Finding newborn life hard

[JKDcot]

Hi

FTM here with a 6 week old. I am finding it so hard and so disappointed with myself. Husband has been back to work after 2 weeks, WFH but in his office 8-6pm. No family helping due to COVID.

Baby is just normal I suppose sleeping and eating and crying. But I am starting to lose my mind. So very tired and feel so fed up. I am exhausted and just can’t keep it up without more help. Just not sure what to do or where to ask for help. Family can’t take care of him as I’m keeping him distant due to COVID. Husband still working can’t ask him to take time off

Not sure what other options I have. Tired and feel like a failure

Ah I really feel for you - the newborn phase is utterly relentless and Covid has stripped away any support you might have had. Baby groups were my absolute lifeline and I’m missing them soooo much (though thankfully my youngest was out of the newborn phase in time for lockdown and I DO NOT MISS IT!!!).

It gets so much easier but those early weeks are TOUGH. Stretchy sling is a good call if you don’t already have one, do you have local friends you could meet for a socially distanced coffee?

My baby is 2 weeks old and I feel exactly the same. If I’m not up all night worrying she’s not ok, I’m feeling guilty about needing help. I’m hoping it’s the baby blues and will pass. Today is the first day since she was born that I haven cried. Although when I’m typing this I feel myself well up. Nobody tells you just how hard the newborn phase is. Hope you’re ok OP xx

I totally understand you feeling reassured by that, I really wish women would be more honest with each other about how hard this phase. I felt cheated, like I'd been sold a dream. Quickly switching to combine feeding saved me, since then we've been alternating nights with my husband so that whatever happens, we both know we've got a full, good night to recover. She's now 2 and honestly an absolute dream. I'm enjoying this phase so much, I find the (occasional) tantrums hilarious and she sleeps through until 8 or 9 every day. To the extent that I am now genuinely considering another child even though I always wanted to stick with one (I'm on only and loved it). Hang in there and you might find that you enjoy different stages so much more. Hugs!

I don’t know a single lockdown mum who doesn’t feel this way.
My DS was born the week before lockdown and I felt this way until he was around 10 weeks, then it gradually got a bit better as he settled into a routine!

Only thing I can say is it gets better and pretty fast. You will be shocked how quickly these first few weeks pass and suddenly they’re 3x the size they were and you feel like you’ve got a whole other baby. My DS has just woken up from a full nights sleep 9pm-5:30 and I feel like it’s Christmas morning!!! A few weeks ago I’d have laughed at the prospect.

Xx

Don't be disappointed with yourself OP, it is hard and you are doing amazing. Must be even harder with no baby groups or support. If you continue to feel down, it might be worth speaking to your doctor or health visitor. Do you have a routine at all? Maybe that would help? Something like a morning walk perhaps? Hope you feel better soon X

I found it awful too. Just so relentless and boring. Only DH to help. I put them in nursery at four months each time and went back to work pt. some normality resumed immediately. Now teens, I still consider that my best parenting decision! It saved my mental health.

You are not alone in feeling this. Mine is 5 months old now and I think the turning point was 3 months when it became better. Honestly the crying, the anxious feelings will slow. When you're in the thick of it, it is horrible and seems neverending. But I promise you it does get better. This coming from someone who cried through the screaming night feeds until my DP came back from work and could take over. I did feel guilty if I had time away from the baby but it was the best thing for my mental health to take an hour for a bath or just 20 mins to sit on the bed googling for threads just like this.
My advice would be to recognise your feelings and just ask your DH for a little break each day.

It's hard. It really is. But try not to put pressure on yourself. I tried to leave the house similar time each day, have a nice walk. If you live near coffee shops get a takeaway coffee or take one with you.

When your baby sleeps, try to rest too. The housework can wait.

Find a good Netflix or whatever series. I know it seems hard at the moment but the one good thing about sitting feeding is you can just watch TV - I honestly do miss these days.

Each day I would ask your DH to put 30/45 mins in his diary to give you a rest. Go and lie in another room or have a walk if you feel up to it. You need the mental space. Insist on this. He must have some gap in his day.