Pregnant , have toddler, “boyfriend” out all night

[Karorev]

I’m from the US I just like this forum better

It’s 4 of July weekend here so fireworks are cancelled from covid but there’s still lots of ppl out and doing things, probably parties etc

My 14 month olds father and I have been broken up for a year and I had been raising her on my own. I had got pregnant again about 8 months post partum from the one time we even had sex since she was born. Pls don’t judge me on this. What’s done is done, I get enough hate, and That’s not what I’m asking advice for.

Anyway we’ve been trying to work things out again, for our kids, and he’s been staying w me at my moms for a few days. Tonight he went to his friends to talk about getting another job with him, but he went over around 6 and it’s 12:30Am. I am worried about these habits being a problem again, I mean I’m 5 months pregnant w a toddler and I’ve been taking care of her alone all day as usual, but now I’m worried he’s out with a bunch of ppl at his friends, In our 20s so a lot of them don’t take covid serious, it’s Friday night before Fourth of July so I don’t doubt he has a bunch of ppl over, at least his gf, sisters and their friends . I just asked what’s he’s doing and said I hope
He’s not at a party with a bunch of ppl and he said he’s just talking w his friend.

I don’t know what to do. I feel like this is unacceptable and I don’t want him sleeping In all day tomorrow so we can’t function.

Help ??

Hiya, this sounds like a really difficult situation for you. I suppose it comes down to do you think he will be a help or a hindrance in you and your childrens life? Will he put your children's lives first or put them at risk? Will he contribute to your home being happy or filled with arguments? Are you able to commit to loving this person because if you are in a relationship with them, love will need to come from you too- can you sustain it? Lots of questions for you to consider or reconsider because as you say habits can cause problems. Personally I don't think it's unreasonable to be upset with him staying out all night, it sounds really irresponsible. I would definitely have a chat with him and think seriously about a future with him xx

You broke up for a reason- has that gone away?

If he's not actually even helping you, what's to work out

Don’t try to work things out for the kids. That’ll never work. Kids can’t mend a relationship. Why did you break up in the first place?

A lot of reasons!

And yeah I get that. It’s gonna be hard when I get to 7-9 months pregnant taking Care of a toddler by myself. I don’t have much help beside my mom an hour and an hour there she works like 12 hours a day 6 days a week her time off is spent doing errands cleaning sleeping whatever she barely has time to help me and I have no one else here

Well it sounds like he isn’t that interested in helping you anyway. So you might be hoping he does and he doesn’t.

I know. That’s pretty much wahd I’m complaining about. Obv I’d rather just be single if I’m gonna do it alone anyway then be w someone, feel single, and be stressed

Honestly you’re better off binning him. Then you can focus on your toddler and soon to be newborn. You can absolutely do this on your own. He’s just dragging you down and will drag down the children too. 💐

Sadly that’s probably true

Can’t he just be honest? Is this what he was like before, just doing his own thing?

There’s no reason why he can’t see his friends is there, if you planned it beforehand and agreed. Same as you should get time to do your things while he looks after his child.

Or does he just slide out the door, leaving you to get on with it because your mothers there, even though she’s got her life, as she should.

If you can be honest and share family life you’ve got a chance. But please, please, get your contraception sorted out after you give birth. You owe it to yourself and your children.

He doesn’t even have a job right now. Literally was homeless and let him stay with us after he got kicked out of different friends/families homes. That’s why seeing friends and hanging out till 1am isn’t ok with me when he doesn’t even have a job and don’t pay me child support this month so I’ve been stressed and have a lot of other things going on.

Sounds like you’ve got a kind heart, but I can’t believe this man is good for you. If he doesn’t have a job now, any job, then I can’t see how he’s not just a burden to you. Staying out with friends is the least of your issues.

Sounds really hard.

What is the actual point of him ?

He brings nothing to your life

I know thay. And he is a huge burden to me.
Having him share a bedroom w me and my
Daughter is awful enough. He often keeps me up all night making noise, then getting in fights with me over nothing during the day, and darting off leaving whenever I ask him to watch my daughter for 20 mins. When I do ask him to watch her he listens to podcasts and ignores her, or let’s her make huge messes that I then have to clean up. Wakes up with me in the morning fights then leaves, it’s exhausting,
And now no money since he hasn’t sent child support blah blah. It’s definitely been making my life harder.

Goodness it gets worse. Can you just get rid of him? He’s actually making your life harder.

Yeah I know. It would be diff if he helped out w her or helped with anything or paid money but yeah he just makes my life harder at this point I mean I’ll try for a little longer but he’s all just such a grumpy. Negative person I can’t be around him today ugh

I think you’re being used, he’s actually damaging the quality of your life. How’s it going to be with you, your daughter and a baby in the room?

He’s got to go, really. He’s no good for you or your children. Your poor mother must be worried sick.

Oh I know . I realize that he may just be using me bc he wanted to work things out after a long time of being absent.. got kicked out of diff friends and families and pretty much has nowhere to go now.. I’m aware of that..

He’s “said” he’s trying to get a landscaping job with his friend for now and I keep asking if he’s gonna start on Monday. He said he wants to rent us out a place by September, but he hasn’t started working yet. So I’m trying to give it a chance and see what happens. Obviously if we’re still at my moms when I have the newborn in probably gonna kick him out bc that’s ridiculous, honestly if he can’t get us a place I’ll probably have to put them in daycare full time and do that in my own bc it’s rly hard living at my
Moms I don’t get along w her husband so I hate being there

"it’s Friday night before Fourth of July so I don’t doubt he has a bunch of ppl over, at least his gf sisters and their friends"

Girlfriend?

His friends girlfriend .

Right. You have to work out what your options are to move out of your mum’s without him. How can you do it on your own. He’s a total waste of space and it sounds like your mum’s place isn’t suitable. He’ll be a drain on your money and energy.

@Karorev kick him out right now. You need peace, you need sleep, your children will need the same. He is using you. He does not contribute anything to your life other than you having to feed him, clean after him and support his lifestyle. Get. Rid.

Move on, get ready for the baby so you can enjoy it in peace

Its not even that he brings nothing to your life. He brings loads of negative shit.
Hes annoying, argumentative, unreliable, messy.
He waltzes in, fucks your life up a bit more and does as he pleases. A man child. He doesnt even bring in money. I think youd be better off as a single parent without this dead weight weighing you down.

Yeah true. He took a three hour nap and was awake the entire night till like 5am and woke me up every few hours making a shit ton of noise. Like he stays up on his phone the entire night and went out for. A drive at 2am and was all loud as hell coming back in and eating food and stuff in my room bc it’s my moms house and he can’t sit out in the living room up all night. Have had my sleep disrupted alll night and my Daughters gonna be up in a few hours then he’s gonna Be all grumpy and so am I from getting no sleep it’s just exhausting I’m so tired of it

Sadly yeah. I have no money to do our laundry or diapers/wipes since he didn’t give child support so I have to borrow money from apps on my
Phone and my mom. I keep asking when he’s gonna start working. I told
Him to
Even do odd jobs on Craigslist for
Now,
Apply for food stamps cash assistance and unemployment so at least I can have the money I need to support my daughter but
He thinks
He’s too good for that

Just get rid of him.
Why wouldn’t you. It sounds as though he has no redeeming qualities at all.