How much maternity leave should I take?

[TruffleMama]

all

First time mum-to-be here. My daughter is due early Jan 2021.

I know everyone's circumstances are different and therefore some mum's will have more/less opportunity when it comes to maternity leave... but I really would like some opinions on the amount of maternity leave I should take.

My employer offers 18 and a half weeks (4 and a half months) maternity leave on full pay. I know I am very lucky as not all new mum's get this opportunity.

I was talking to a friend yesterday who said that the 4 and half months will fly by and I will only just be getting into the swing of motherhood. She recommended 9 months maternity leave, or 6 months at least.

If I didn't go back to work after the 4 and a half months maternity leave. My income would drop to statutory maternity pay (£151 per week). I have some savings that I could use to supplement the statutory maternity pay for a little while, but the savings were originally intended to go towards buying a new house for our growing family (our one bed flat will not be big enough for me, my partner and our baby).

I'm not sure what to do. I know time is something you never get back and I don't want to miss out on spending enough time with my baby, especially when she is so young.
Should I take the 4 and a half months statutory maternity leave and then return to work (I will be going back part-time)?
Or should I take longer and use some savings to supplement my income? If yes, how long should I take?

Thanks in advance!

TruffleMama xx

I was breastfeeding exclusively so would have found it difficult to return to work at 4.5 months. He was also a poor sleeper. For me, I felt like I could go back to my (demanding) job when he was 9 months old. He was eating solids well enough then and happy to drink formula milk from a sippy cup (he refused bottles as a newborn). I went back to work when he was 10 months old. I am sure you could make it work if you returned earlier but do not underestimate the sleep deprivation. I would say aiming to return at 6 months, having saved up some money to cover the time you will be on SMP and possibly using some accrued holiday as well, would make a big difference.

I’d definitely recommend taking longer than 4 and half months if you can. You have 6 months before the baby is born so you could start saving more now, and once the baby arrives it’s easy to spend little money - commuting expenses are gone and meals out etc become less frequent. At 4 months babies are only just ‘waking up’ and becoming interesting, I think you’d hate going back at that stage. Do you have a partner who will be contributing too?

Millions of women do go back quickly, especially in other countries, so it will be fine if you have to. Also, you dont need to decide right now - you only have to give a few weeks notice of when you want to return so you can always change your mind later.

It's very personal and depends on how you find being home with a baby. Do you have to decide now? Maybe have 6 months in mind as a compromise position, I agree with the earlier poster about the sleep deprivation though.

I think they only start doing things like eating, crawling, clapping etc around after the 6 month mark so you’d feel awful missing that. I think 6 months minimum, preferably 9. Also some babies don’t sleep through from as early as mine and therefore you’ll want sleep routines to be somewhat settled before returning to work. 4.5 months isn’t enough really. Also presumably you’ll have childcare costs to factor in if you go back.

Ive taken 6 months mat leave and I think even that is far too short. My son is 19 weeks now (4 and a bit months) and I feel like im only starting to 'get it' now. Id really recommend taking 6 months at least.

I would take 9-12 months, are you a single parent?

Sorry missed the bit you had a partner, it’s family income then so I don’t see the issue?

4 months used to be standard and still is in many countries but I would have hated to go back so early.

I took almost a year with each baby but probably would have been comfortable heading back around 9 months if necessary. 4 months is still tiny and they probably won’t be sleeping well or in a proper routine at that stage - plus they get a lot more entertaining around 6 months!

When you’re doing your sums bear in mind that childcare can be pretty expensive for under 2s. You save that money whilst you’re at home as well as getting your smp. You also accrue holiday and bank holidays and many parents tag those onto their leave to stretch it out a little longer.

Also if you’re both employed then your partner is entitled to shared parental leave. Could he take a couple of months off when you go back so baby is at home a little longer?

DS only cracked sleeping after 6 months - 14 months now and mainly sleeps well but when he's not it's very hard to work at my usual intensity after a nights teething or whatever so I think it would be tough to do it all the time.

Could you use annual leave to add on to maternity leave?

I'd aim for 9 months and get saving between now and January.

Do you and your partner have joint or separate finances? If you're having a child together you should be thinking as a team in terms of supporting each other financially. If the two of you agree that it's in everyone's best interests for you to take longer than 4.5 months maternity leave, the two of you can look at how best to use your combined income and savings to make that happen. It's his child too.

Due my first in November, planning to take a full year. Possibly 11 months but probably 12. I only get SMP the whole way through, with the last 13 weeks unpaid, but luckily DH earns enough to cover bills in that time. It’s a deeply personal choice based on your circumstances, but I couldn’t take only 4 months or leave a baby that little with someone else all day.

Also agree with others, it’s sounds like you’re just thinking of maternity leave as your cost. It’s not, it’s a family cost. Your DP should be planning the finances with you.

I went back after both DC were six months old. The time does fly by and I did feel like six months was quite short. But financially we couldn't afford/justify longer on SMP and a £1k per month pay cut. I went back part time after my second, which did make it easier.

I did receive a tax refund for while I was on SMP, which helped. Also remember that you will still accrue annual leave and be entitled to bank holidays in lieu whilst on mat leave. If you are full time when you go on mat leave, you will accrue your full time leave entitlement. You can go back after 18 weeks, but use leave to take a month off at full pay. You don't need to tell your employer when you plan to return until 8 weeks before you start back so you don't need to decide now.

Also do start looking into child care costs now before DC arrives. Make sure going part time is financially viable.

I'd say take as long as you can afford to. It all gets so much easier after around 4 months so it would be great if you had more time at home.

My baby is four months old, and it's really only in the last couple of weeks that I've really started to feel like I'm having some sort of normal life again and am somewhat in control of things.

At the moment, after an initial 3-4 hour stretch of sleep, he wakes up every 1-2 hours throughout the night and feeds every time - I'm probably getting about 6 hours sleep in total, in fits and starts. He also feeds for several short bursts in each of his awake times; he's a very snacky baby. It's only in the last few weeks that he's (mostly) got past having an epic screaming meltdown every evening at about 5pm. All of this is absolutely fine by me, because I'm not going back to work anytime soon, but if I were going back on a fortnight I think I'd be feeling under a lot of pressure to 'fix' summer of these things.

I agree with what others have said as well about this being an age when they start to get interesting. He suddenly has extremely strong preferences and is much more communicative in the noises he makes, and even his facial expressions.

I'm having a full year off. For me, I'll actually be worse off when I go back anyway, even with the unpaid time taken into account, because childcare will be so expensive.

Even if you work until 38 weeks you could find you’ve used a month of your paid leave before the baby has even arrived.

Look at joint finances and see what you can afford between you. Then save all the holiday you can and finish as late as possible.

The first four month can be very hard work. It was only really after 6 months, when all the colic and wind and feeding issues and sleep issues had started to settle, and baby started moving and showing his personality that I really enjoyed Mat leave. It would be a shame to miss out on this, unless it’s really not possible. The second half of Mat leave is definitely more fun than the first few months (although that has its charms too - newborn snuggles!)

My baby is currently 4.5 months and I can't imagine leaving him yet.

How much would childcare be if you went back to work? Our nanny is £12.50 an hour but childminders are cheaper.

We work it so DP covers all the bills and expenses so I have the SMP as spending money which works for us.

You might also find it hard to go back to work so soon. Some women are happy to get back to work for a bit of normality or whatever, it’s very personal. However I cried so hard on my first day back at work and I’d been home 13 months (took whole year Mat plus annual leave). So try and have a contingency plan in place in case you find you’re not ready to go back that soon.

And sorry, final thought. If this is a purely financial decision, make sure you work out SMP vs going back to work and having to pay childcare fees. Nursery fees are a huge chunk of our budget!

Sounds like you have time to save up too. If you save from now until your full pay ends, that’s over 9 months. Could you put some wages away to help bulk up the SMP for a few months more after?

The full year, you'll never get that time back, money on the other hand isnt so precious.

I have 4 kids and have had three maternity leave (3/4 are twins).

My first I'd just started out was 25 and had just qualified into my profession that I'd spent 7 years training to achieve.

I took 5 months went back full time and was pregnant again within 18 months - I missed my baby and regretted the time we didn't have together. Financially it would have been a nightmare but we could have tried to make it work on reflection. My second I slowed down took 9 months and still felt like I'd gone back too soon.

8 years later I decided I wanted a baby for me that I could really enjoy and get the bonus of time with the bigger two before they got too old and into teenage mode and where I wasn't worrying about work and getting on the ladder (I'm pretty senior now) ended up with twins and had 13 months off as I racked holiday leave on. The twins were v premature and we had 8 weeks in hospital. I would have felt doubly cheated without the extra time and don't regret a moment of it even though we dredged our savings to do it.

If you can make the finances work take as much time as you possibly can - you'll never get it back

I went back full time after 4 months but I do work from home and mil looked after her initially. But after 6 weeks she said she couldn't cope and I had to find a childminder and this was hard but dd has a great time there. I found the first 7 months easy as dd was a very easy baby but after 7 months that's when we got the lack of sleep and it became difficult but doable.. must admit though due to lockdown and having to work with her I have seen her first steps which I loved.. but up to you how you do it do what ever suits you going back part time is easier than full so I wouldn't see an issue with it but that's me

I took 3 months the first time and will be doing similar again this time. I have no regrets and I don’t feel that ‘it’s time I won’t get back’.
I’m not in a position to take longer, so I don’t have much of a choice anyway.
It’s very personal though but I did/do get annoyed at other people’s judgement.

I have big gaps with my children. When dc2 was born I think I only got 15 weeks maternity leave. I was back at work part time before he was 4 months old. By the time dc3 was born maternity leave had increased. He was born in May and I went back to work in the following March. That was fine too but I was really ready to go back and had forgotten quite a lot of my job and needed some refresher training.

What ever you choose, tell work you're taking the whole 52 weeks.

It's easier for everyone to cut short the leave than extend it if you find you're not ready to return after 4 months.

It also gives you a lot more flexibility to change your mind.

Don't forget you earn annual leave while on maternity leave too. You can take all this leave in one go and have a nice full pay lump sum at the end of your leave