TV/screentime for 21 month old- no judgement just advice needed!

[Anewmum2018]

Not a judgey TV or no TV type thread - I'd just like to find out what other parents do...

My 21 month old has, over lockdown, got REALLY into the TV - we started in March with him being pretty uninterested and just wandering off after 5 minutes so it was never a problem. But as the weeks have gone by, he's started concentrating on it loads more and now, accidentally, we've fallen into a pattern of hanging out on the sofa watching TV for at least a couple of hours in the morning and agian in the evening. To be honest, on his nursery days, we don't really do much else than watch TV together.

It's got to the stage where i want to change this - i don't think TV is inherently bad, but I don't want it to become all we do, and I also think that at the moment he has no clear rules - so TV is his default activity.

So I just wanted to know what other parents do really at this age - do you have strict limits and how to you enforce them?

I struggle particularly at the beginning/ end of the day when either I'm tired or he is. Plus, at the age he is now, 'playing' basically consists of him chucking his toys around for 5 minutes and then getting bored and moving onto the next thing - which is more often than not sitting in front of the TV!

Any advice on how to break this cycle would be much appreciated! Maybe i just need to go cold turkey?

My 2 year old has become addicted to tv recently. The first thing he asked for this morning was tv!
I’m now making a new routine of 30 minutes first thing then an hour or so with his brothers before dinner.
I’m shutting the living room door and bringing a couple of toys from downstairs also opening the back door up to the garden. He has a couple of garden toys including a little tikes car. I’ve also been taking him to the park behind our house for a walk.
One thing he likes to do is draw with chalk on our outside walls and patio.
I did think other things I would do are rotate toys ie play doh / puzzles one day duplo / train set another day and sit with him and let him do what he wants to them.
You could just let him watch tv once? Maybe at the end of the day? Then get into a new routine in the morning ie after breakfast get changes etc you go out for a walk?

Put the subtitles on - Boom! They'll learn to read 😂.

Seriously OP, times are strange right now, whatever gets you through the day. I've never had strict limits with ds. He can watch his ipad when he wants, but it entirely depends what else is on offer. He spent 5 hours in the garden yesterday because we had work out there being done. It's so hard with little ones when there's lots we can't do right now.

I just hope this will pass and more things will open as mine never asks for TV when we are out and about

One of my daughter's first words was "telly".
We had a lot of tie in books of programmes, bought cbeebies magazine, some of the toys etc. That way we could do things about favourite characters that didn't actually involve watching the telly.
Subtitles is also a good thing as has been said.

Watching TV impedes language development, so it would be best to keep it to a minimum.

My DS is about the same age and is more insistent about having it on now but he doesn't actually 'watch' it very much. We do often have it on in the background while he plays with other things (he protests if I turn it off, but isn't actually watching it while he plays with dinosaurs). I don't know if this is better or worse!

(I don't like a totally quiet environment and would put the radio on 'for company' as my grandma used to say, even if I'm not really listening it, so perhaps he just likes some background noise!)

Facemasks it depends watch you watch. Some toddler programmes are about repeating words and the rhythm of language. Kind of like going to a baby group.

We've fallen into the habit of watching too much but I've limited it by only really watching nursery rhymes - super simple songs etc- so they are only a few minutes, and then I try and get us to sing the songs together when we're not watching the video. We do a max of thirty min-ish a day, the way I avoid more is trips out to the park, books, distraction with games.

I think it is really detrimental to their language at this age, but there are ways around it- this site has good examples of ways to improve their language www.bbc.co.uk/tiny-happy-people/activities/zjh8hbk

I think a lot of people have developed bad habits in lockdown, I know we have, it's just a struggle to get back on track. A little tv is no harm but it crowds out time for other things that can help them develop so it's worth the struggle to reduce it back down.

My DS has watched more TV during lockdown than usual, his speech has improved actually.
The BBC schools radio have really good nursery rhymes and programmes such as Steve and Maggie are good.
I try and read a couple of stories or do a couple of jigsaws with DS before reaching for the screen. I found it helpful to write down a list of easy activities and then when I'm struggling the ideas are already there. My list includes being pushed out on pushchair/going for a walk, drawing with different media e.g wax crayons, pencil crayons, old highlighters, sand and water play, play dough, building bricks and knocking them over. He does watch in the evenings though because I'm exhausted by then.

bookmum08

Maybe one short programme with age-appropriate vocabulary, but apart from that, every minute the child is watching TV is a minute that they are not developing their listening, speaking and concentration skills.

Interesting Facemasks. My telly addict girl was an earlier talker ("full sentences at 22 months"). Generally didn't stop talking until school said she needed to be quiet at certain times. She could also read several words at 3. She can memorise song words after a couple of listens.
She also had a dummy and a forward facing buggy.
Oh the horror !

Both my dc stopped napping about this age, so the only time during the day they weren't rushing around was watching TV basically, so it became fairly necessary to spend periods watching it otherwise it is utterly exhausting being on the go all day! My 2nd dd first went to the cinema around this age and had quite a repertoire of favourite films and has an excellent attention span because of this! I don't think there is any point in thinking it is a negative thing to do, it's all about balance. No one should be watching TV all day, but at the end of a busy nursery day? Definitely OK.

Your daughter may be exceptional, but there are thousands of children starting reception at school with under-developed language skills and poor concentration, and TV is a contributor to this.

I wouldn't say my daughter is 'exceptional'. Just a kid.
I also know kids whose parents wouldn't let them watch TV but their concentration skills are the length of a gnat and barely say a word.

My advanced language toddler loves TV too! It's all just input, no idea why people have such strange ideas about it being harmful. Seems to be some kind of aspirational snobbery.

There have been studies that prove that kids learn far more from a real life person than tv. An educational tv programme is probs better than a non educational one but it is not better than or equivalent to a baby group or anywhere close to an adult providing responsive one to one attention. That’s not to say it’s bad however, it’s just not a substitute for proper interaction.

Thanks for the advice everyone! I'll try and break the habit a little bit, even if it's for my own sanity - not sure i can take another episode of Grace's amazing machines.

As with all parenting things, no need for anyone to go too hardline on anything - we're all doing our best in really tough times.... solidarity to you all!

@bookmum08 my daughter is a bit of a telly head and sounds very similar to yours. At the end of reception she can read chapter books and doesn't shut up her use of language is amazing

Fortunately, when my children were small there was very limited TV during the day; Playschool, Watch with Mother and Children's Hour with only the Test Card between programmes.

My son is the same and I've been feeling guilty about it. I'm gonna try some of the suggestions on here too. The days don't feel as long and depressing as they did so that helps.

I think a little tv is ok but I’d think about setting up activities to occupy him for longer than 5 minutes at a time so it’s not your go-to activity: rotating his toys so you can bring out something new every day or two, story sacks, sensory/pouring/construction tuff tray activities, play dough, crayons/pens and a big cardboard box. I agree with pp about making a list of easy activities. My DS is a couple of months younger but can be distracted for a decent amount of time with this sort of thing with minimal input so I get to relax and enjoy a coffee.

eddie oh the Test Card. Fantastic programme

I think some tv is okay, but only after activities. For example we don’t do tv straight away in the morning. We will either go to the park or grocery store. Then play, homework etc. Lunch and then some tv. After again play, Park, dinner bath reading etc. My children are older , but that is similar to what we did when younger. I also have a 7 month old. I’m exhausted, but don’t want them watching tv all day. If I start in the morning that is what happens so I make sure not to allow it until the afternoon at earliest and a lot of days not until evening. Easier though w siblings as they play w each other a lot.

Don’t panic, I imagine the habit won’t persist once there are more interesting things to do e.g. toddler groups, play dates etc. We’ve been having more screen time than I like with DD at the moment, but that’s just because of the difficult circumstances (trying to teach from home... please please please just sit quietly for 30 mins while I speak to my Y8s!!! Etc).

Are there things that you can do to distract from screen time? I realise this depends on how much time you have, I don’t know what you’re trying to juggle at the moment. Many playgrounds are now open and I’m guessing your DS is a good age for pottering about with slides for quite a long time? Maybe arrange to go at the same time as someone else with a child the same age now such things are allowed? He won’t ask for screen time when he’s not a home, so being out and about is a great way to break the habit (IF you are able to do this right now)

At home, if he asks, can you try to stretch him a bit to get him used to you saying “yes, but first we are going to....” and have some easy activities up your sleeve? Initially they may only buy you 10 minutes or so, but if you do that 4 of 5 times during the day you could cut down screen time by nearly an hour. Some ideas that worked for mine when she was about that age:
Sticker books/just a big tub of foam stickers and some blank paper
Painting - in the garden so you don’t have to do clean-up
Play dough - put a manky old sheet down first if you have carpets
Pretend picnic - blanket on the floor, couple of teddies, set of plastic food
Very short walk - we literally used to go round the block, but sometimes DD would get distracted by a feather/flower/worm/whatever, so this could end up being 45 mins.
Water painting - on a blackboard (we had one of those double sided easel thingies) or on a wooden fence - no cleanup needed!
Magic painting books - paint with water, it changes colour on the page
Reading a story - something a bit tactile or repetitive like the “That’s not my X” books
Sand and water table in the garden with a couple of simple spades/cups

None of these require big set up or planning times, but they do require some input/interaction from you.

For times when you do resort to screen time, assuage you’re guilt by deliberately choosing something that you feel is age appropriate rather than just switching on live TV or YouTube. I like DVDs for this reason - you have complete control over content and it is easy to limit length by just putting one episode on (at that age, my DD liked Mr Tumble, On the Farm and Alphablocks, which were all relatively simple and not too stimulating so she didn’t get worked up). If possible, treat the episode the same way you would treat a book - sit with your child, and ask them questions about it afterwards, or just comment on particular bits.

I’ve made lots of suggestions here. But don’t feel bad if you can’t implement them right now. These are really tough times and for all I know you’re stuck at home desperately trying to do your job and parent at the same time. You can only do your best, don’t beat yourself up just because you can’t meet an ideal.

Ah thank you for this, this is really very helpful. Before lockdown I was more of a let’s go out and see people sort of mum, so have found it very hard being at home so much. I don’t think I’m a natural!