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Original poster

Finding newborn life hard

33 replies

JKDcot · 15/07/2020 02:18

FTM here with a 6 week old. I am finding it so hard and so disappointed with myself. Husband has been back to work after 2 weeks, WFH but in his office 8-6pm. No family helping due to COVID.

Baby is just normal I suppose sleeping and eating and crying. But I am starting to lose my mind. So very tired and feel so fed up. I am exhausted and just can’t keep it up without more help. Just not sure what to do or where to ask for help. Family can’t take care of him as I’m keeping him distant due to COVID. Husband still working can’t ask him to take time off

Not sure what other options I have. Tired and feel like a failure

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

TracyBeakerSoYeah · 15/07/2020 02:28

Oh bless you. It is hard with your first baby as it's totally new to you.
Don't be hard on yourself as I'm sure you are doing a great job.
Yes the tiredness & ground hog day feeling is unfortunately completely normal. But remember this will pass (the great MN saying which is so true)
Google the fourth trimester as it should help you understand why the first month or two is hard.
Finally although it was a few years ago I used The Baby Whisperer book by Tracy Hogg. Now I know some posters will froth about me using it but it saved my sanity & my DC were happy & healthy. It's a very gentle book compared to others who cannot be named.
You are not a failure just tired & a bit overwhelmed

longtimecomin · 15/07/2020 02:30

You're not a failure, it's very normal to feel like this after the birth of your baby, there are lots of pregnancy hormones which often make new mums feel down. Tell your health visitor how you are feeling, they may have some suggestions.

I went to lots of baby groups when mine were little, just sharing my worries and concerns with other new mums made my load feel lighter. Find out if there are any zoom groups etc.

Good luck op, don't be hard on yourself, it's hard enough having a newborn without the added complications of Covid.

Mmsnet101 · 15/07/2020 02:31

You are not a failure. Newborns are relentless and they give nothing back (other than sick/pee/poo).

Do you get any time to yourself in the evening or weekends when your DH is available? Long bath, walk by yourself etc? If not, make it a priority!

Getting out each day is also a necessity. Even if it takes longer to get ready to go out than the time you are actually outside, mentally it makes a world of difference.

You are doing a great job in a really challenging time, everyone struggles with newborns and with the pandemic on top it is a much harder time

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

0-3 months old Babies & sleep Families General parenting

Mintjulia · 15/07/2020 02:35

Op, you’re doing fine. It’s still very early days and things will settle down.

One thing, check with your health visitor if you might be anaemic. I was and after 3 weeks, I felt like my world was ending. Putting that right made a huge difference.

TicketyBoo92 · 15/07/2020 06:55

FTM to a 16 week old here to say it really does get better. They start giving you more back - smiling, playing etc. They start to cry a bit less and sleep a bit longer at night. Does your husband have any availability through the day at all or is he in video calls? My husband was working from home but was only in meetings an hour or so a day so for the rest of the day if I needed him I could ask him to make a bottle or hold the baby quickly while I went to the toilet, just really quick things that help a lot. I second trying to get out of the house (ideally in the evening so you can have your husband watch the baby and get out for a breather by yourself). You're doing a much better job than you give yourself credit for, and you really can do it.

Haz1516 · 15/07/2020 07:00

Newborn life is hard! And nobody really talks about it while you're pregnant. But it does get better and easier. When hubby gets home, you need to get some sleep. Don't worry about tidying or chores - just rest when you can at the moment. Exhaustion makes everything feel so terrible. If things don't start to feel better, do reach out to family.

2847381User · 15/07/2020 07:02

Your not a failure. Newborn are scary and hard work! ( their lovely too, i know )

One thing, check with your health visitor if you might be anaemic definetly do this. I had zero energy & low mood until i started taking iron tablets.

COVID has made things difficult. All i can suggest for the tiredness is to sleep when baby sleeps, it doesnt matter if chores need doing ( DP can do them when he gets home )

My newborn fed every 2 hours and it was just me on my own, i had no support. I felt like killing us both, it was horrific. I had my 2 year old too so napping when baby napped was impossible. But if you can sleep when your baby is sleeping it will do you the world of good

You are not a failure, your doing an amazing job especially considering with the circumstances x

Fatted · 15/07/2020 07:03

8-6 is pretty long time to be working? Does your DH work that everyday?! Mine did 7-5 and I used to find the long days on my own so hard. But you need some down time in evenings. I used to hand over to DH in the evenings and run into the kitchen and just sit on my own!

Getting out every day is also important. Accept that you are tired. Except that you don't look like how you want to. Accept it will probably take you all bloody day to do it, but go out for a walk and take your baby with you.

Six weeks is a tough time. I remember feeling my lowest around them. But it does get easier as things settle down. But I would speak up with your DH. You need some help and if he can be available to you even just finishing at 5 so you can make tea, it's a huge thing.

SallyWD · 15/07/2020 07:12

It's very normal to feel like this. It's utterly exhausting and relentless. It does slowly get easier and the baby becomes more interesting as they develop. Hang in there OP! You'll get through it. Take any help/rest you can get.

user1493413286 · 15/07/2020 07:25

It is really hard with a newborn; we weren’t made to be bringing up babies on our own like we do and now even more isolated due to Covid. With both my babies I have been over the moon to have them but really disliked the newborn stage; I promise it does get better though and for me a big part of that has always been sleep.
Can your DH take over with the baby when he comes home so you can get some sleep? My DH would do that and I’d get a stretch of sleep from 8-11/12 which made a lot of difference.
What’s your plan about when you’ll be happy for family to help with your baby? I completely understand your fears but you could ask a specific person to help (so that with just one person risk is reduced) and to wear masks and hand wash/sanitise several times. If you’re not quite there yet are you seeing them but staying socially distant? Seeing people has always helped me just to have the company.

Original poster

JKDcot · 15/07/2020 07:26

Thank you all. He was awake and on/off feeding from 1-4am. My husband found me bawling my eyes out on the sofa about 4.30am and took him away so I’ve had a sleep.

I am just hoping it gets better soon. Need more sleep less painful nipples... I didn’t realise breast feeding makes you the sole responsible one always needed

Thanks for your kindness all

OP posts:

firstimemamma · 15/07/2020 07:27

What everyone else said! Sending you a big hug, hang in there.

I found it so hard when my ds was very little too but for me it all got easier over time.

firstimemamma · 15/07/2020 07:32

I breastfed too and I'd advise having your dh do as much nighttime stuff (nappies, settling) as he can if he's not already doing so. I know that's frowned upon on mn and lots of people will argue that it's "just making you both tired" but for us personally it really, really worked. Helped me massively in those early weeks. Of course every family is different and it may not work for u, just an idea.

BGirlBouillabaisse · 15/07/2020 07:35

OP look up safe co-sleeping, it saved my sanity with both DC. They would latch on in the middle of the night whilst I was still asleep. Because of the position of your arm in relation to the baby, it's impossible to roll onto them. Get a sidecar crib like a Chicco Next2Me. Babies feed lots at night to boost supply.

I also used to wear baby in a sling 24/7 - it meant I had free hands to do stuff.

If your baby is having a nap, you can have a nap too.

Go with the flow and make life easy for yourself. They're only tiny for a few weeks. Good luck!

FartnissEverbeans · 15/07/2020 09:07

Looking after a newborn is fucking relentless.

You’re 100% normal. I don’t think you’re supposed to enjoy it - you’re just supposed to survive it.

Be kind to yourself

escocesita · 15/07/2020 11:59

I am so with you! My son is 9 weeks old and I think we have finally turned a corner. At 6 weeks I remember crying my eyes out, thinking that I had made a terrible mistake and my life was over!

What helped me was iron tablets, the baby starting to sleep 4 hour stretches, getting a good sling (absolutely changed everything - today we went to the shops, I went for a coffee, made lunch, ate lunch and he is still snoozing in there), the baby smiled at me and melted my heart (in genera he is more interactive which feels so nice) and he started to let me put him down for the odd 20mins here and there on his play mat.

I am starting to feel much, much happier. I hated when people told me it would improve, but it really has and in a shorter time than I thought.

Try and get some extra help. My husband takes the baby in his lunch break and he does all the nappies at night. It makes me feel less alone.

I promise you are going to be okay. More than okay!

Pegase · 15/07/2020 12:05

4 week old here - 2nd time round though. Newborns are so frustrating. I remember from last time feeling that things improved after 6 then 8 then 12 weeks as baby became vaguely comprehensible and also more interactive so hang on in there! I am counting the days till we leave the fourth trimester!

Original poster

JKDcot · 15/07/2020 12:14

Thank you. Just spent last few hours in tears. So frustrated with him. He feeds but never till he’s full, just on and off which hurts. I can’t put him down at all as he just wails. Haven’t tried a sling yet will look for one.
Worried husband thinks I’ve lost the plot as all I can do is cry and complain. He doesn’t see it’s so hard. He’s just sat in his office typing. I’d swap any day

OP posts:

Pegase · 15/07/2020 12:55

I have rented a sling from here

itsaslingthing.co.uk

First baby hated the sling but thought I'd try again with this one with a rental and it really settles her so definitely worth giving it a go.

Also they do just cry for no bloody reason initially - particularly in evenings - so try to let it wash over you as much as possible. I couldn't believe that babies don't just fall asleep when tired! You have to go through elaborate shenanigans to get them to fall asleep if they ever don't fall asleep feeding! Sling helps with this ...

Pegase · 15/07/2020 12:57

I'm sure others will give advice abt the breastfeeding- we couldn't master it and gave up so I am not best placed to advise but is everything ok weight and nappies-wise to show baby is getting enough? I relied heavily on the kellymom website when I was bf/expressing

escocesita · 15/07/2020 13:07

Definitely try a stretchy wrap. It was the only way I survived. Baby protested a bit on the way in but falls asleep (for hours sometimes) in it. At least then you have your hands back and can move around. It is bloody hard. You are doing great.

BendingSpoons · 15/07/2020 13:17

6 weeks is a really tough point, especially when you aren't able to have visitors to help out. What is your DHs job? If baby wants to be held, could he have him in a sling for a bit whilst working on the computer to give you a break? Could he take the baby for a walk at lunchtime or when you finish to give you a break? I found my bf babies didn't want feeding so frequently when out and about. Would it help you to go out for a walk, maybe meet up with someone socially distanced? I know it won't give you a rest but might still mentally refresh you a bit. It WILL get better, do whatever you need to do to get through this point.

MindyStClaire · 15/07/2020 14:47

The newborn bit is awful. I can say that because it's taken me however many hours and several feeds with DC2 to read it. DC1 is two and I've found each phase a little easier than the last. Newborns are tough.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 15/07/2020 15:29

The newborn phase is awful. Its all about survival. Im not having another because of that phase - im just not willing to do it again.

It 100% does get better (because how can it get any worse?!) At around 7ish weeks when he smiled and he started to interact with his environment a bit, then now at 4 months I genuinely enjoy him.

Original poster

JKDcot · 15/07/2020 16:36

I hate to say I’m pleased others found it hard but it does give me some reassurance. My husband has just taken him out in the sling for a walk so I can have some peace.

I feel so selfish for needing a break. Also I had a dodgy tummy today and realised how scary and painful it must be for a newborn with tummy ache and they don’t know what it is. Need to remember they are so new and to have empathy.

Thanks so much for the advice. Bring on 12 weeks when I hope things are easier

OP posts:

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