Extreme fourth trimester

[p0ptart]

This is my second baby so I should know what I'm doing, but... I've forgotten everything!

DD is 4 weeks and I just can't put her down or leave her with anyone else. Of course she wants to be held, but she's almost constantly on my boobs (she's breastfed). She feeds and then she falls asleep. If I try to then pass her to someone else or put her in her cot or sleepyhead, she wakes up and cries. I then start all over again. DH tries really hard to comfort her by rocking, walking, dummy, but nothing works.

I'm just really struggling. Four weeks of nothing but holding her all day every day and every night. Is the end in sight? Is there anything I can do? Thank you.

Hey . I also am on my second. He is 4 weeks old ...he also doesnt enjoy being put down and has zero down time. Im also breastfeeding this time around which is new to me as i formula fed on my first. Its very challenging he feeds most hours during the daytime. Slightly less at night. Hard to care for my toddler while feeding constantly. Hope u take some peace of mind knowing ur not alone and this is temporary it will get easier as they settle a bit more

Will she settle in a sling or carrier? Pretty sure I remember 4 weeks as being absolutely rock bottom in terms of clinging, and things getting gradually better from then on. I decided to just ride it out with DD1 and basically had her with me all the time until she didn’t seem to need that so much. The sling was a bit of a godsend as it meant I had my hands free. Never could load the dishwasher though....

Thank you both, and sorry @Missybishop you're in the same sad shoes. @crazychemist the sling helps only for a short period, and only if the sling wearer is walking at pace. She's fine if we go out for walks with her in the sling - no stopping though! - but it's not effective for walking around the house. Too slow. I also wish we had a car as I hear that holds magical qualities for babies, but we live in London and don't.

I just want to be able to do things that involve two hands occasionally during the day! It's tragic when you have to ask your husband to hold the baby and brace for screaming just so you can go wee.

Oh I remember this well. Used to go for a shower before my husband went to work and every.single.time would find him outside the bathroom door with a screaming baby . Would white noise played at volume help at all? Not just for sleeps but if she's awake and fussing? I only have one so I just spent the majority of the time feeding on the sofa but it's difficult if you have an older child too.

Have you tried a wrap sling? The long stretchy ones? They worked a treat for my premature baby who spent a lot of the third trimester as well as most of the forth in it. Much better than the regular slings I used for my other kids.

Also skin-to-skin in the sling, and feeding in the sling so I only had to tip her a bit once she fell asleep on the breast.

Yes we have tried white noise (both YouTube pink noise on loop and Ewan the sheep) and stretchy sling. We've also tried three types of dummies, rocking, walking around the house, bouncy chair, vibrations, singing, and even the hoover out of desperation (like on peppa pig...). When will the clinginess ease??

I found the sling to be so helpful with ds2! He pretty much lived in it until 6 months old!

Sorry, I just read the other comments about the sling...

No advice but watching with interest as we’re going through the same thing. My back is killing me with the constant holding and breast feeding! So hard with other little ones to care for too! Am feeling guilty that I’m wishing this phase away! Sending strength!

Hi pop tart

crying a lot and not settling could be sign of colic or more hungry baby and not getting enough from breast milk, might need hungry milk. I would speak with your health Vistor or a doctor. Or maybe different dummy. Hope this helps, my 1st was crying all time and found out was colic, so got some colic medicine

To anyone whose baby is diagnosed with 'colic': that's just the term used when medical professionals don't know what's wrong. It's not a condition with an exact physiological underpin, and there can therefore be no treatment. They'd be better off saying your baby could be gassy, as that's what is meant in the majority of cases. Whether the gas is causing the crying or caused by all the air-swallowing during crying is anyone's guess.

(My first baby was said to have 'colic' - on reflection she was just high spirited and impatient!)

@Bettyboop82 💪🏼💪🏼we can do this! I get the guilt - let your partner look after the older ones if possible. Or lots of iPad! This is only temporary.

I also wish we had a car as I hear that holds magical qualities for babies

Not necessarily. My son hated the car when he was new. Only now at 5 months will he sleep in the car seat.

I found that the clinginess with mine eased at around 8 or so weeks. Its ramped up a notch again now though as I think my son notices when I leave the room and whines.

Try leaving a worn t-shirt with her. Your scent will be on it and she might settle better if you need to leave her with someone else.

It would be nice if every thread about an unsettled bf baby didn’t end up with someone saying they must be hungry. Sounds like you’re doing a great job OP! I know it’s hard & I have no practical advice but just remember this too shall pass. Try to enjoy the sleepy cuddles after feeds because those don’t last very long when they get older and want to look at absolutely everything around 🤦‍♀️

4 weeks is the point I went to the supermarket alone. The bliss of being unattached for an hour.

No one will die if you piss off for an hour a day. In fact it'll do them all good.

Have you considered possible reflux? Or CMPA? My daughter was like this and had both

@Wallywobbles ha absolutely, no one would die. My husband's ear drums might melt though 😱

@Wingingthis reflux is definitely a problem. My older one had it, and was given ranitidine which didn't help at all. Maybe I need to get in touch with the GP. Thank you for the reminder!

@June628 thank you 😊 I ignored the hungry comment! I think people mean well, but comments like that contribute to the low breastfeeding rate in this country.

You could try cutting out dairy and see if it helps
Things :)

Does she do horizontal at all or does she loathe lying down even with you?
If she's happy to lie with you, BF lying down and upside down for a bit of back relief.
Co-sleeping sometimes helpsif that's something you're happy to do.
Does a baby massage help then leave her with dad whilst you spend time with toddler?
I agree about colic not being a thing.

Hi OP, I stick a clean muslin in my bra each night to soak up any leaked milk then use that muslin as a comforter during the next day for naps. It really helps when you need to put them down.
I also recommend the Nuk genius dummy for breastfed babies. It's the only dummy my baby would take and keep in- lifesaver!

@Wingingthis that's a good suggestion, though profiteroles and lattes are the only good things in my life right now! 🥛

@Lov3rlybaby I do bed-share at night (otherwise I'd not get any sleep), and try to feed horizontally when she wakes up. DD might be a bit too young for this still as she keeps flopping over, but I'm hopeful she'll be able to do it when she's older (my older one did it for close to 2 years!). It doesn't work during the day though for some reason!

OP hopefully you’ll ignore the awful advice re “hungry baby” 🙄

My DS was like this and it did get better with time. As everyone else has said, sling is your friend!

God mine was like this for 2 years ..... hence I only had one.

Hang in there OP .... it does pass. My sprightly 7 year old is the best ever