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Original poster

Meeting my daughters dad (my ex) half way every time he wants to see his daughter

50 replies

ash4284 · 26/07/2020 14:17

My daughters dad wants me to meet him half way of the journey every weekend. Bare in mind it cost me £5 on the bus each day so that's £10 a week if I drop her off Saturday morning and pick her back up Sunday evening like he wants also he doesn't give me any money for her as he "has none" so that £10 is coming out of my own pocket when I am struggling as it is. Basically all I'm getting now is I'm stopping him from seeing his daughter and "he's been advised not to have his daughter until I meet in the middle". Meet in the middle when he has his daughter one night a week? Sorry but I need other single mums advise even mums still with their children's fathers because I feel like am going insane I'm not being nasty when I say I'm not meeting him I just don't think it's fair?

OP posts:
Original poster
ash4284 · 26/07/2020 16:13

@Sparticuscaticus

No, you don't have to meet him halfway. It's his contact, he moved and it's up to him to bring her and return her for his contact.

If you can't afford it, don't do it - if you had reasonable relationship & decent child maintenance then you might have considered it but you don't.

He can't force you to do anything

That's what I have been saying if you helped me out then of course I'd meet in the middle!! But it works both ways doesn't it! Wants to have our daughter one night a week but wants me to help picking her up and dropping her off loooool
OP posts:
Original poster
ash4284 · 26/07/2020 16:14

@Breastfeedingworries

It would of been 216 but he messaged begging to have her over night every week so it was less Lololol. Honestly Csa is the way to go.
Yes I deffo need to sort something ASAP then!
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Twickerhun · 26/07/2020 16:28

The court told us we have to meet half way even though the other parent moved 150 miles - we have to suck up the costs of the travel

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RandomMess · 26/07/2020 16:58

@Twickerhun that isn't usual/typical usually the parent that moves away (especially if NRP) has to suck up the cost and time of travelling.

KarlKennedyisaterriblehusband · 26/07/2020 17:01

Tell Him to fuck off and go through cms.

Email him with details of when he is expected to see his dd. And how.

With a read Receipt .

LunchBoxPolice · 26/07/2020 17:09

What an absolute waste of a father. Go through cms (is he self employed?) and tell him that if he wants a relationship with his daughter he needs to step up and arrange to collect her himself. Or at least do half of the collections/drop offs.

BurtsBeesKnees · 26/07/2020 17:14

I'm usually one that always says that the mother should do what she can to facilitate a relationship between the child and the father. But in this case op, just no! If he wants to see his child he makes the effort and comes to you. If he doesn't like it, then tell him to take you to court. I'd also second going directly to the csa for child maint.

Princessbanana · 26/07/2020 17:28

@ash4284 go to CMS and get what you are legally entitled to! Also it is not your job to drive her to or from visitation with her father! It is not your job to initiate visitation, it’s his. If he tells you that he won’t see her unless you drop of collect or meet half way then tell him that’s fine and his choice but stick to your guns as he will walk all over you otherwise. And don’t feel bad if he doesn’t see her, it’s not your fault that he’s not doing his part.

Original poster
ash4284 · 26/07/2020 17:31

@LunchBoxPolice

What an absolute waste of a father. Go through cms (is he self employed?) and tell him that if he wants a relationship with his daughter he needs to step up and arrange to collect her himself. Or at least do half of the collections/drop offs.
Yes he is self employed I should of mentioned that (when he is actually working like) that's why I was abit hesitant on csa as I'm not sure how it would work then?
OP posts:
Twickerhun · 26/07/2020 18:00

[quote RandomMess]@Twickerhun that isn't usual/typical usually the parent that moves away (especially if NRP) has to suck up the cost and time of travelling.[/quote]
Not according to our lawyer. She said that it’s more normal to be ordered to do half way now - which we are despite our protest. I know this kind of decision changes and what’s normal varies by time and geography. Our court order was made in May so is very recent.

Original poster
ash4284 · 26/07/2020 18:23

@Twickerhun

The court told us we have to meet half way even though the other parent moved 150 miles - we have to suck up the costs of the travel
Wow really! See that is a far distance and I'm crying over 8.5 miles. See I absolutely would not do 150miles that is crazy and was it the father who moved away also?
OP posts:
Original poster
ash4284 · 26/07/2020 18:24

@KarlKennedyisaterriblehusband

Tell Him to fuck off and go through cms.

Email him with details of when he is expected to see his dd. And how.

With a read Receipt .

Haha this is my fave response!! I have told him many times to fuck off and a lot worse👹 the ass wipe doesn't though sadly.
OP posts:
Original poster
ash4284 · 26/07/2020 18:25

@BurtsBeesKnees

I'm usually one that always says that the mother should do what she can to facilitate a relationship between the child and the father. But in this case op, just no! If he wants to see his child he makes the effort and comes to you. If he doesn't like it, then tell him to take you to court. I'd also second going directly to the csa for child maint.
This is my view on it! I think he should collect her as he wants to have her. If he had her a lot more days I'd say fair enough yes but one night a week no chance.
OP posts:
Original poster
ash4284 · 26/07/2020 18:26

[quote Princessbanana]@ash4284 go to CMS and get what you are legally entitled to! Also it is not your job to drive her to or from visitation with her father! It is not your job to initiate visitation, it’s his. If he tells you that he won’t see her unless you drop of collect or meet half way then tell him that’s fine and his choice but stick to your guns as he will walk all over you otherwise. And don’t feel bad if he doesn’t see her, it’s not your fault that he’s not doing his part.[/quote]
Thank you. I know some fathers just don't get it do they. Absolutely useless.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 26/07/2020 18:32

Thing is he would have to take you to court to stand a chance of you being forced to share the trip. Is he really going t pay out for mediation and then court??? Can't see it myself!

Original poster
ash4284 · 26/07/2020 20:26

@RandomMess

Thing is he would have to take you to court to stand a chance of you being forced to share the trip. Is he really going t pay out for mediation and then court??? Can't see it myself!
No course not! All talk that is it...
OP posts:
Campingintheraintoday · 26/07/2020 20:28

Imo facilitating him being a df will come back to hit your dd hard.
He isn't that interested.
Better she knows sooner rather than later...
And contact Cms.

CharlOtteSometime · 26/07/2020 21:08

It's your job to have her available for her father to see - you need to make sure you're not blocking it. And you're not

Honestly, this shit from crap fathers only stops when women stop facilitating it. Tell him to piss off. She will be ready to collect at XYZ time and that's that. You won't be taking several buses to meet him half way.

Just say no to him. And mean it

Original poster
ash4284 · 26/07/2020 21:52

@CharlOtteSometime

It's your job to have her available for her father to see - you need to make sure you're not blocking it. And you're not

Honestly, this shit from crap fathers only stops when women stop facilitating it. Tell him to piss off. She will be ready to collect at XYZ time and that's that. You won't be taking several buses to meet him half way.

Just say no to him. And mean it

I know I completely get you, I've tried I've been tough saying you aren't seeing her until you make arrangements what set days your having her times etc it gets sorted then few weeks down the line it's changed again! This time it's changed to 1 night a week and he still wants me to meet him! No get to fuck. Done completely done
OP posts:
Original poster
ash4284 · 26/07/2020 21:55

@Campingintheraintoday

Imo facilitating him being a df will come back to hit your dd hard. He isn't that interested. Better she knows sooner rather than later... And contact Cms.
I know it breaks my heart I have a father who doesn't care either and that's what I didn't want. That's why I have tried so hard to not let this happen but I can't force something can I. I have to just let her understand he is a gobshite and that is that lol. He's now told me he wants nothing to do with her as I'm getting in the way of his relationship all because I won't meet him in the middle, this is how ridiculous he is.
OP posts:
Bookaholic73 · 26/07/2020 22:00

I’d say yes.
I used to drive our kids an hour to meet my kids dad half way.

At the end of the day, it’s not about him, it’s about what’s best for your child.

ButteryPuffin · 26/07/2020 22:02

He's had a lot of money this year

And none has been spent on his daughter? Awful. Get onto the CSA tomorrow. As he's self employed, he may be able to wangle it to not pay as much as he really should. But then if you're getting zero at the moment, it can't be any less than it is now..

yesterdaystotalsteps123 · 26/07/2020 22:26

He's using her to punish you because you're not doing things his way. I have been there, ferried mine to convenient places for him and he would roll up 2 hours late. No. I decided to set every other weekend and he collects and drops off (approximately 15 miles) and if he can't manage that as a grown ass man with children he can fuck off. I won't be manipulated by him anymore. There are buses, trains, taxis and also where there's a will there's a way.

CharlOtteSometime · 26/07/2020 22:55

Stop talking to him and correspond via email so you have a documented and factual trail. Change your language from 'you're not having her' to 'i wish you facilitate a relationship between you and she will always be available for you to travel 8 miles and collect her at our mutually agreed times'

And then leave it

Wheresthebiffer2 · 26/07/2020 23:01

He could come on the bus(es) to collect the child, at his expense.

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