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Original poster

How far is the quality of the relationship that dh has with the children my responsibility?

66 replies

emkana · 30/09/2007 19:58

Don't get me wrong, dh is in many many ways a great father. Always home for dinner at 6 pm, does bath time, reads bedtime story, we go for family outings at a weekend...

but I sometimes feel that he doesn't actually listen when the dd's are trying to talk to him (always nose in a book/on PC), he's not really big into playing with them...

and I'm inclined to nag him about those things which he resents. And I'm thinking now should I really just leave him? So far I always felt that I sort of owe it to the children to try and get him to buckle up so to speak, but maybe I'm going completely wrong there?

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Original poster
emkana · 01/10/2007 14:18

Anna, sounds like you have the perfect life and the perfect husband there.

OP posts:
Anna8888 · 01/10/2007 14:19

Forgot to mention he leaves work every Wednesday at 4pm in order to spend the afternoon with all of us .

And he sneaks a morning off work in the week now that my daughter is at school so the two of us can be alone together...

Anna8888 · 01/10/2007 14:20

emkana - seriously, he is involved but that level of involvement is only every other weekend because the boys are at their mother's house every other weekend. And they are only with us for one night a week.

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Original poster
emkana · 01/10/2007 14:20

Yes and at the same time he is highly successful in his job so that he can give you all a comfortable lifestyle, is that right?

Good for you.

OP posts:
codswallop · 01/10/2007 14:21

so its GUILT

anyway emakana its the truth men hate that forced "lets play a agme" stuf
fitll come natually

Original poster
emkana · 01/10/2007 14:21

Ha see that puts it in perspective really doesn't it a bit? Dh sees the children every single day, it's just a different set-up,

so the question is - how much involvement is truly necessary?

OP posts:
TellusMater · 01/10/2007 14:21

Do your children feel like they aren't being listened to? Or is it your observation?

Original poster
emkana · 01/10/2007 14:21

Thank you cod that is helpful.

OP posts:
Anna8888 · 01/10/2007 14:22

He doesn't do anything round the house though .

Meeely2 · 01/10/2007 14:22

I HATE forced lets play a game too!

Original poster
emkana · 01/10/2007 14:23

I think the children are quite happy really, at the weekend they do just play very happily by themselves if dh and I are busy doing other things, but my thoughts are is it because that's what they expect, because they don't even expect dh to play with them?

OP posts:
codswallop · 01/10/2007 14:23

really
i rememeb thinking "oh go dh hates the kids" at oen low point
he foudn ti dull
i of course beign a sahm was used to being dull(
so could cope with it

now dh is aciton dad and woudl be more if itwasnt for his knees []
he also takes very seriously the bit abotu helping them to becoem rounded characters - issuess wiht competitiveness etc

codswallop · 01/10/2007 14:23

no i think you and dh have every right to do what you want

hwo is ds? what was hte verdict in the end

Original poster
emkana · 01/10/2007 14:24

I also wonder how much it plays a role that it's daughters we're talking about here.

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Original poster
emkana · 01/10/2007 14:24

Ds is well, no "verdict" as yet, another specialist to see on the 30/11.

But he's cruising now! Wahey!

OP posts:
codswallop · 01/10/2007 14:25

hmm i cant help you there
my niece is a real techy

her and BIl spend hours on teh pc

TellusMater · 01/10/2007 14:25

Agree with cod. Ds is now 6, and DH can sort of see the point of him now IYSWIM. DD is 3, and he is still a bit scared of her I think

As am I...

Anna8888 · 01/10/2007 14:26

emkana - but involvement obviously gets compressed for parents (not just fathers) who don't see their children (for work or other reasons) every day when in a fit state (ie not knackered from work) to do things with them.

I know plenty of mothers here who didn't see their children from Sunday evening until Friday night week in week out when the children were little. So then of course they spent all day every day at weekends and on holidays with the children doing things. When you see them loads every day you can relax about the intensity of your involvement.

Original poster
emkana · 01/10/2007 14:26

see my dd's are very girly
princesses and baby dolls all the way

Dd1 cried at the weekend because dh suggested reading Harry Potter next and she thought it would be too scary!

OP posts:
codswallop · 01/10/2007 14:26

yes form 7 on they get a BIG thing goign on

codswallop · 01/10/2007 14:26

im wiht dh then emkana

poor guy

TellusMater · 01/10/2007 14:27

Hmm. I shall be interested to see how it pans out with dd. I have a suspiscion she will be wielding a spanner just as well as her brother though...

Anna8888 · 01/10/2007 14:29

Yes, the girly stuff can be hard for men to get interested in. My partner was very surprised when I suggested we buy our daughter a tutu, and even more surprised to see she wears it every day .

She's quite sporty though so he and the boys like taking her to the park. And he likes buying her clothes - he likes her to be well dressed.

codswallop · 01/10/2007 14:30

ponce

TellusMater · 01/10/2007 14:42

French

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