Meeting my daughters dad (my ex) half way every time he wants to see his daughter

[ash4284]

My daughters dad wants me to meet him half way of the journey every weekend. Bare in mind it cost me £5 on the bus each day so that's £10 a week if I drop her off Saturday morning and pick her back up Sunday evening like he wants also he doesn't give me any money for her as he "has none" so that £10 is coming out of my own pocket when I am struggling as it is. Basically all I'm getting now is I'm stopping him from seeing his daughter and "he's been advised not to have his daughter until I meet in the middle". Meet in the middle when he has his daughter one night a week? Sorry but I need other single mums advise even mums still with their children's fathers because I feel like am going insane I'm not being nasty when I say I'm not meeting him I just don't think it's fair?

Have either of you moved away since you broke up?

Agree with asking you if either of you has moved?But unless it is court mandated he can’t insist

Have you been through csa for money?

@SunbathingDragon

Have either of you moved away since you broke up?

No I live in my house and he lives in his own house which is 8.2 miles apart. He can drive but doesn't have a car at the moment but his girlfriend drives. It takes me 2 buses to get there ive done it for months but I'm not doing it anymore especially now he only wants to see his daughter one night a week and doesn't help me out financially.

@Lucked

Agree with asking you if either of you has moved?But unless it is court mandated he can’t insist

Have you been through csa for money?

No I'm going to ring up tomorrow, i just didn't want to go through all that but it's getting absolutely ridiculous now. I couldn't wouldn't mind meeting in the middle but he doesn't meet me in the middle of help out so why should it always be me? It's so hard I'm just fed up

OP get the finances sorted out.

I do do the 'meet in the middle' but that is only because my ex is a good kind, father and generous with financial support to me and it is an easy hour on the motorway, whereas you have four bus journeys as a round trip at a huge cost.

It is your ex's responsibility to make arrangements to see his daughter, not your problem.

How about suggesting you do one whole journey each. So you either drop her or collect her.

@RoseMartha

How about suggesting you do one whole journey each. So you either drop her or collect her.

We have tried this before and he changes it honestly we've tried everything it's ridiculous

@SuperficialSuzie

OP get the finances sorted out.

I do do the 'meet in the middle' but that is only because my ex is a good kind, father and generous with financial support to me and it is an easy hour on the motorway, whereas you have four bus journeys as a round trip at a huge cost.

It is your ex's responsibility to make arrangements to see his daughter, not your problem.

You know what I honestly would meet in the middle if he helped me out and did everything he was suppose to then course I wouldn't mind. But it's costing me £10 a week for my daughter to go see her dad Cos he doesn't want to come pick her up and drop her off. He also drives! But doesn't have a car at the moment as all his money goes on ale and meals out! Honestly if I wrote everything it's an absolute joke, I think I need to go the courts but I just didn't want to thought we could of solved it a lot easier but been trying now for over a year!

Does he have her every weekend?

I think you are absolutely right to feel how you do, he sounds like he's a taker, and it's wrong he pays no maintenance so definitely go through csa.

Now this is coming from one single mother to another... and my ex is an absolute joke, he doesn't even meet me in the middle to get his kids, I take them and pick them up 11 miles away. I don't think it's fair I do this, however I do it for my kids, not him. I do think it's important for them to have a relationship with their dad and I try to encourage it. So my advice would be to keep doing this, for your daughters sake, not for his. but definitely get maintenance payments, also go to court if you really are not happy with the arrangement, you can get things set in stone.

I totally understand if you don't want to carry on meeting In the middle though, but just wanted to share my view.

He can come and do the journeys every other weekend for 2 nights, then he only has the cost twice monthly, which works out the same for him as current set up which does not work for you. Assert yourself and stick to your boundaries. He won't like it when you assert your boundaries but it's tt

He can't get himself 8 miles to see his daughter? Without a woman to facilitate this? Tell him the buses run both ways and the bus fare is the price of a couple of pints. What a loser!

and my ex is an absolute joke, he doesn't even meet me in the middle to get his kids, I take them and pick them up 11 miles away. I don't think it's fair I do this, however I do it for my kids, not him. I do think it's important for them to have a relationship with their dad and I try to encourage it.

I do understand that feeling of wanting them to have a relationship. But it's a relationship with someone who doesn't care about them. I just don't see how that's healthy. Facilitating his complete lack of love.

If he wants to see his daughter he needs to sort out getting to her! What an absolute spoon! Not your problem, certainly shouldn't ever be leaving you out of pocket!

@complicated101

I think you are absolutely right to feel how you do, he sounds like he's a taker, and it's wrong he pays no maintenance so definitely go through csa.

Now this is coming from one single mother to another... and my ex is an absolute joke, he doesn't even meet me in the middle to get his kids, I take them and pick them up 11 miles away. I don't think it's fair I do this, however I do it for my kids, not him. I do think it's important for them to have a relationship with their dad and I try to encourage it. So my advice would be to keep doing this, for your daughters sake, not for his. but definitely get maintenance payments, also go to court if you really are not happy with the arrangement, you can get things set in stone.

I totally understand if you don't want to carry on meeting In the middle though, but just wanted to share my view.

It's absolutely ridiculous! They think just Cos we are mothers we are supposed to do all the running round, pay for everything. I've had enough! He's had a lot of money this year now I know that's nothing to do with me but he hasn't even thought oh you know what I will get a little run around for a car so it's easier to pick my daughter up an see her more, he's blew it on new clothes for himself nice new trainers, nice nights out (3/4 times a week!) I know all this as I am so close to his step mum and she tells me a lot! So while I am struggling to pay my rent by myself, put food in the fridge all my bills while he's living a lovely care free life!!! IM NOT DOING IT honestly I'm putting my foot down, I've tried for nearly a year an half to make it easier an it just doesn't. There is always something. But your also an amazing mum and he is so lucky to have a mother to his children like you Complicated101. They just don't appreciate it half the time do they!

@ineedaholidaynow

Does he have her every weekend?

So/so he didn't last weekend sometimes he will have her 2 days sometimes 1 if he does have her.

@katy1213

He can't get himself 8 miles to see his daughter? Without a woman to facilitate this? Tell him the buses run both ways and the bus fare is the price of a couple of pints. What a loser!

Exactly! This is my frustration. His money isn't good enough to go to his daughter but good enough to spend on ale and stuff!!

@MrsTerryPratchett

and my ex is an absolute joke, he doesn't even meet me in the middle to get his kids, I take them and pick them up 11 miles away. I don't think it's fair I do this, however I do it for my kids, not him. I do think it's important for them to have a relationship with their dad and I try to encourage it.

I do understand that feeling of wanting them to have a relationship. But it's a relationship with someone who doesn't care about them. I just don't see how that's healthy. Facilitating his complete lack of love.

I know what you're saying, I'm just realising this now sadly. As much as you try to make it work it just won't with someone who doesn't care will it

@yesterdaystotalsteps123

He can come and do the journeys every other weekend for 2 nights, then he only has the cost twice monthly, which works out the same for him as current set up which does not work for you. Assert yourself and stick to your boundaries. He won't like it when you assert your boundaries but it's tt

I know I am planning to this time around! Thank you 🥰

No, you don't have to meet him halfway. It's his contact, he moved and it's up to him to bring her and return her for his contact.

If you can't afford it, don't do it - if you had reasonable relationship & decent child maintenance then you might have considered it but you don't.

He can't force you to do anything

He is being ridiculous.

Why haven't you been in touch with CMS and opened a claim? If he isn't working it isn't much but tbh it's about the principle.

Offer him EOW and no you won't be meeting him anywhere.

If he isn't running a car he can afford a cab or bus.

Do not impoverish yourself to facilitate contact with someone that cannot be bothered to parent.

Honestly go through Csa, my dds dad only had her twice a month over night and paid 160. Now it’s 4 times over night and 185. They send them a letter telling them amount ect. Don’t be afraid of it, I so wish I’d done it sooner!

It would of been 216 but he messaged begging to have her over night every week so it was less Lololol. Honestly Csa is the way to go.

@Breastfeedingworries

Honestly go through Csa, my dds dad only had her twice a month over night and paid 160. Now it’s 4 times over night and 185. They send them a letter telling them amount ect. Don’t be afraid of it, I so wish I’d done it sooner!

I know you know what I wish I did this sooner! I'm phoning csa tomorrow and sorting something Cos it can't go on anymore! Even if it's £50 a month it's still something isn't it atleast

@RandomMess

He is being ridiculous.

Why haven't you been in touch with CMS and opened a claim? If he isn't working it isn't much but tbh it's about the principle.

Offer him EOW and no you won't be meeting him anywhere.

If he isn't running a car he can afford a cab or bus.

Do not impoverish yourself to facilitate contact with someone that cannot be bothered to parent.

Exactly, even if he isn't working it still works out he should give me £7 a week I know that's only £7 to some people but it can be 2 nights worth of food! I should of made a claim soon tbh I just thought it would be more hassle but obviously not haha