All I want is a little bit of help..

[missbecks90]

I feel awful even writing this but do you ever just get fed up off asking parents for help and never getting it?
I get that my two children DD aged 3 & DS aged 7 are mine and are my responsibility but I work two jobs, I have suspected ME & I struggle physically. My dad is retired & my mum works part time 8-12hours a week they both have a lot of free time & I must ask maybe once every couple weeks if they would just pop round to our house, have a cup of tea and I can make them a sandwich just to keep an eye on my children while I get some house work done. My DS isn't to bad he can entertain himself & is happy to do so but my 3 year old DD wants constant attention.
I feel like as fast as I tidy something else or another room is being wrecked, I know probably most mother's/parents go through this but everytime I ask I get an excuse. I'm not talking all day watching them just a few hours I'd get so much done. I guess I'm just fed up and needed somewhere to vent, does anyone else ever feel like this, like your pushing water uphill? 🥺

Do you have a good relationship with them? I’m surprised they don’t want to visit more, some grandparents don’t unfortunately. Could you ask if you can take your kids to their house to give you a few hours to tidy or relax?

Are you a single parent op? Any sign of support from the father or family? I'd be honest with your parents. They might not be keen but you won't know until you ask. It's completely understandable you feel you're struggling at times.

So you are asking already? What do they say?

Your three year old will be entitled to free hours at nursery the term after she turned three if that helps x

What do they say when you ask them?

I know exactly how you feel, I have no help either not even if I just want to take a shower or have a nap or even just an hour to myself it's hard, it's exhausting, sadly I can't offer any advice as I'm in the same position just wanted you to know your not on your own. Keep strong your doing amazing x

Hi guys thanks for your replies.

I'm married to children's dad and we live together but he works full time (self employed) so works long-ish hours and finishing times can vary.
I will try to get some jobs done when he gets home but usually by the time he gets in I've got tea/bath time on the go, he will help me when he gets in but then housework goes out the window because we have that to concentrate on.
Yes we do generally have a good relationship I love them both to death & they adore their grandchildren. I think this is why I sometimes struggle with why they won't help me or come here for a couple hours.

They live about 18/19 miles away from me which takes about 25 mins house to house so I don't even mind taking them to their house I'm not expecting them to collect them all the time, but then them having them children for a couple hours turns into half of the time they do I'm driving to and from their house which kinda defeats the object a little. The excuses will vary from my M & F are having a day out together, they are doing their own house work to my mother is tired from work.

On the upside since posting I messaged my 20 year old sister in desperation and although she had her own plans for her only day off this week she's turned up at the house and it's currently looking after the children for me 😇

Oh and my daughter doesn't go to nursery during school hols so she will be going back in September when her brother returns to school x

Is it possible that you've got rose tinted glasses when it comes to your children? My sister bitches all the time about how our parents don't want to look after her 5 and 7yr old - it's because they're basically demons, destructive, rude and disobedient. Impossible to enjoy, unfortunately.

Sorry, didn't mean to be implying that your children are awful, I'm sure theyre not, jusst is it possible that they could be a bit too much for your parents to manage?

They've done their parenting though right?

It seems like a tough situation for you and sounds like you have a huge amount on your plate. I'd be expecting your OH to step up more not blaming my parents - they've earned the free time after raising their kid/(s)

Presumably your dp doesn't work 7days a week?
I don't know anyone that has gp help to get housework done.....and you asked someone on their only day off... !!
That's really out if order ...

maybe plan out your chores more/ lower your standards/ get a cleaner?? Many a single parent does all of that and often more...

I'm not saying its easy but your kids aren't that small ..

I wonder if your parents feel they can't 'handle' the kids on their own, or that the responsibility of a child worries them, I know that is going on with my step-daughter and her DP's parents, they can only have one of the kids at a time, one boy is 5 the other 3 and they find it hard dealing with the 3 year old, he is in to everything and quite a handful, whereas the 5 year old is just so good, it is a hard situation especially in your circumstances, where you are also holding down two jobs and having to keep a house and be a parent, it is a real lot of work. Hopefully your sister will love spending time with the kids today and want to do it more often

It sounds like you need a bit of help and I don't think you're asking for the world. I'd do that for my kids when they were grown. Maybe they find it too tiring? Everyone needs a break though.

Firstly I don't look through rose tinted glasses at all but when they do have them they say they have been really well behaved, which they usually are when they are with me to. They have their moments of course but for the most part they are "good." My sister actually offered after I asked and she would have 100% said no if she didn't want to, I told her not to come when I realised she was only off today but she insisted...& of course I've never stopped thanking her since she arrived.
I was raised pretty much by my grandparents from 4 upwards as my mum and dad both worked full time.
I think it's a little unfair to say that I should just be able to manage and that I'm out of order for asking for help! For the most part I don't ask them for anything at all, I've lived not in my family (grandparents) home since I was 16 and I've never asked for money, and very little of the time...just sometimes I get a little overwhelmed. I certainly don't think that makes me a bad person or a bad parent.
Also OH works all weekdays approx 8am-6/7pm I work all weekend in one job 9am-6pm.

@missbecks90

Firstly I don't look through rose tinted glasses at all but when they do have them they say they have been really well behaved, which they usually are when they are with me to. They have their moments of course but for the most part they are "good." My sister actually offered after I asked and she would have 100% said no if she didn't want to, I told her not to come when I realised she was only off today but she insisted...& of course I've never stopped thanking her since she arrived. I was raised pretty much by my grandparents from 4 upwards as my mum and dad both worked full time. I think it's a little unfair to say that I should just be able to manage and that I'm out of order for asking for help! For the most part I don't ask them for anything at all, I've lived not in my family (grandparents) home since I was 16 and I've never asked for money, and very little of the time...just sometimes I get a little overwhelmed. I certainly don't think that makes me a bad person or a bad parent. Also OH works all weekdays approx 8am-6/7pm I work all weekend in one job 9am-6pm.

I think to be honest you and your partner need to reevaluate your lifestyle. You're overwhelmed and you don't have help you can rely on, so perhaps it's time to change something about your situation.

Also, to be brutally honest, if your parents weren't interested in spending time taking care of their own children, I'm not sure why you'd expect them to want to spend their days off looking after yours.

Well thankyou to those who tried to be nice & offered kind words. I just wanted somewhere to offload. Seems not everyone agrees, and some replies are just uncalled for.

Maybe I should reevaluate my life but if we need money to live on then there's not a whole lot else I can do. My kids are happy & healthy and that's the main thing, I just wanted a little help...my MIL jumps at the chance but I don't ask her because she already takes care of my SIL son twice a week.

Ask your MIL if she seems keen!!

It is ironic that your grandparents brought you up but your parents are not willing helpers, perhaps they just aren't keen on the work of caring for children full stop...

If your MIL offers, accept the help; presumably she wants to see your children just as much as she sees her other grandchild.

I do ask if I'm desperate, not meaning I don't want her to but her and my FIL are 70 years old & my parents are early 60s and in general are better health wise.

She's the kinda lady who won't say no to anything and I'd feel awful if I'd put her in the position she felt like she had to.

You’re entitled to ask but they are entitled to say no. You have a partner so really you should be able to manage chores between you!

You said you have two jobs, is the other one 5 days a week so you work 7 days a week? That's unhealthy - should think about dropping the weekend one and managing your budget so you can live on less. You'll get burned out. If the other job is just a few days during the week can you not put the 3 year old in childcare once a week so you can get stuff done? Yes it would be great if the grandparents would take her once a week but it looks like you can't bank on that. If they don't want to you can't make them, and by insisting you'll just be creating disharmony.

Another idea is to find a local teenager who wants to make a little money who will entertain the three year old for you while you get jobs done. Doesn't have to be a fully fledged professional nanny or anything as you'll be home so can take over if there's an emergency.

I think it’s a little 🤨 to be complaining your parents won’t help but you have many excuses as to why the children’s actual father, can’t. It’s up to you two at least try and make an arrangement to manage the situation (that you two created) where he helps more before you complain about people who aren’t their parents not helping out enough, sorry.

Ok thanks everyone for your suggestions.

They say it takes a village to raise a child, and I can see why as a single parent to two.
Unfortunately, the 'your kids, your problem' brigade didn't get that memo.
Amazing how people just let parents struggle on to breaking point.
Good luck. I hope it gets better soon for you.