If you’re able to outline specific situations where you feel you could have done better then posters might be able to share advice and their own experiences. Your posts are a bit too vague so far for anyone to offer much more than very general advice.

You might find browsing older threads helpful too. Just seeing that other people get impatient and fed up can help you realise that maybe you’re not all that bad plus there will be advice and opinions applicable to your own concerns.

Ok so one example is sibling arguments. They’ve been arguing terribly recently...it’s almost constant all day. Makes doing anything hard...playing, shopping ...anything results in arguments. I assume it’s maybe a culmination of spending way too much time together over the last 5 months!

Usually I manage it ok try strategies I have read online, give one to one time etc. Today I just didn’t have the energy (was a difficult day yesterday buying new shoes for them), So I just said ok if you’re going to argue about everything I’m not going to do anything with you.i cancelled the few things we were going to do, then when we tried other things I stopped them as soon as the inevitable arguing started. Didn’t play with them at all because they didn’t go too long without arguing until later in the afternoon.

I don’t think today would have helped the arguing I just got to the end of my patience and gave in.

@ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble

How old are they?

Do you have any support/a partner?
Do you get any time off?

What does a normal day look like for you?

4 and 6 At the moment it working from home 4 days a week and partner working from home 5 days. We mainly work around each other so one is always with the kids. We try to go out most days to woods, parks etc and we meet friends one or twice a week. Usually we get up and ready quite early but that’s slipped during loxkdown/covid a little.

I have a husband who does things with them but I am like many mums the default. Also he is struggling with balancing work childcare stress too. We don’t have anyone else who has them really.