How does anyone get anything done with toddler/FT job

[Everybloodybottleunderthesun]

I get up before 6 on weekdays, at 6 at weekends. I am on the go until about 9pm when I try to collapse into bed, usually more like 10 then tired (seem to need a lot of sleep). Have a never ending to do list and don’t even seem to make a dent in it and no quality time with DH. Lots of things to fix etc which would make the day to day smoother but no time alone to do it. Large house and garden, we have a help with a gardener and cleaner, DS a combination of nursery and a nanny. My job is intense and pressurised so tiring but I can mostly WFH.

I see people acheievubg so much and doing work on their houses etc, I can’t even seem to keep on top of the basics, how the hell Do you all do it?!

We keep on top of it by being ruthlessly organised and efficient. Also by complete team work, both of us carry the load 50/50.

I meal plan and batch cook, so usually Sunday night or Monday night I cook for the whole week.

We have a blackboard with daily chores on so every day we spend 10 minutes doing something - ie hoover downstairs/mop etc.

Shopping done online.

Don't bother with ironing, or cleaning rarely used spare bedrooms. Toddler eats what we do or out of a jar, no time to do anything just for him.

No double handling, ie put plates straight in the dishwasher, put something away at the time instead of putting it on the side/table.

DH and I also manage 5 lots of exercise each a week on average, usually early (6am ish) or after toddler is in bed.

Yes I exercise at 6 a few times a week before starting on the stuff to do, I need to for my mental health.

DH does all the getting ready in the mornings with DS while I run round getting stuff done and getting ready myself before leaving at 7.30.

I also don’t iron or clean unnecessarily...it sounds like we’re not doing anything that different so why can you do it and not me 😩

....my DH is not at all organised and is very untidy....there is one difference I guess

I do things during my lunch (or once did so on the train). Eg I do the online food order then. We (pre COVID) had two orders a week so if we forgot anything we’d get it a few days later, rather than having to mount an expedition. Chuck a load of laundry on each night if needed and use the tumble drier in winter at least. Try to tick off one big thing a week (eg car insurance quote or sort one wardrobe for charity shop etc). And if tired then no problem. I buy us easy but fairly healthy food (so we might have chicken kievs but we’d have rice and steamed veg with them etc).

Similar to PP I'm very efficient. Also, have cleaner, takeaway once a week (save money by never going out). Tidy as we go. Main thing is having firm boundaries at work, I only do what I can do and don't take on more than I can fit in my hours. Is that an option?

What are you actually doing being 6 and 730? We both work FT, but I don't have endless stuff to do!

What are you doing until 9pm? I have almost always worked full time with my kids, couldn't afford a cleaner when they were toddlers, commuted an hour each way, DH works away a lot but I was always sat down after their bedtime around 7pm. Only thing I did in the mornings was get us up and dressed and where we needed to be, admittedly did less (no..) exercise in those days. Not goady, just genuinely trying to figure out what it is you're doing?

I remember being totally exhausted at that stage OP, it is so hard!

What time does your toddler go to bed? Do they nap at weekends? My eldest was a relatively good sleeper so when we just had her, we would get quite a lot done during the evening/nap time.

I barely exercised at all as I just didn't have the time, so it's impressive you're still managing that.

I didn't have a cleaner but did outsource pretty much everything else e.g. sent out ironing, got hello fresh/gousto boxes every single week, most shopping was delivered. All nursery admin/online banking/bill paying etc was done on the commute or in my lunch break. Shared all pick ups and drop offs 50/50 with DH so that one of us could start work early and one could stay late.

If I had a spare evening I'd be in bed by 10pm to catch up on sleep.

Eldest is now 4 and she's so much easier now, she is more independent and I can leave her to watch TV or play on her own for a while (although I've since had another baby so it's not easier for me yet!)

I think maybe you're finding too much to do that doesn't need doing! We are the same work wise but no blackboards are needed for chores and we sit to relax at 7pm when they're in bed. And I don't live in a shit tip so if can't be that

I shower in the bathroom while my toddler has a bath in the evening to save time.
I agree with using lunch break, I ‘book’ a life admin slot for one lunch break a week and plough through online shop, booking holiday, any other random shit. If you’re wfh can you do laundry during the day? Shove it on at breakfast, out at lunch etc?
I have fuck all variety in my meals, were basically on a two week meal rotation which is fine by me but others might hate.
I choose the easy way! So will happily have takeout, have a cleaner, etc.
You need to breakdown what you do into three
You NEED to do it
It NEEDS to be done but not by you - delegate as far as possible. Repeating online shops. Cleaner. Jobs for DH. Automate as far as poss with bills etc.
Then the VITAL list: Things that can FUCK OFF. This is all the crap you do which you just don’t need to!! Making a costume for world book day. Darning DH socks. Baking. Teaching the toddler Spanish. Etc.
Good luck!

I work full time, as does my husband. I am currently WFH but he cannot so is out 7.30am-7.30pm 5 days a week. I have 2 pre-schoolers at Nursery 3 days per week, the other 2 weekdays they are at home, and weekends. I wake up at 7am, got to bed at 11pm. Both mine kids sleep through the night 99%of the time.

My house is clean and tidy. Once the kids are in bed we both chill in the evenings, talking, eating, crafting (due to sheer boredom!) on the sofa until our bedtime. I honestly don't feel stressed at all. Large detached 4 bed house. Large gardens. No cleaner or house help apart from the kids at nursery.

My rule is: a place for everything and everything in its place. I cannot stand crap left out! So it gets put away as soon as it's no longer needed. If you live by this rule there's not much to do at the end of the day.

I chuck the washing on in the morning and take it out at lunchtime. Same with dishwasher, or overnight.

Breakfast - cereal and toast. Cleared away immediately.

Dinners - all freshly cooked but I do that earlier in the day so can reheat in the evenings, or batch cook and use the freezer. Sometimes they have beans on toast if they're too tired and need to go to bed - literally takes 2 minutes. Or a bagel with salmon. They have broccoli with everything (they love it!).

Bath time - once they're out the bath I give it a quick once over so there's no build up.

I recommend looking on various insta accounts for top tips on how to breakdown all your tasks so you just have a good rota system if a few tasks per day.

The kids have structured routines so they know every day, out their dirty plates in the sink, dirty clothes in the laundry bin, toys away when they've finished playing / before bed. Straight to bed after bath time.

Do you think there's anything you could stop doing (either less frequently or stop completely) ?

7 bedroom house massive garden
4 kids age 16months /1. 5yrs /4yrs/6yrs
No help kids in routine breakfast lunch dinner nap times baths n bed at 7pm. ect
....
All washing done put away.
I stop at 7pm.
At moment my kids not at school so just do normal stuff do housework around them.
Wen in school make there lunches either in morning or I do them at 7pm wen they go bed depends on how I feel.
Any school stuff that needs sorting I do wen get home from school or in morning before school..

And once month I go through whole house top to bottom cleaning dusting moving funiture hover under it ect thoroughly cleaned.

Otherwise I just keep it generally tidy each day normal stuff washing up.
Run hover round.
Out some washing on ect..
Make kids help tidy up toys ect and I taught them from young age put own washing in washing basket so it's not scattered all over floor ect makes easier for me and tidyier house.

And I just cook every day.. On a occasion we have take away

By being ruthless about what we do, and when we do it.

DH and I have both been working from home full-time in demanding roles (senior finance and IT) from the middle of March with a now almost 4 year old DS, and almost 3 year old DD (who also has SEN).

We worked out early on that we needed a rota for splitting the day in half, then each dedicating half the day to looking after the children, and the other half to working. We then do additional work hours either early (usually me), or late (usually DH).

I also try and do half an hour exercise daily at 6am, though in reality it usually happens 3 times a week. We have cleaners who come in once a week, and keep the place reasonably clean in between. We're also getting a gardener once we've finished landscaping the garden.

DH batch cooks 2 or 3 different things on the weekends, so that during the week we only have to add rice, pasts or whatever else to our already made stew. We don't eat ready meals, everything is made from fresh.

We also only do washing on weekends, it goes in each persons washing basket, and stays there until I've sorted it all out. We don't have a dishwasher or dryer, so plates etc washed by hand, and clothes hung up on airer. We don't iron anything (!).

I do our weekly supermarket shop early on a Saturday morning, so I'm home by 9am, and don't have to interact with a lot of people as not many about.

I have a lie in until about 10am or sometimes later on a Sunday, as it's the only day of the week that I'm not up by 6am.

I don't feel stressed at all OP, so hopefully some of what I do in my routine may help you.

@notheragain4 @AriettyHomily in the morning it’s straight out of bed, exercise, sort animals out (this sometimes combined), , breakfast, get myself ready, bags in car, out by 7.30. Work work work. Collect DS at 6pm home by 6.20ish, tea (is still hungry if not as tea at nursery is a lighter meal), bath, teeth, milk, bed. Once settled asleep by about 7.30 it’s put dinner on (DH does this while I’m doing bed time if he’s home), sort bathroom, pack nursery bag, tidy up, eat, cup of tea, life admin, water plants, dishwasher on, washing on, shower/bath for me, bed. I don’t know how anyone is done and relaxing by 7! I take my hat off to you

@Everybloodybottleunderthesun ok well the key differences I can see from that that I did differently (if it's any help) 1) I never fed them again in the evening, although tea is a lighter meal that's because their main meal is lunch, they only had milk on coming home 2) I stopped bathing them every night when they started nursery around 9-12 months 3) how much tidying is there to do if you're out all day? Life admin/washing every day?

@Onekidnoclue thanks!!

@notheragain4 if I don’t give him more tea he doesn’t sleep because he’s hungry, so no choice there unless we want to add a screaming baby and sleep deprivation in! He’s sleeps brilliantly as long as his tummy is full 😊. Life admin is for example ordering food/stuff we need, laundry, list for cleaner /gardener, paying bills...this ends up needing to happen pretty much every evening to some degree

@Yr92 so when do you keep on top of your garden?

@Everybloodybottleunderthesun why not just a bowl of porridge? Quick easy and filling? My kids had that every night when weaning to make sure they slept lol.

A lot of that type of admin I'd do on my breaks at work. Still do actually.

Back then we only did laundry on weekends, my DH mostly does laundry now and he prefers to do it throughout the week, but I used to save it for the weekend as I liked my evenings (DH prefers a more relaxed weekend so I guess it friends how you view that)

Can you or your DH work flexibly at all, to reduce your working day a bit? Some WFH or shorter lunch breaks?

I’m always WFH at the moment and do a lot usually anyway, but generally don’t have much in the way of breaks to do stuff. As I said the job is pretty intense. I have flexibility but it’s just dependant on my workload which has been high and is getting higher for the foreseeable future. December might be quieter!! DH is sometimes in and out during the day but it’s actually easier if he isn’t as he is so messy!

OP both mine need feeding after nursery, so a meal around 6pm ish. Beans in toast, pesto pasta both quick, easy and filling. Or sofa bol from a frozen portion. Easy leash. That's basically my 3 weekend meals on rotation!

Life admin - yes I do this in the evening but I will sit on my laptop and watch tv whilst paying bills, working out finances, online shopping etc. I do this several evenings a week but it's not stressful.

I have no idea. I admire the women that do.

Do you really need the big house and big garden if you then get no time to enjoy them? I see some beautiful gardens but I know they are a full time job/ money pit. If yes, do you need to leave lists, will the gardener/cleaner not have a routine/see what needs to be done?

Same for pets (what are the animals?) and plants.

Set up bills to be paid by direct debit/standing order.

What needs to go in the nursery bag, can ir be done once a week or can the nanny do it? I just sent packs of nappies/wipes and they told me when they needed more. All food was provided which was so great.

Cook double portions of meals and reheat the next day = day off cooking + minimal wash up every 2nd day.

Set up a repeat food order with the essentials so it needs minimal modification, don't start from fresh every time.

I think fulltime demanding jobs are that though, we all need the equivalent of 1950s wife to make our lives easier Only half joking...I get very jealous of colleagues who go home to a hot dinner waiting for them, made by a SAH spouse (including SAHDs)

my DH is not at all organised and is very untidy....there is one difference I guess

I was going to say this even before I read the last sentence of your most recent post, I suspect this is the answer as to why you can’t keep on top of things. You’re either having to do things on your own (when your husband is out) or you’re also constantly trying to deal with the mess and disorganisation created by your husband as well as do the things you’ve otherwise got to do. At least part of the solution to keep on top of the basics lies in getting your husband to be more organised and less messy. I‘m not sure how you do that though.