Bringing newborn into bed with me

[YouCanTell]

Just as the title suggests, I am bringing my 4week old DD into bed with me a night. She sleeps chest down on my chest. Yes I know it’s dangerous but I am shattered with bfeeding on the hour every hour and this is the only way she doesn’t wake so often for feeding or to be picked up.
I’m hearing/reading conflicting advice. Some say that doing this will make DD get used to “body warmth” as a way of sleeping and will demand it from here on in. Others say that newborns need that comfort and it doesn’t matter to let them sleep with/on body warmth.

Can anyone share your experiences or tips on what to do?
Do I let her cry it out - although I really can’t see myself doing that

Any help is appreciated. Many thanks

Don’t let her cry it out, planned cosleeping following guidelines is not high risk.
Cosleeping cots don’t help much as the baby can tell the difference (at least mine could).
My eldest was a quick feeder but we got a huge improvement at 7 w by making her do ten minutes on each side. Playing with her ears, keeping her awake, there are many techniques. She went from sleeping 1–2 hours to sleeping 7.

With 1st Daughter, I followed all the guidelines and spent hours trying to settle her to sleep on her back in a Moses basket every single night, but really she just wanted to be on me. There were a lot of sleepless nights.

With 2nd, the only way she would sleep was on my chest for the first few weeks. It was so lovely having her on me and I felt it really helped me bond. She soon stopped as she grew bigger and it got more uncomfortable for her. She then started sleeping next to me in the bed. She's 4 months old now and sleeps in the next to me crib.

It's a completely personal decision. Go with what you feel is right.

@YouCanTell you must follow the guidelines for co sleeping so don't fall asleep with her on your chest when you are in bed. Take away pillows and push duvet down lower than your waist and lay baby next to you in bed. A co sleeper crib is good but we have had one for both DDs and they still sometimes wanted to be right in our bed with us!

www.lullabytrust.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/Safer-sleep-for-babies-a-guide-for-parents-web.pdf

Saved my sanity, co slept and bf throughout the night till 10 months, minimal issues and until shitty lockdown from that age generally slept 7-7.

@Pipandmum

It is dangerous. My babies always slept in their own rooms from the beginning (there was no recommendation then to have them sleep in your room). You start a routine and stick with it. I never let my babies cry for more than a minute or two (sometimes they cry out and resettle). It took a few weeks (three months in my daughters case), but they then settled well by themselves. So do a going to bed routine (mine was bath, story, feed and down while still awake, then leave the room), then repeat repeat repeat. If they woke up or cried I would go back in, talk softly, stroke their tummy DO NOT PICK UP, and once settled left the room. You might have to do that a few times. But the reward is after a few weeks a baby that can settle themself, you get an evening with your partner. I would then go in and give a sleepy feed before I went to bed, and another should they wake up around 3am. I can count on one hand the disturbed nights I had after that. Consistency is key. Do not think 'oh this one time in with me will be ok'. Be strict with yourself.

Did what you are doing OP. Didn’t do a single word of the quoted post.

Now have a very happy, settled and adaptable 10 year old.

Find your own way. You don’t have to have a military mindset to parent. Going with the flow works too.

I also had a bit of a velcro baby and was exclusively breastfeeding, but didn’t want to co sleep. How we managed was I would keep her on me for a good couple of hours in the evening, getting as much milk into her as she wanted, then I would go to bed about 9pm and my partner would stay awake watching TV or playing video games with her sleeping on his chest, and she would often go til 1am like that, so I got a good chunk of solid sleep. When my partner got tired he would put her down and then she would wake, and I’d take over (he could then get 6 hours of sleep undisturbed). I used to then feed her to sleep while watching telly and wait until she went floppy, then lay her down in the Moses basket and get maybe an hour’s sleep before she’d wake again, and repeat. Once she got to six weeks or so I found I could put her down sleepy but awake rather than wait for her to go floppy, which increased the amount of time to sleep that I got!

This method only works if both of you are sure you won’t nod off while she is sleeping on you on the sofa, as that is not at all safe - but we were very strict that if we felt ourselves yawning etc we got up and walked round with her, or put her in the basket even if it might mean her waking up. But I found that solid chunk of deep sleep without her in the room absolutely essential.