When do you get YOU back?

[Atticus500]

I realise it’s early days (DD coming up for 12 weeks) but when do you start to get back to yourself after a baby? I don’t have time for the toilet, for a meal, for a shower, let alone to shave my legs or wear makeup. I live in the same dresses so I can pop out my boob and the highlight of each day is a trip to the supermarket. When will I get me back and be able to do things for myself more? 4 months? 6 months? I don’t expect to return to pre baby levels of me time but when does stuff feel more settled?

@hotdoggone

Everyone is different. DS has never cried for more than 5 minutes, and never has the crying been through choice, its because I simply can't help him in that situation (driving etc)

Everyone parents differently. Maybe be more open and respectful of that idea?

I'm also in the never missed a day of showering and eating camp. I do think you have to try to make that time for yourself if you possibly can. With DS1 I started off showering before DH went to work and then during baby's first nap. I'd pop him in the pram bassinet just outside the bathroom door and as soon as he was out I put the kettle on and dived in the shower. Wash, dress, bit of make up, 15 mins max. Then I'd usually get my cuppa and toast before he woke up. I also used to grab a drink and snack from the fridge before I sat down to breastfeed (and had snacks next to the sofa to pick at).

To be honest, by 8-12 weeks I was feeling ok. We went out every day for a walk, bf got easier, I relaxed a bit and stopped checking his breathing every 2 minutes He settler for the evening around 7pm so we got at least a couple of hours of adult time each night. I definitely recommend finding a good schedule that works for you and baby. 6 months is another milestone when feeds reduce and you can go out for the afternoon without having to fit in a bf. It was probably 18 months before I really felt fully myself again, back to normal weight, fitness, work (sleep was still a major challenge though).

I now have twins who are 7 months. As pp said, with an older child you just can't hold the baby all day - and especially not two of them! They slept in the cot from day 1. I showered before DH went to work in the early days. Obviously Covid has helped in that he worked from home from when they were 3 months so it was easy to find a slot to shower and dress while he minded them. I'm just beginning to feel more myself again.

Please do make time for yourself OP and make sure your partner is on board. DH made me breakfast and a thermos of tea before he left for work every day, it really helped.

As soon as you go back to work.

I started feeling a little more like myself once the feeds spaced out a bit and I got some time with DH in the evenings, so around 6-7 months. Going back to work at 11 months was also a big turning point as I had another purpose again besides being just ‘Mum’.

I always managed to shower and eat though, and I say that as someone who has had two very difficult colicky babies. With DD I used to let her kick about on her changing mat on the bathroom floor while I showered, and with DS we’ve had more success with the bouncy chair. I’m sure you can find something to work for your baby to enable you to grab a shower/use the toilet/wolf down a slice of toast etc. If they grizzle for a few minutes then it’s really not the end of the world.

When she started going to bed at 6.30pm at five weeks I emerged from the newborn fog. Around that time she was more comfy in a bouncy chair too, so showers etc became easier.

The turning point was when she started walking confidently at 12 months. She could potter around happily fiddling with stuff and I could get on with stuff without tears.

Now she’s 20 months she’s a delight, and I feel like myself again with the addition of a really funny sidekick!

I also found that for me it was stopping breastfeeding. I was incredibly hormonal and blue for about two weeks while I stopped and then suddenly, one day, that passed and I felt like me again. I'd been back at work for a little while then and had had evenings out, etc which all helped but for me it was really very hormonal and physical that feeling of not being me.

This isn't supposed to be somehow anti-breastfeeding - I still wish I'd fed a few months longer to make it to a year, and I'm hoping to with DC2 (currently pregnant). But I found that so much of the timeline that people give new mothers for how long it'll take for certain things to happen - for your body to go back, for sex to feel good, for your head to clear a bit - seem to be based on the assumption you won't breastfeed, or I was very unusual, as for me they were all measured from the end of breastfeeding, not birth.

I'm a single parents and EBF on demand every hour-2 hours for the first 3 months. You can have a shower and go to the toilet! The baby bouncer was my best friend. My DS day it in every time I had a shower, cooked dinner, went to the toilet. I refused to sacrifice my long showers! If I needed a bit of space I just put the bouncer in the doorway and played the music while I turned and faced the wall, however I often sang nursery rhymes to him while I washing my hair.
I started feeling much more like my usual self when I returned to work but my DS is nearly 2 and I don't feel anywhere near like I did before having him. I've changed.