Stopping BF at 2 weeks, how to stop the guilt?

[magic13]

Baby is 2 weeks, have really struggled with BF due to baby getting upset at the breast, constant latching and unlatching, never satisfied from a feed and I have to end up FF. I think for my sanity I need to stop trying because it's draining me and I need to not have one more thing to worry about but I feel so guilty about giving up and giving her bottles :( Also the constant barrage of people telling me I need to keep at it and spend the day just BF her but she just gets so upset I end up giving in to the bottle.

Just put it straight out of your mind and focus on spending time with your baby. Honestly. Far sooner than you will imagine this will be a non issue. Your baby will be fine ❤️

I’m sorry you’re having a miserable time. Breastfeeding can be super hard work.

I guess to stop the guilt you know you’ve tried and tried, 2 weeks is a long time.
Your baby has had your colostrum which the most important bit.
You will be less stressed and may enjoy your time with your baby more if you aren’t worried about the next breastfeed.
I’m a teacher and I can tell you know there is no difference between school Aged kids who have been formula fed and breastfed. That is for sure.

You’ve done an amazing job getting to two weeks and you should be proud of that.

The vast majority of breastfeeding is imparted in the colostrum. Anything after that is so negligible the health benefits are only seen on a national level.

Imagine being a hungry baby, all they want is to be full & satisfied.

I think mums that make personal achievement 'sacrifices' like stopping bfing so their baby is well nourished make the best mums. You're putting your baby's needs before your own fulfillment.

Congrats on your new arrival!

*vast majority of health benefits

How you choose to feed your baby is noone elses business and like pp said, is actually not that important in the great scheme of things. What is important is your mental and physical well being. Don't let this issue dominate how you feel about motherhood in the early months. You've made the decision that's right for you - now crack on without an ounce of guilt.

Colostrum is the most important part. Baby has had that, so let go of that guilt.

Breastfeeding is hard at first, we're not cows. We don't produce a shit load of milk straight off, it's something that mother and baby has to learn how to do. Baby has a job to do and it takes a little while to get established like any new skill. Ideally we should be able to sit and just feed feed feed but life isn't always ideal.

You can stop.It can cause the blues for a few days though just so you're aware but it passes.

Congratulations on your little one and don't be so hard on yourself. Breastfeeding is such hard work - despite the comments you always hear about it being the most natural thing in the world. As long as your baby is happy and fed and you are happy theres no need to feel guilty.

Your comment about her struggling to stay latched makes me think she may have a tongue tie though so could be worth getting her checked. It's causes them to not be able to latch properly as they're hanging on with just their lips instead of their whole mouth and could explain her frustration as it's exhausting for them to try and feed that way.
x

Oh OP the guilt can suck all the joy out of you if you you let it. Please don't do what I did and let this guilt ruin your first precious months with your baby.

Have a good cry that it hasn't worked out, then take comfort and pride in the fact that your baby is warm, clean, fed and loved. That's all they need.

In 14 years' time, when half a dozen teenagers are crashed on your sofa watching Netflix and chugging Haribo, believe me you'll not be able to tell the difference in how any of them were fed!

I have 3 children, all teenagers now two breastfed one formula fed.
The formula fed one has grown up to be strong, healthy both physically and mentally. Eats absolutely anything and never had any significant illness. You'd absolutely never tell which one was fed any different.

Don't feel guilty. Enjoy your baby. Stay away from social media groups about it. You can't pour from an empty cup. (Not literally, here! Or maybe )
I'd have disappeared into a PND black hole if I hadn't stopped at 3 weeks. DC2 the decision was taken out if my hands by a weight drop issue. Both my kids are healthy and happy.

Is baby fed? Yes. Is baby happy? More so than when trying to force her to breastfeed. Is mum so stressed and worried that she can't do everything else to her best? No.

You're rocking it. Keep doing what is right for you and your baby and don't listen to anyone who says differently.

Ps I managed after a struggle to breastfeed. I haven't had a night off in the year since. I now have no idea how to wean my toddler off it as she is far too keen on it to the detriment of eating food. So it's not all it's been made out to be.

Oh op I was like this with my twins. When I wasn't trying to feed them, adjust their position or tending bleeding nipples I was pumping into bottles (and failing at that too) and crying most of the time. After a couple weeks dp just said he thought it would be better to give up and I did. I'm so grateful someone actually said it. Life was so much better! Don't feel guilty, and enjoy your baby x

@tiredandemosh
Similar here, only my eldest was breastfed " successfully" and she's riddled with allergies and is a horrifically fussy eater. My twins eat everything and are rarely poorly.

Please don’t feel guilty, you need to do what’s best for you. But what you describe sounds like completely normal cluster feeding, fussing at the breast ups your supply and isn’t necessarily an indication something’s wrong. There could also be a tongue tie, which is easily fixed (midwives and HVs aren’t qualified to diagnose this, it needs a specialist) and could make things much easier. The support of a proper lactation consultant could really help if you did want to continue.

But normal breastfeeding can be relentless, and if it’s not right for you to continue then it’s no one business but your own. I only say the above in case you would like to continue and haven’t had the right support - it is sorely lacking in this country.

Honestly, no-one knows or cares how a baby was fed once they're out of that stage.

By all means, explore options to help with breastfeeding but if it's not working, don't feel a moment of guilt with switching to bottles. Your baby is fed, and I am sure being very muchly loved and cared for. That's all that matters.

I promise that when they grow up the formula fed children don’t grow extra heads or purple stripes or other identical features. Right now, how you feed your baby feels like the most important thing but as they get older you’ll make all sorts of decisions, big and small, which will influence your child in much more ways than how they’re being fed.

I hope you feel better soon and enjoy your newborn - and the benefits formula feeding brings.

A more relaxed mum is the best thing for your baby. Whilst 'breast is best' in general terms when you get down to the individual family it is much more complex. You have given your lo the best start in life with those early days of breast milk but now you have to look at the big picture. Being able to relax into a routine that is purely formula will give you the 'head space' to enjoy your lo. I am afraid that 'mummy guilt' is quite common over lots of things but in reality nobody is a perfect parent. I was desperate to do everything 'right' for my DS but life is just not like that. I was told by somebody it is not about being perfect just 'good enough',

I was just thinking the other day about bf and how, at the time, it felt like the most important thing in the world. DS is now over a year and, honestly, I never think about it anymore. I did bf, but I'm not sure it was the right thing to do: I got very sad for a lot of the time, and it would have been better for DS to have a happy mum and plenty of milk. Please don't worry: formula milk is absolutely fine for them and much, much better than you struggling and her hungry.

I gave up after a few weeks breastfeeding my now 3 year old and felt guilty about it for ages. I am currently breastfeeding my 1 year old. Please don't feel guilty even though it's hard not to! There is no difference in the bond with both of my children - one bottle fed and one breast fed has made no difference to this. They are both happy and healthy. If my 1 year old had actually taken a bottle I would have given in within the first few weeks as the cluster feeding was exhausting. If you did want to continue though there are helplines and Facebook groups who can help with this. With my 1 year old it suddenly became easier and less painful after 4 weeks. But switch to bottles if you want to, it's your choice

OP I am adopted and therefore wasn't breastfed. I had no issues as a child and in fact was less sick than all the biological children. Just trying to say it makes zero difference to their life in the long run. Yes it's good for them, but defo not the be all and end all

Priorities yourself, your mental health and what makes you feel good and what makes your baby spend Their infancy with a present, happy, relaxed mother. For some people this means seeking BF support and pushing themselves to get it right. For some mothers it means taking the formula path. Select the path which gives you peace, comfort, happiness and which gives your baby a chance to enjoy themselves with a mother who can be present for herself and baby.

I had similar and it turned out my son had 85% tongue tie. I'm not saying this as a way to encourage you to continue but it might be worth getting baby checked. I was told by a pedeatrician on his day 1 check it wouldn't cause issues and it was only 6 weeks later an oral specialist said it meant he was using his jaw in a way he shouldn't be and it was making him tired during feeds. He found the bottle easier but we only used it for top ups. Not sure what effect tongue tie has with bottle feeding or long term so it might be a non issue even if your baby has it

You’re not ‘giving up’ you are doing what is best for you and by default your baby. The best thing your baby can have right now is a happy and healthy mother. If bottle feeding is going to provide that then you have absolutely zero to feel guilty about.

I genuinely think I wouldn’t be here today if I hadn’t switched to bottle feeding ds1. Both my boys were formula fed and they are rarely ill, bright, brilliant little boys. I have no doubt in my mind it would have made zero difference to them if I’d breastfed or not. On an individual level it really does not matter.

Congratulations on your lovely little baby. I hope everything goes well from here.

@OverTheRainbow88
I'm a teacher and I can tell you there is no difference...
But how do you know as this hasn't been a question on my DS' school forms? 🤣

If you feel guilty because you want to carry on, the drop the bottles out slowly and your supply will increase each day. If you want to stop then slowly reduce the breast feeds. One thing I would say is baby can get the rage if it's too hungry by the time you breastfeed. You can't leave as big gaps as you can with formula between feeds.

I had no choice, my girl had to be transferred to a different hospital the day after she was born and i had to stay at the other hospital. I wanted to BF but it wasn't on the cards for us. I know this isn't the case for you but my girl has been FF since day one and she is SO happy (as am I)!

Don't worry about the people telling you what you should be doing, they aren't you. Fed is best. Doesn't matter how.

Think of all the positives, like you can actually see how much your baby drinks on a daily basis, you can create more of a routine as and when (we eliminated night feeds by 8 weeks), and you don't have to worry about privacy when you're out and about. I never thought I'd say it, but I probably wouldn't BF next time either unless there was an absolute need to!