SLEEP-OVERS! When do they start?

[StarryStarryNight]

My son is pestering me to invite kids over for sleep overs. I think it is too early. What do you think?

umm. He is 5 1/2

I think dd1 was nearly 6
It went finebut I guess it depends on which kid he wants to stay

What do they do on sleep overs? Is it at the weekend, or midweek? Sorry novice to this.

ds & his best mate have somehow wangled one this weekend

He's 3.5. There's no flipping chance it'll work

MY 3 YEAR OLD(HE'LL BE 4 IN NOVEMBER)WANTS TO DO A SLEEP OVER WITH THE GIRL OVER THE ROAD(SHE IS 6 MONTHS YOUNGER). WE HAVE TALKED ABOUT IT WITH HER PARENTS AND ARE HAPPY FOR IT TO GO AHEAD. JUST HAVEN'T GOT ROUND TO IT YET. MAYBE WE ARE JUST TRYING TO PUT IT OFF TILL THEY ARE A LITTLE OLDER. IT'S A HARD ONE. I REMEMBER DOING A SLEEP OVER AT MY FRIENDS HOUSE WHEN I WAS ABOUT 6

they start when the kids have moved out and living in their own accomodation at university.

i am no way taking responsibility for someone else s child. ever.
and no way am i exposing my kids to some childs paedophile older brother/uncle/neighbour/cat.

so they wait till they move out.

I will try remember that wildpatch lol. I have a feeling it wont be for some time yet...

Wildpatch, completely agree. No need for them IMO. I'm going to be very unpopular when my dcs get a bit older but I don't care, can't see any particular advantage with them over the good old fashioned having a friend round to tea and parents comes to take them home.

The best thing about sleepovers is that they make you appreciate your own children so much more when the visiting children have left!

Are you joking Wildpatch & StripeyTiger - a bit extreme surely..??

Of course one has to take sensible precautions and know the family and the set-up very well ... . But we can't lose faith in humanity completely.

A child (God forbid) could be exposed to a paedophile at school or at church choir practice ... not only in other people's homes. And accidents unfortunately do happen - I'm paranoid about looking after other people's children - it's a HUGE responsibility - but we can't go around living in fear of what might happen every day ...as long as one takes sensible precautions and thinks ahead and eliminates all obvious risks

I remember absolutely loving going to stay over with two close friends when I was about 8 or 9. (Their houses were always so much friendlier than mine, yummy food, crisp sheets, giggling under the bed clothes, playing hide and seek in the garden, lots of fun playing with siblings and aunts etc: I still think of my friends' mothers with gratitude and affection even now !!) I think it would be a shame to deprive our children of that ...

And they would get a horrible shock going to university having never slept away from home before ...

Having said all that, I do think 5.5 is too early StarryStarry. I reckon eight or nine is a good time ...

Don't think there is a "right age", it just creeps up on you! DD started when she was 5, initially just with her best friend whose mum is also one of my best friends so it was no big issue. Over the last year she has pestered me to have more friends to stay - although they cause general mayhem I would rather have her friends to stay here than vice versa in cases where I do not really know the other parents.

DS has shown no interest in sleepovers so far - just as well as the thought of a group of boys staying overnight fills me with dread.

dd1 (now 5yo) has done it since she was a 5 month old with my friends little boy. It's still going on every month or so, they love it. In fact friend is having both of ours this saturday and we are going out on tiles. Kids thrilled, us too. FAB! we had their little boy round last week for sleepover, kids had a ball

My sons is asking for both boys and girls to stay over. One I know will not be allowed as his mum wont even let him go on playdates without her (sad, as it is his best friend) the other I have no concerns with as I know his mum well and we have a set up where we take eachothers children to tennis, to Ikea, on days out for half term (we are both working mothers), so it helps us out and the children have fun. Mostly they are either single parent families, or families with many children, all from my sons RC primary school. The parents are very active in the church, and I hope and believe they have a healthy and wholesome home environment, what ever that means.

I did not start going to, or have, sleep overs till I was around 8-9, and I think that is a good age. At that age a child can wash and brush teeth and get ready to bed without too much adult help, and I too have fond memories of supper time with other families, breakfasts, chatting and playing till late late, and it was all great fun.

Really, it was only stopped by our mothers when as 11 / 12 year olds we started sneaking out of windows to pretend to be ghosts roaming around the neighbourhood dressed in white bedsheets (especially where boys we fancied lived)....

DD keeps asking for one - we have had her friend over a couple of times (my godson, so not like a school friend).

Apparently her bestest girl friend is coming soon

Should be interesting...

i never had a sleepover as a child. and neither did any of my friends. none of us suffered. i also have very fond memories of my friends mothers. there houses were more interesting. more interesting food to eat, toys to play with. differnet house rules etc. but we didnt have to sleep there to enjoy any of that.
just like we dont need to have alcohol to enjoy a night out. or meat to enjoy a meal.
allowing a child to sleep at someone elses house is NOT my idea of being sensible.
and no way in hell am i taking responsiblity for someone elses child.

Wildpatch - if that is your position for your children then that's absolutely fair enough but I think it's a wee bit extreme to say that everyone else who leaves a child overnight (or intends to do so when they are old enough) is not being sensible.

Many of us who consider ourselves responsible parents (I'm actually classed as an overly cautious parent by my friends) think it is sensible and reasonable.

It depends on the child, how well you know the other parents, and as many of us have testified, it patently WAS sensible for many of our parents to do so because no harm came of it - the opposite in fact.

And surely, most people end up taking responsibility for another person's child at some point. What about play dates? Doing a favour for a mother who is ill and collecting their child from school? Sharing the school run? Trips out?

I wish I hadn't said yes to my dd and her mate last night. They've been up almost 2 hours and are very noisy!

counting, day time responsibility is fine. but not night time.
as you said, that is my parenting deciion.
however i still reserve the right to think that other people arent being sensile about letting their children sleep in other peoples houses. i would never say that in rl, but i still think it.
just like i think that a party to which childrenare invited should not involve all the adults drinking to excess. and the same way that i think parents who drive their kids everywhere till the age of 16 are not being sensible.

late night chats in bed are when children get closer to each other so I wouldn't deprive my children of that opportunity. It is also comforting to know that there are houses where they would be welcome in an emergency - we have no relatives nearby.

If you live in a rural area where school friends may be coming some distance collecting them from school Friday evening and returning them Saturday is the easiest way for them to visit your home/ go out for the day with you. Having said that I prefer to restrict sleepovers to birthdays as much as possible as they are hard work and I didn't do them until 6. Even then you have to allow for the one who wants to go home to mummy at the last minute.

I also make sure that on visits there are sensible ground rules about behaviour - and it helps that my kids would rather stay with their friends if the other one is having a sleepover . One sex at a time is easier when they get to teenage!

My children have stayed sometimes with the local policeman and his family - you have to be able to trust someone!

late night phone conversations in bed dont require sleeping under someone elses roof.

it is NOT necessary to have sleepovers to have a good childhood. yo may choose to do so. but all your reasons are just rationalisations

and all your reasons not to are just rationalisations of an unreasonable fear or an excuse to avoid extra work.

Deprive your child(ren) of what is now a normal part of childhood if you wish but don't fool yourself - they are being deprived.

Nothing different about looking after a child in the day and at night, except that its easier if they actually get some sleep.

If you truely, truely believe what you say & that parents are not sensible in letting their lo's stay at other peoples houses, why would you not say it in rl wildpatch? If I feel strongly enough about something, I would say it here or rl. How is it ok to say it on here and not in rl.

Agree with you completely about adults drinking excessively at parties where children are present Wildpatch.

Don't understand about difference in responsibility during day and night however. One is equally responsible in both situations.

In general, (don't always succeed) I think it's preferable not to make decisions for oneself or on behalf of one's children based on fear.

I sincerely hope not, but perhaps you have had a horrible personal experience which informs your strong views about this issue. In my childhood, I was lucky enough to have had nothing but positive experiences when staying over with friends.

In fact, as I had very strict, authoritarian parents and the atmosphere in our house was not always happy - I absolutely loved staying over and seeing how a happy family interacts and it gave me hope for the future.

And I do think that you only truly get to know a family and "how they really live" when you stay overnight, instead of when they are in social "entertaining" mode for a couple of hours in the morning or afternoon. It's a different dynamic altogether, and you really feel as if you are part of their family which is a very valuable experience.

in rl i simply cant be bothered. people do things the way they think appropriate for themselves and their children. no one is interested in hearing a pov different from their own, and i'm not interested in wasting my breath.

i had a lovely childhood. completly free from any emotional trauma's whatsoever, (except when my parents decided to move countries! three times in one year)
sleepovers are not a normal part of childhood unless you want to make them.i see no benefit to them despite all the discussions about them on this thread. nothing anyone has said indicates any benefits whatsoever to go along with them.
to the person who said i didnt want the extra work, well, it seems that they wouldnt be as they would be reciprocated. thensurely it doesnt add up to extra work?

my chidren have a lot of fun activities arranged for them. and they do sleepovers at cub camp and scout camp. as well as on school trips. so they certainly dont miss out on anything.
i just dont see the need for sleepovers, and feel they are an activity with more potential for harm than any benefit they might bring. so we dont do them.