Extreme fourth trimester

[p0ptart]

This is my second baby so I should know what I'm doing, but... I've forgotten everything!

DD is 4 weeks and I just can't put her down or leave her with anyone else. Of course she wants to be held, but she's almost constantly on my boobs (she's breastfed). She feeds and then she falls asleep. If I try to then pass her to someone else or put her in her cot or sleepyhead, she wakes up and cries. I then start all over again. DH tries really hard to comfort her by rocking, walking, dummy, but nothing works.

I'm just really struggling. Four weeks of nothing but holding her all day every day and every night. Is the end in sight? Is there anything I can do? Thank you.

Hey just to keep you posted i put my pillow cover on the matress in the moses basket and we also bought the clever mama pillow ...even tho i know they are not reccomend... my ds seems to like a lift of the head . He slept in his moses basket now two nights in a row . Stick with the feeding ..your milk is in and she will soon start to settle. ..... it can only get easier . Also i found that on my chest between feeds he would cry for the boobs but on my husband's chest he would chill better ... its like they can smell the milk and just want it cos its there lol . This is obviously just in the evenings when he home from work .... stay strong fellow mama

Thank you all for the lovely comments and suggestions. DD still seems to only want me, but yesterday she had slightly longer periods of being awake without crying, which was nice! I'm trying to cherish these cuddly days before they're gone...

Breastfeeding mums out there: does/did anyone breastfeed except a bottle of formula before bed? I know there's no hard evidence for this, but all my friends who did this say their babies slept better after doing this... I breastfed my first exclusively and she was and still is a terrible sleeper. I'm tempted to try this formula before bed idea for this one.

Try osteopath (the Osteopathic Centre for Children has a North London and a South London Clinic), exclusion diet, camomile tea (I've had 3 intolerant babies who I carried around constantly). I can sympathise.

I only have one baby and when she was around the same age as your baby she decided napping really wasn’t for her unless she was being moved and held, so I had to find creative ways to help settle her to sleep. She has always been good at entertaining herself, so it’s not the same situation you’re describing so this might not be helpful, but just in case it is I thought I’d comment.

I remember putting DD in a wrap sling and bouncing on my birthing ball (bloody useless in labour, a lifesaver once the baby was actually here!). That would settle her into a deep sleep and then I was free to move around at a normal pace (rare I could afford to sit down, though). I also used to hoover the house with her in the sling. The movement of actually hoovering along with the noise worked well. Washing up was another one, the movement of me doing the washing up would send her to sleep. I’d put the extractor fan and the radio on in the kitchen and she would be jiggled to sleep while I did the washing up. Sometimes I’d wash everything twice. (We do actually have a dishwasher by the way, but I needed the child to nap!)

Re formula, I have always given one bottle a day, otherwise she is breastfed. I had to express and bottle feed to begin with so she could always take a bottle and I didn’t want her to lose the ability. I now give it before bed but when DD was your baby’s age my DH would give a bottle of formula as a dreamfeed at around 11, which got me a few consecutive hours’ sleep before the night shift started!! I do think it helped her to sleep better overnight, and even if it didn’t it certainly helped me to get some sleep- I went to bed shortly after she did.

My baby is 6 months now and she naps well in her cot, I haven’t used the sling in ages. I miss all the snuggling sometimes already.

Thank you @Dillybear that's really helpful. So once your baby fell into a deep sleep, were you able to pop her into a cot or into someone else's arms? I don't seem to have trouble getting DD to nod off, but the transfer is hardly ever successful.

OP, I'm also considering a bottle of formula before bed this time round. DD was ebf but I'm far less puritanical about it this time round. Probably because I know how bad night time wake ups got! DS sleeps pretty well at night now but so did DD at this stage so I'm under no illusions. I can't remember at what age things got bad with DD but it may have been around the 4 mth sleep regression. Keen to avoid it this time if possible. I am far less patient this time round and will night wean later on if necessary. I'm hoping that a bottle of formula before bed will be the panacea.

I also have a velcro baby. He's asleep on me now in fact. The house is an absolute tip. I have all manner of wraps and slings so no excuse really.

Swing Chair. Not the vibrating but swinging ones. Ours was battery operated from Mamas and Papas and saved my sanity with my velcro baby.

Pop 4 -6 weeks was hard, hard work. DS was glued to me all the time, constant wanting to feed but arching away and getting cross, wouldn't be put down etc. We made it though the storm and he definitely chilled after 6 weeks ( he also had CMPA but thats another story). He's EBF and i cant tell you how manh people went ' oh he must be hungry' - he wasnt, gained amazingly, he was just getting into his BF groove!

Just keep reminding yourself it's only temporary, get a sling if you can and fermenter that if you need to take 5 minutes for yourself in the loo then that's okay

@p0ptart

To begin with I didn’t dare move her once she was asleep! Although I did get a sleepyhead when she was around 10 weeks old and magically I was able to put her down once she’d fallen asleep, which was amazing.

I focused a lot of effort on teaching her to fall asleep where she would stay asleep, which I think means they can learn to nap for longer and settle independently. Definitely much easier for me to do as I only have one child (HOW is it possible to have two?!?) and it was lockdown so I had time on my hands.

I transitioned from all naps being in the sling/pram/my arms, to naps in the cot - put her down, leave the room, she goes to sleep. I did it by being really consistent with sleep associations that didn’t need my continued input (like nap routine, white noise, dark room, lullaby, sleep bag etc.) whilst reducing sleep associations that were dependent on me (me holding her and rocking her) gradually.

Just wanted to add, I know that a sleepyhead isn’t for everyone and it’s your call of course on what is right for your child. I used one because she was impossible to put down once she was asleep. Totally normal and I loved the cuddles so I went with it for a few weeks. But I fell asleep holding her one night and when I woke up she had sort of shuffled down into the crook of my arm and I hadn’t woken up when it happened. I could see how that could have been really dangerous and it gave me a real fright. I felt that a sleepyhead where I could put her down to sleep was a safer option than unsafe accidental cosleeping (I tried safe cosleeping but at that age being next to me wasn’t enough, she wanted to be on me to sleep). For me it was about which option was less risky, rather than being able to eliminate the risk altogether.

@Missmonkeypenny how did your little one get diagnosed with CMPA? I cut out dairy for a couple of weeks with my older one when she was little, as her reflux was bad, but didn't see much improvement. I'm keen to not cut out dairy to check for CMPA with DD if there's another way - milky coffees and chocolates and dairy snacks are what's keeping me sane right now.

@Dillybear zero judgment from me re sleepyhead. I considered getting one but they're so expensive, and I know people whose babies didn't take to it, so could be a waste. People all said Ewan the sheep was a sleep magic pill, and I still remember my bitter disappointment when he did FA for my older one! DD and I bed-share. She has recently become ok with being put down next to me at night - she is incredibly loud, and sniffles and groans and whimpers, but at least I'm not holding her! She does not accept this during the day though.