Hi, my ex partner is disabled and would struggle looking after our kids on his own as he is not independent would it be okay if he visited or stayed the odd night? Would this affect my benefits

[Debranow]

Hi, my ex partner is disabled and would struggle looking after our kids on his own as he is not independent would it be okay if he visited or stayed the odd night? Would this affect my benefits

@Bonkerz

To the OP. If he has no belongings at your home and it's purely to see the kids then it will be fine I'm sure.

That's not how it works. Not even close. It's really dodgy ground. Not a risk I would be taking if it could cost me my income.

It is really vague and the 3 night rule is a fallacy, basically if they want to they can make your life very difficult.

Which is shit because what you want to do is a really lovely thing and in the best interests of your children.

www.gov.uk/hmrc-internal-manuals/claimant-compliance-manual/ccm15150

www.gov.uk/hmrc-internal-manuals/claimant-compliance-manual/ccm15040

HMRC guidance is the same as DWP.

If they are your joint children why aren't you living together? He would still get disability benefits surely?

@Cutesbabasmummy

If they are your joint children why aren't you living together? He would still get disability benefits surely?

Because generally people don't live with their ex partners

@blacktop

I understand that, I just can't understand why he needs to stay over.

Well if he stayed he could have 2 days with his kids instead of 1.

Well if he stayed he could have 2 days with his kids instead of 1.

And if they hadn't split up he could have 7. Or if he lived close by he could have 4. Or, what if, what if, what if!

No, let's just stick to the facts. OP has concerns about benefits if her ex stays over. He does not need to stay over. Problem solved.

@blacktop sorry I missed the ex!!!

Blacktop show if he doesn't stay over it wouldn't affect a thing 🤔

*so

@Debranow

Blacktop show if he doesn't stay over it wouldn't affect a thing 🤔

What's the 🤔 emoji about?

I can't even understand what you are asking tbh.

Yes your benefits could be at risk if he stays over. No they won't be if he doesn't.

Blacktop I’m not sure if you are being deliberately a bit obtuse asking why he needs to stay over. OP says it’s a long journey - let’s say it’s 4 hours. So he’s supposed to travel 4 hours, see his kids for a few hours then travel 4 hours home again? I wouldn’t want to do that in a day and it’s quite possible his disability would make it impossible. An overnight stay would allow him to spend 2 days rather than 1 and not have to travel 8 hours in a day. I don’t think that’s hard to understand.

That said, I have no idea how it would affect benefits, and blacktop seems to know more about that than I do so it’s worth taking their advice. Can you phone someone for advice - CAB? OP could you take them to his some weekends, or could he stay in a hotel/air b n b/with a friend locally?

Blacktop I’m not sure if you are being deliberately a bit obtuse asking why he needs to stay over.

Not at all. It's unnecessary. OP is concerned about benefits if he stays over so the logical solution is not to take the risk. It may be easier but the reality is if OP can avoid risking her income that would be the sensible thing to do. He doesn't need to stay over. I understand there are circumstances for which we have no idea, in particular how far away, what kind of disability, who moved away, what do they normally do, why doesn't OP travel to him, could he stay in a hotel etc etc etc. I worked in the very basic premise that yes, OP could be risking benefits by having someone stay over. It can be avoided so that seems like a sensible course of action.

Nothing obtuse there.

Modgepodge it is the travelling that is the problem. How that would affect benefits is why I'm asking.

I don't know rules on benefits but seriously are people who receive benefits not allowed over night guests at all? Seems extreme.
My mum visits me every few weeks (3 hour public transport journey). Once when there were some issues with the return trains and it looked like she would be majorly delayed she simply stayed the night and went home next day.
My sister has also stayed a few times overnight - sometimes a long weekend because she has come to celebrate a birthday or it's Christmas. Are these things really not allowed?
If this was the OPs brother rather than her ex wouldn't he be able to stay?
Seems very strange.
(Sorry OP I know that doesn't answer your question)

It's not strange. It's because so many people have claimed to be single when they are actually a partnership. Some of them living together full time, some part time. It used to be commonplace that a single parent would claim housing benefit etc yet have a partner hence the tightening up of things in more recent years. This isn't about your mum or sister, or even a brother staying over the odd night, it's about someone who is potentially part of the household when the claim is for a single person. The rules are not set in stone so this scenario could be ok, but because the rules are not set in stone, OP doesn't know and it's a huge risk to take.

I would assume that having a lease or mortgage to another property, being registered to vote at that address, all bills etc go to that address, registered at that address for medical treatment etc would prove he doesn't 'live' with the OP.

@bookmum08

I would assume that having a lease or mortgage to another property, being registered to vote at that address, all bills etc go to that address, registered at that address for medical treatment etc would prove he doesn't 'live' with the OP.

Your assumption would be incorrect.

Blacktop is right, that's why I have decided to come here and ask your thoughts and opinions on the matter as there is no rules set in stone

blacktop that's why said I didn't know.
It seems a cruel rule. From time to time people simply just need family members to stay over night to help and support each other out.

It wouldn't be benefit fraud and wouldn't affect your benefits. You're allowed to have people stay over as long as you aren't partners living together (which you aren't) and he isn't contributing (which he wouldn't be as he has his own home).

You could let them know that he'll be staying once a week or whatever if you're worried but they won't be interested, and even if they did decide to investigate you wouldn't have anything to hide.

It's lovely that you're trying to make things easier for him and the kids and I'm sure they will both appreciate it.