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Original poster

How much maternity leave should I take?

75 replies

TruffleMama · 05/08/2020 18:11

all

First time mum-to-be here. My daughter is due early Jan 2021.

I know everyone's circumstances are different and therefore some mum's will have more/less opportunity when it comes to maternity leave... but I really would like some opinions on the amount of maternity leave I should take.

My employer offers 18 and a half weeks (4 and a half months) maternity leave on full pay. I know I am very lucky as not all new mum's get this opportunity.

I was talking to a friend yesterday who said that the 4 and half months will fly by and I will only just be getting into the swing of motherhood. She recommended 9 months maternity leave, or 6 months at least.

If I didn't go back to work after the 4 and a half months maternity leave. My income would drop to statutory maternity pay (£151 per week). I have some savings that I could use to supplement the statutory maternity pay for a little while, but the savings were originally intended to go towards buying a new house for our growing family (our one bed flat will not be big enough for me, my partner and our baby).

I'm not sure what to do. I know time is something you never get back and I don't want to miss out on spending enough time with my baby, especially when she is so young.
Should I take the 4 and a half months statutory maternity leave and then return to work (I will be going back part-time)?
Or should I take longer and use some savings to supplement my income? If yes, how long should I take?

Thanks in advance!

TruffleMama xx

OP posts:

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Lelophants · 05/08/2020 19:44

Yeah that's nothing and there is a horrible sleep regression that often happens between 4-6 months. You're only really getting into the swing of things. If you can afford it I reslly would take as much as you can, as you will never get this time again. Also, forget the niceties of being with a baby, it's SO hard I don't know how I'd cope being back at work that early. They still wake a lot on in the night at that age.

2155User · 05/08/2020 19:47

I'm still on 'mat leave' now, DS is nearly 2

Haven't regretted it for a second

Most of my friends went back sometime between 6-9 months, not through choice just because if finances, and I could see it broke them

I never hear someone say "I wish I had gone back sooner" but I often hear "I went back too soon"

Obviously every parent and family is different, but IMO taking as much time off as possible is best

SleepingStandingUp · 05/08/2020 19:48

Are you single op? Do you qualify for an UC once you drop to statutory pay?
If you're not single, then it isn't about you using your savings to support yourself, it's about what you can afford as s couple. Just like when you have to pay out for childcare, it's a cost that's between you

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Antenatal & postnatal Employment advice Families General money

FightMilkTM · 05/08/2020 19:50

I originally planned 9 months off but was offered to return at 6 months to a position which was 3 days a week at my previous full time salary.
My first reaction upon receiving the email was heaving sobs at the thought of leaving my baby .
I then extended my maternity leave to take my full entitlement + accrued annual leave meaning that I left work at 34 weeks pregnant (medical reasons) and am returning next month when my baby will be just over a year.
I’m still only viewing this return to work as a trial. I really didn’t think I’d struggle to leave my baby, I haven’t actually left her for more than the odd hour in her entire life .

You just never know how you will feel...

Original poster

TruffleMama · 05/08/2020 19:51

Thanks for all your replies, I really appreciate it.

To answer some of the questions.. I won't be a single parent. My partner works full time. He will be taking his two weeks statutory paternity leave and doesn't want us to take shared leave. His reasoning is I will have spent 9 months carrying our baby, so I should take all the maternity leave to recover. I think it's quite sweet.

We currently have separate finances but we equally contribute to all our expenses etc. If I took longer than 4.5 months maternity leave and went on to SMP, he would contribute more towards our expenses as well as me using some of my savings if we needed to.

My partner works shifts - two day shifts, two night shifts and then four days off.
My mother works Mon-Thurs and my partner's mother is retired. So thankfully I don't think we will be needing a child minder when I do go back to work part-time as, between the four of us, I think we will have it covered.

I have accrued 4 weeks of A/L this year which I will tag on to the start of my maternity leave. That gives me an extra month with the baby, taking me to 5.5 months in total.
By April 1st next year, I will have been given my next load of A/L entitlement.. so I could use two weeks of that to take me up to 6 months with the baby.
I think a future 3 months on top of that (on SMP) will be manageable.

I'm so happy I started this thread as you've all made me realise that this really will be possible and I will get to spend those precious extra months with my baby, not stuck at work! Thanks everyone!! xx

OP posts:

FightMilkTM · 05/08/2020 19:55

I THINK you will need to take the accrued leave at the end of ML, or before the baby is born. I think you have to take ML when the baby is actually born (if that makes sense), though I may be wrong.

Lelophants · 05/08/2020 19:55

Brilliant op

HollyBen · 05/08/2020 19:56

I would say talk as long as you can afford. I had 12 months with DD some maternity leave/some accumulated annual leave. I was ready to go back then. She was 10 months. I had 13 months with DS. I would happily have take more he was a poor sleeper compared to DD

Bitchinkitchen · 05/08/2020 19:59

he will be taking his two weeks statutory paternity leave and doesn't want us to take shared leave. His reasoning is I will have spent 9 months carrying our baby, so I should take all the maternity leave to recover. I think it's quite sweet.

That's not sweet, it's a fucking cop-out. Taking care of a baby on your own for a year is not "recovery", it's exhausting and draining and often boring and miserable and thankless. Yeah, there's lots of baby cuddles and joy and love, but it will most likely be the hardest year of your life. It's not "sweet" that he wants you to do it alone, it's a dick move.

Is it possible for you to work from home? I took 3 months Mat Leave, and then we switched to Shared Parental, and my husband stayed at home with the baby while i WFH so i got the best of both worlds and got to keep breastfeeding. Then when DD was 7m we switched back and i took another 3 months.

Taking care of a baby

peachypetite · 05/08/2020 20:00

I think you need to think differently about pooling your finances. It won’t work when you’re on mat leave and not earning, and you shouldn’t have to ask for money, imo you should have access to it and what you need.

AnotherEmma · 05/08/2020 20:00

@2155User

I'm still on 'mat leave' now, DS is nearly 2

Haven't regretted it for a second

Most of my friends went back sometime between 6-9 months, not through choice just because if finances, and I could see it broke them

I never hear someone say "I wish I had gone back sooner" but I often hear "I went back too soon"

Obviously every parent and family is different, but IMO taking as much time off as possible is best

Well just to balance this out, I went back to work when my DS was 8 months old and I was more than ready to do so, much happier after returning to work. I was/am part time (3 days a week) and it has always suited me very well to have a balance of work and time with DS.

It certainly doesn't "break" every mother to go back when her baby is 6-9 months!!

Metallicalover · 05/08/2020 20:02

It's a very personal choice, what is right for some isn't for others! As you said you have a very good maternity package. I don't know anyone with 18 weeks full pay.
I took 13.5 months off. I've only just gone back to work working 2 12 hour shifts. At 4 months I felt as though I was getting into the swing of it. I was lucky as at about 3 months baby started sleeping well on a night, waking at half 5 for a feed, then back to sleep. I know a lot of babies sleep is poor at that age (just depends on the baby). I agree with you it's time you never get back and babies are only little once.

AnotherEmma · 05/08/2020 20:02

"Taking care of a baby on your own for a year is not "recovery", it's exhausting and draining and often boring and miserable and thankless."

Ha, this too!

addictedtotheflats · 05/08/2020 20:04

Personally I think 9 - 12 months. My baby woke hourly from 6-9 months and I couldnt of functioned at work. Annual leave would have to be taken at the end, maternity leave has to start on (or before) the date the baby is born.

Will your payroll take the four months full pay and spread it over a longer period? Therefore giving you longer off but not taking such a drastic pay cut at 4 months?

I work for the NHS and I took my 9 months maternity as equal (ish) payments. They basically add up the OMP and SMP and divide it by the time you want off. Worth an ask.

Nat6999 · 05/08/2020 20:21

As much as you can afford, I was lucky in that I got 6 months full pay & then smp for the balance of 39 weeks. I took 10 months off, a month before ds was born & 9 months afterwards. Ds was born 26 January, I finished at Christmas & returned end of October.

grumpytoddler1 · 05/08/2020 20:24

I did about 5 months. It was a mistake and I ended up going off again!

fibeee · 05/08/2020 20:27

I personally wouldn’t recommend going back at 4 1/2 months. DD is 4 months and I’m dreading returning to work at 6 months.

Look up the 4 month sleep regression. There is a chance that you could see every hour of the night with your LO at this point. I’m so tired I can barely string a sentence together never mind do a day’s work.

KitKatastrophe · 05/08/2020 20:32

I would personally take as long as you can afford. I went back when my daughter was 9 months when I could have taken a year, I wish I had taken the full year. Especially if you will be returning to work full time. You cant get that time back.

My second daughter is 4.5 months old now and I wouldnt feel happy to leave her yet. Also some nurseries wont take babies younger than 6 months.

Boomclaps · 05/08/2020 20:33

@raspberryk

The full year, you'll never get that time back, money on the other hand isnt so precious.

This is bonkers. Lots of families would end up homeless or unable to eat if they applied that logic.

HarrietM87 · 05/08/2020 20:39

What most have said - plan to take as long as you can afford. If you’re hating it and desperate to be back you can always return early, but harder to extend it.

I planned to take 7 months with my first child but ended up extending to a year because he was such a poor sleeper, EBF and wouldn’t take a bottle, and I totally wasn’t ready to leave him. Would have been much easier if I hadn’t made any promises to my employer!

Choppedupapple · 05/08/2020 20:58

Save as much as you can before baby arrived and take as much afford. 9 months minimum. Pay yourself monthly from savings

itisntfriday0000000000l · 05/08/2020 21:04

I had the same mat leave entitlement as you OP, 18 weeks full pay.
DS I took 13 months off, DD I took 6 months off as we simply couldn’t afford the drop on to stat mat 2nd time around.
Took my 18 weeks, I got about £600 a month for stat mat took that for for one month, then took 5 weeks annual leave, plus bank hol accruement on the end and then went back to work. Even with childcare fees- full time, I was still better off at work!

It didn’t feel like long and flew by, but she’s 11 months old now and nursery has done her the world of good. She loves it there so much so no regrets.

TheCraicDealer · 05/08/2020 21:11

I took ten months in the end, only just back at work. I feel like it was the perfect amount of time for me. I worked up to two weeks before my due date- if you have the flexibility to work from home and are physically ok to do so I would try to do that. Means you can bank your annual leave to add onto the end of ML. I had four weeks worth to carry over which basically got me another month at home with her. It can be added on to the end of your ML, so for you it could be enhanced ML, then a few months of SMP, then back on full pay with your AL.

Also I don't know about anyone else, but I spent less money when she was born. So if you're on full pay for a good while you might find you can keep putting money by until you start on statutory maternity pay.

I had fully intended to go back at six months pp, but it felt too soon when it came to it. I didn't realise how tiny she'd still felt to me at that age, and her wee personality was properly coming through. It's a luxury to be able to take that long, I'm so glad I was able to.

Mercedes519 · 05/08/2020 21:12

To confirm a PP, once you have the baby you must be on maternity leave as there is a statutory requirement. Some employers will pay you for the annual leave you haven’t taken if you’re on mat leave so check the policy - essentially you’d get a lump sum which could fund more leave.

I agree with another PP. As a manager I’d prefer people to tell me the maximum length of time and then if they wanted to come back earlier they can.

Make sure you discuss finances with your DP in detail. Don’t just assume he’ll contribute more or look after the baby when he’s not working. You only have to read threads on here to see how many people don’t talk about this before the baby comes and end up having emotional sleep-deprived arguments when the reality sets in.

20viona · 05/08/2020 21:17

I just had 13 months and it wasn't enough 🤣
No way would I do less than a year if the finances worked out. It's all a personal decision.

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