Mums of 2 under 2: when does it get easier?

[reluctantlondoner]

Just that. When and how? I am really struggling...

Ok, well mine are 21 months and 3.5 years now. Things are definitely better than they were a year ago. I'm still dreaming of next year when we can go for family days out without worrying about a nap for dd2!

Once everyone starts to sleep through the night in my experience

Once they can play together and entertain one another

Don’t underestimate the value of having routines and processes in place to run your day . My routine involved getting them out every morning even just play ground or to splash in puddles . I also spent my child benefit on a cleaner so more time with the children for me . I know that’s not possible for all .

Mine are 4 and nearly 3, I can take them to some places on my own which I wouldn’t have dreamed of doing a year ago. However some things were much easier when I could stick them in the double buggy. Life in general has got progressively easier over the last 6 months

Mine are 2 and 6 months. Following :)

It gets much much better I promise - mine are 7 and 5 now (21 month gap) and it's (mostly) great.

When they can engage each other - or at least be doing the same thing at the same time...

When they are both out of nappies...

When they can sleep in a bed and you don't have to cart the entire house every time you see relatives...

There is a period in the middle where the younger one understands what the older one is doing and feels the world is a horrible place that they can't do it do - seperate classes at an activity, soft play was a no-go for a while, there was a memorable centre parcs trip when DS2 was just too young for everything his brother wanted to do.

Hang in there

Thanks for the replies.

@pinkandstripey I have the same age gap as you and the youngest is only a few weeks old. It is absolutely brutal. I feel like I can't cope! At all!

@reluctantlondoner

Thanks for the replies.

@pinkandstripey I have the same age gap as you and the youngest is only a few weeks old. It is absolutely brutal. I feel like I can't cope! At all!

You can - and you will 💕 The first year or so is really really (really!) hard. I realised after I posted, that my situation will seem like a light year away from where you are now, but it DOES get better, I promise.

Buy a proper sling so dc2 can sleep while you chase dc1 around. Put dc1 into nursery if you possibly can - even 1/2 a day a week will make a massive difference to your sanity.

I found one playgroup that worked for us, was on for 2 hours, so if i was 90 mins late it didn't matter - still got a cup of tea 👍 DS2 usually slept in his car seat, so parked him in a corner and chased around after ds1 for however long we were there.

Find the thing/people that work for you, and let go of the inevitable guilt of not doing all the cute baby stuff that you did with DC1. You'll get the 121 time with DC2, when they are bigger (and more interesting ;)) when DC1 is at school.

Twenty months later and I am still waiting. My boys do play together now- there's 18 months between them and now they're older, (20 months and 3 and a bit) they have the same interests so are starting to interact which is making it easier. They're still both terrible sleepers though and it is killing me a little each day.

There is 17 months between my two - I remember (sort of, through the haze of sleep deprivation!) how hard it was - you have my sympathy, it was rough! BUT they are now 7 and 8 years old and although they have their sibling fights, they are really good friends. In fact I imagine our lockdown experience has been made a whole lot easier by the fact that they will go and play together. I remember it getting a lot easier once they were both reliably sleeping through the night, but it was a long slog to get there.

I also vouch for a sling - DD practically spent her first year in there while I chased after DS as a toddler. It was a life saver. I also relented and co-slept with DD to get more sleep. I find sleep makes all the difference!

Keep going - I promise you it gets easier.

Mine are 10mo and 2, I'm start ing to get broody for a third....

I'm thinking once they both walk was they can both get enjoyment out of e.g. the park.

I have gaps of 18 months then 3 years. So I had 3 under 5 at one point (sucker for punishment!). TBH I think it got easier as soon as DD2 was born but she was an incredibly easy baby and DD1 was a delightful toddler. DS (DC3) was another kettle of fish though! Agree with the PPs that once you regularly get a full nights sleep and they are out of nappies life gets a lot easier. My youngest is 7 now and life is good.

Mine are 2.5 and 4 now with 18 months between them. I found the stage from the youngest crawling to about 24 months the hardest. When my youngest turned 2 and started talking I found that they started playing together and suddenly things got a lot easier. It’s quite full on still but now they are proper little friends and it all seems worthwhile

16 months ... I thought the tiny baby bit was relatively ok. Both napped together, strapped into a double buggy!

There was a period when the older one was 2-3 and wanted to go on bigger playground equipment or in the older kids soft play area and I had to carry the younger one around after him, but she didn't want to be carried around after her brother etc!!

They're 4 & 3 now and have been amazing playmates throughout lockdown.

It all gets easier.

Mine are 4 & 5, they play together constantly and we have a lovely time.

I don’t think there was an exact moment when it got easier. It just gets gradually easier as you go along.

21m go. I found the tiny baby bit fine, but once the youngest started to crawl it got really hard. They are 15m and 3 now and it swings between far harder then it was 3 months ago and far easier - moments of hellish chaos and moments of loveliness

I'm anticipating it'll be easier in about a year, so 2.5/4.

Mine are 4 and 5 now, similar age gap to you. They're the same sex and play well now 95% of the time bar squabbling over toys etc.

We have added a baby to the mix now but with a larger gap which was definitely easier than the 2 under 2.

I think your older child is a big determining factor. Some older siblings get jealous of a newborn, others don't. But sometimes (quite often), the jealousy only really kicks in when the youngest becomes mobile, and that times badly with late toddlerhood/threenager attitudes and that is hard. But if the jealousy is all at the begining maybe that is bypassed. Though they do rub in opposite directions ;-)

I had 2 under 2, they're now 6 (nearly 7) and 8 and it's much easier, I barely remember the early days now. Now it's all about stopping the squabbling 🙄 I'm my experience it really does get easier and all the sleepless nights and nappies are done more or less in one go.

I found that as one thing got easier, something else got harder. So now that they’re not so labour intensive, they’re fighting all the time.

One thing I really wish I’d been firm on from the beginning was bedtime routine. I was so focused on asserting that my husband did his fair share that he messed everything up by being lazy and bringing them in bed with us. We got into the most god awful night time habits as every other night they knew they could get their own way. My youngest is nearly 4 now and it’s only recently that they’ve started sleeping through the night

20 months between my little 2. The first bit was fine as baby just got shoved in the sling pretty much the whole day; once she started to want to see the world, which unfortunately was very early (she rolled at 3 months and was on her feet cruising at 6/7 months!) it got harder. Started to get easier again after the first year, then again after little one was about 18mo. I swear I nearly had a breakdown when she was about 6 months old and my 2yo was being a little shit pretty much every minute of every day (turned out he had some health stuff going on, so not really his fault, but fuck me it was hard work). They’re now 4 and going on 2.5 and it’s a billion times easier - and those early days are a distant memory!
I also had an older one, who was 5 when little one was born, so we had to be up and sorted and out every day for school run, which, while it was bloody hard work, was also a blessing - meant we could go to playgroup every morning which was a lifesaver.
I really REALLY feel for you OP; i really didn’t enjoy a lot of those first months! DH got the snip but it’s pretty good fun now and I can see a time on the horizon that the enjoyment will outweigh the hard work. Get a good sling, a good double buggy, and a good group of mates who get it. And moan on here!

15 months between mine. When they are both out of nappies and walking well. It's easier. And keeps getting easier. Promise!

Following with interest - about to join with 2 under 2 and wondering how we will cope !!!

I’ve got a 15 month gap and I have to say it’s been way easier than everyone told me it would be. I think tho I’ve just got a bit lucky ... I can see it might get a bit harder with two toddlers but the baby stage has been ok

23 months between mine, they’re 3 & 1 now and it IS easier than when DC2 was new born. 2 totally changes the goal posts doesn’t it?

I think when my youngest turns 2 & my eldest is 4 things will be even easier. When you can communicate with them & they can do their own thing a bit?

Basically, I think it gets easier with every month that passes!

Hang on in there!

Mine are 18m apart and now 3 & 4. I'd say it got easier when they could both run about together and also when they both slept through. Sleep makes the world of difference.

As they've got older they've become more "equal" as in they can play with each other and make each other laugh and it's really lovely to see.

The first year is definitely a bit of a blur and my eldest watched an obscene amount of her duggee but you will get through it and the small age gap definitely pays off. I honestly feel quite relieved to have all the baby days over and done with now!