Honestly feel sick and can't forgive myself

[MrsC90]

Hello fellow mums and dads,

I need to share as I can't sleep or eat I'm so riddled with guilt.

So last Tuesday afternoon I was packing some boxes (we are moving next week) and my nearly 3 year old little boy was "playing" (throwing his toys around asking for attention) so I decided to stop packing and play for a bit, but first I went to put some rubbish from packing in the bin in the kitchen, whilst doing this I heard him walk up the stairs...

I ALWAYS go to him when he goes up as it makes me so anxious, we haven't got a stair gate at the bottom as our stairs curve so even with a extension the stair gate could only be fitted 4 steps up, we have a living room door between the stairs and living room so we've always just managed it. He is really confident on the stairs but I never let him go up and down on his own (there's a gate at the top obviously)

So this day whilst putting rubbish in the bin I heard him shoot up the stairs and I don't know why but I didn't rush to the stairs I walked in that direction but stopped at my phone on the way which was on charge as I was expecting a work email and then I went to stairs, I was to late!! He fell and I had to just watch as I couldn't do anything. Rang an ambulance as he seemed in pain and kept falling asleep on me after. He has broken his collar bone and is now in a sling for 3 weeks

Honestly I feel riddled with guilt and shame... why didn't I rush to him? Why did I look at my bloody phone first!? I broke him and it's all my fault.

Sorry it's long I just needed to off load this and mums been threw something similar? Xx

Oh OP please don’t blame yourself! These things happen.

At almost 3, it’s natural that you’d probably started trusting that he can get up and down the stairs on his own just fine - I wouldn’t have rushed up after a child of nearly 3 the same way I would a child a bit younger.

Accidents happen and it sounds like it was rough but he’ll be ok.

We all get things wrong - my dd was really tired after nursery and wanted to scoot, I knew that she was more likely to have an accident as tired but also was going to tantrum over wanting to scoot. She scooted, she fell and bashed her head, lots of blood and needed glue on her head at the hospital.

I’m thinking that you were a bit unlucky as they usually make it up stairs ok by nearly 3. Hope he gets well soon!

I know it's easy said than done but try not to think about it too much. It happened. Wish him a speedy recovery.

HV often recommend stair gates are removed for safety reasons when your lo are 2 year old as they are more likely to injure themselves trying to climb over them.

Ah you poor thing, I can imagine the guilt but don’t blame yourself, unfortunately accidents do happen. Try to be a bit easier on yourself (hard I know)

We've never had stairgates and my two have been using the stairs alone since they turned 2, and I'm sure I'm not the only person that's true for, so please don't be hard on yourself. It can happen to anyone.

dont beat yourself up. something similar happened to me when my daughter was 2. i was trying to rough blow dry my hair and left her playing with my then 4 year old daughter. i figured they would stay in there playroom it was the room next to me, but they had moved to the stairs. my 2 year old tumbled down the stairs.she didn't break anything but was very shaken up. i felt so guilty for months afterwards.

Dont be so hard on yourself...kids will have accidents. My dd fell down the entire flight of stairs when she was 6months. I had turned my back for a split second and that was all it took..luckily she landed on all fours and was fine..but i felt like the worst mother. your little boy was confident on the stairs so you had no reason to run..he will heal just fine and will be loving all the extra kisses and cuddles hes getting from mum. Kids are very resilient.

Thank you guys, I think the guilt is more that I was distracted, Iv noticed I'm on my phone a lot and struggle to bed a 'good mum' lockdown is starting to take its tole I think. I feel so bad.

He doesn't seem fazed, since wearing his sling Iv not had to give him any pain relief and he says it doesn't hurt and my biggest concern is he isn't resting it he's swinging his arm around and being as active as ever 😳 I spoke to GP for advice on this and he said sling should heal it regardless of activities but honestly you wouldn't know he has a broken bone by looking at him. It's me that's suffering xx

Not been through anything similar (yet!) but accidents happen and his collar bone will heal. I understand why you might feel guilty but try not to, he'll be fine.

Accidents happen. You can’t prevent everything. Really, don’t blame yourself and instead focus on making him as comfortable as possible as he recovers.

These things happen. DS is 2.5 and he's been going up and down our stairs on his own for over 6 months. He would have just tried to climb over a stair gate now because he loves climbing.

We had a night in hospital a couple of months ago (during lockdown) because he ran out of the bathroom, slipped and cut his head on the doorframe. Neither of us saw it happen but even if we had I'm not sure we could have prevented it. Accidents do happen, try not to beat yourself up too much.

These things happen. DS is 2.5 and he's been going up and down our stairs on his own for over 6 months. He would have just tried to climb over a stair gate now because he loves climbing.

We had a night in hospital a couple of months ago (during lockdown) because he ran out of the bathroom, slipped and cut his head on the doorframe. Neither of us saw it happen but even if we had I'm not sure we could have prevented it. Accidents do happen, try not to beat yourself up too much.

I know what you mean about being on your phone more during lockdown. I use my phone so much more when I’m bored, anxious or unfulfilled (hello lockdown!). And the more I use it, the more bored, unfulfilled and anxious I feel!

Honestly don’t beat yourself up. If you want to cut down on phone usage, you could try putting it in a drawer when you’re playing with your DS? (I’d love to say that’s what I do, but...)

Yeah the phone use has got bad since lockdown, I think it's the crave for adult interaction as it me and a 2 year old for 13 hours a day (he doesn't nap anymore)

Plus boredom and habit I think. Then every night I get the guilt... was I on my phone to much? Did I play enough? Did he watch to much telly (yes) Etc etc 🥺 mum guilt is so hard.

Thank you all, I definitely feel a bit better.

I think I got unlucky he hasn't ever even had a graze or cut in nearly 3 years and then the first accident he breaks a bone and I feel like I should ring social services on myself!!

🧡

Yeah the phone use has got bad since lockdown, I think it's the crave for adult interaction as it me and a 2 year old for 13 hours a day (he doesn't nap anymore)

Plus boredom and habit I think. Then every night I get the guilt... was I on my phone to much? Did I play enough? Did he watch to much telly (yes) Etc etc 🥺 mum guilt is so hard.

Thank you all, I definitely feel a bit better.

I think I got unlucky he hasn't ever even had a graze or cut in nearly 3 years and then the first accident he breaks a bone and I feel like I should ring social services on myself!!

🧡

When my DS2 was 1 and a half, he pulled a boiling cup of tea (no milk) on top of himself. In my panic we put him in the bath with the shower on cold and without thinking how bad it was I pulled off his vest and watched as all his skin came with it. He was in hospital with tubes sticking out him for a week. Had to have surgery. We were on holiday with my mum. She had out a cup of tea in her bedroom and came back to the kitchen and was talking to me. We thought DS was with his dad going to sleep, but do had let him come to get me, but he didn't come to get me he went to the furthest away bedroom and pulled the cup on himself. Didn't even see him walk by the kitchen door.
While we were in hospital, there were loads of tiny kids in who had similar and different accidents, including a little boy who had done exactly the same as DS but his burns were on the other side of his body, he was only a month older, did it one day before, and they had the same name coincidentally!

Hopefully this will help. . .
I left my first born in the bank. Went and got some money out. Walked out without him. Totally forgot I had a baby. Lost him in Ikea when he was 2. Tripped and dropped his sister when she was 10months (unhurt fortunately). Lost child number three in large shop, knowing he should have been on reins. Can't think of anything for child number four but he has three older siblings so clearly life was not pain free.
I sound awful but I'm a good mum (honest!!) and so are you. These things happen. Take care of yourself too x

Hopefully this will help. . .
I left my first born in the bank. Went and got some money out. Walked out without him. Totally forgot I had a baby. Lost him in Ikea when he was 2. Tripped and dropped his sister when she was 10months (unhurt fortunately). Lost child number three in large shop, knowing he should have been on reins. Can't think of anything for child number four but he has three older siblings so clearly life was not pain free.
I sound awful but I'm a good mum (honest!!) and so are you. These things happen. Take care of yourself too x

@mummabearfourbabybears

Bless you for some reason your post made me laugh. Of course you're a good mum 🥰

My DS also left the house once, I went for a wee and husband forgot the lift handle up on front door to secure it. I was gone for 1 minute and he left and made it to the road (thank god we don't live on a main road, it's a cul de sac)

I came out of toilet and realised straight away and legged it outside shouting his name and I have no idea how he managed to make it that far but I have NEVER been so scared and relieved at the same time. Jeez you have 4 well done mumma xx

Don't feel bad, it an accident and chances are will be more in years ahead.
Of course you got a fright but not your fault. I've never had stairs gate initially due to stairs in living room and often used step as a seat 😆 so my kids going up and down from young age have had times heart misses a beat if I hear a bang (always a toy dropped/thrown)
Have a cup tea write the story down as in years to come you can look back.
I'm same on phone as I say to kids you watching TV, playing, colouring my interest is 'the news' save everyone by reading it on phone not switching TV

Oh im sorry to hear about your son. Accidents happen, please dont beat yourself up. I'm sure you're a great mother.

Oh you poor thing - I fell down the stairs when I was about 3 and like your DS , I broke my collarbone .

I cannot remember it (I'm 54 now) and your DS will not remember this (and he certainly won't bear you a grudge )

I used to wriggle my arm out of my sling up the front of my dress .
And the only thing that bothered me was I couldn't unwrap a sweet !

I have a bit of a bump on my collarbone otherwise fine .
Children are resilient .

( I felt the same sick feeling as you watching my DD fall off a horse when she was 4 )

I almost fell down the stairs when I was 3ish my mum caught me by the arm and her catching me broke my collar bone. I was delighted as a child looking back at my pics of arm in sling lol dont worry at all things happen!

I think you were just unlucky. Our 2.5 year old goes up and down the stairs without being strictly supervised every single time.