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Original poster

Leaving My Baby?!

36 replies

SaraDowns123 · 28/06/2020 10:20

Hi,

I’m currently pregnant with my first child. When the baby is 3 months old, I have to attend a really important work event for 3 nights.

The baby can stay with my partner but I’m concerned that I won’t feel ready or how I’ll manage as I’ll (hopefully) be breastfeeding.

Unfortunately, there’s no option to skip the event So I wondered if anyone could share their experiences of how they coped/felt and any tips for dealing with the breastfeeding issue?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

aimzxd · 28/06/2020 10:29

Try a nature bond pump or similar. I built up a massive freezer supply with it just catching my letdown from the other breast while feeding DS. Try giving baby a bottle at least once a day so LO will be used to it. Some exclusively BF babies wont take a bottle. My DS was given both from the start. By the 3 month mark I'd have loved a night off but lockdown hit so that was that! Enjoy the time to yourself and get a good rest.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 28/06/2020 10:30

As you cant remove a boob and attach it to your partner, I think you have two options.

try to express as much as possible and freeze it so he has a load for the 3 days
formula feed for that period

Either way is going to take bottle feeding, so I would really recommend introducing a bottle early so the baby gets used to it. Some people say it confuses the baby but that hasnt been my experience in a few babies I know. The few that have had a bottle introduced early get used to both and will be fed from boob or bottle with no issue. The babies that have had a bottle introduced a few months down the lie have all been fussy about it.

kennyjenny · 28/06/2020 10:39

Could your partner come with you with the baby and stay in the hotel?

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snowybean · 28/06/2020 12:34

Definitely get your baby used to a bottle before you go! I had to leave baby with DH for a day recently but she didn't take to the bottle so I had to drive home twice (I wasn't far away but I was moving things from one house to another) to feed her before heading back. It was stressful.

Good luck!

Lombriz · 28/06/2020 12:49

For my baby at that age the only thing that would work is if my partner and baby came along. She didn't take bottle and would only fall asleep on someone, most of the time breastfeeding to sleep. At 3m she was still very much in the fourth trimester, I could barely get one hour free. I totally overestimated my ability to do things at that stage! But that said, all babies are different. You will probably know by month 2 what kind you have and decide accordingly!

attillathenun · 28/06/2020 13:21

You need to make sure you introduce a bottle straight away, as PP have said breastfed babies can become bottle refusers (I would know as I have one!). Also hasn’t been mentioned I think but you will need to take a pump with you to stop yourself getting engorged/keep your supply going. I would enquire can you get access to a fridge if you intend to store the expressed milk for use later (otherwise just pump and dump )

GlassHouseYouGlassHouse · 28/06/2020 13:26

When I had to travel for work and LO was that age, DP and the baby came with me and I left them in the hotel. We introduced a bottle once daily from 4 weeks so LO was completely used to it and DP was well used to doing all baby care without me. It'll be fine

Ihaveoflate · 28/06/2020 13:36

A friend of mine ran a yoga retreat for a week in Greece when her baby was a similar age. Her husband was going to go with the baby but they couldn't because the baby wasn't vaccinated (they're in the US). She pumped and stored loads of EBM before she went and had to pump a lot when she was there to maintain her supply/ avoid discomfort. It all worked out fine.

Twizbe · 28/06/2020 13:38

First, you absolutely can refuse to go. If you're still on maternity leave it would count as 3 KIT days and they are 100% optional. If there is any comeback from work for not attending it could count as sex discrimination.

At that age with both of mine I couldn't have left them. My son was a poorly baby and my daughter a bottle refuser. The only option would be husband coming with and staying with me and hanging around with baby so I could feed them.

Chocolateandcarbs · 28/06/2020 13:46

With my second child, I couldn’t have done that at that age without significant problems from not breastfeeding for both of us (she fed a lot so I felt uncomfortable quickly and she has never taken a bottle). My first would take a bottle, but to be honest I would still have been uncomfortable physically and probably emotionally too (that’s just my experience though). Can your husband stay at the hotel too or perhaps you could both get an Airbnb close by? If your baby will take a bottle (one of mine would, the other wouldn’t) then investing in a good breast pump is probably a good idea to keep you comfortable and ensure that your milk supply is unaffected. I hope it all works out for you.

disorganisedsecretsquirrel · 28/06/2020 15:47

I breast and bottle fed from day three. Expressed milk to start with and then in to formulate at 4 months. Did it for all 3 as I didn't have the temperament and also went back to work at 3 months with all of them. So needed their father to play equal part..I didn't have any problems. They all took to it easily .

mindutopia · 28/06/2020 20:46

No, at 3 months, there is no way I'd go away for three nights. With my first (who was ff) I did a day away (back home at bedtime) when she was 3 months. It just isn't realistic unless that's part of your normal routine. If you are on mat leave, your employer can't make your attend anything. Just say no and enjoy your time off.

mindutopia · 28/06/2020 20:47

If there are no other options, just bring your partner and baby with you. Certainly in my field, it's not unusual to see babies in slings coming along to conferences.

MostlyAmbridgeandcoffee · 28/06/2020 20:50

Just plan for your husband to come along too with baby - plenty of time to arrange for that.

CupcakesK · 28/06/2020 21:07

DS is currently 3 months old and I feel I could be away for a whole day, but certainly not 3! And I think I’ve got an ‘easy’ baby.

I can pump enough milk for one extra feed a day currently, so you are going to need to start at least a month in advance to build up a supply. But in addition you will need to do some bottle feeds from about week 6 so your baby doesn’t refuse them - that’s a lot of pumping to do! In short, I think you need to try your baby with a formula feed once a day from early on to ensure they will take it, just in case the pumping doesn’t work out.

You will also need to pump at the conference too, every few hours to keep up your supply. How will feel about that? Will there be adequate facilities to do so?

When I was pregnant I was very naive about what I would accomplish post-partum. Please don’t put pressure on yourself to attend as you may find last minute that you just can’t make it work

ImFree2doasiwant · 28/06/2020 21:09

Take partner with you. I thought I'd be fine leaving my baby, then I had him, and no, I wasn't fine.

bakedcrisps · 28/06/2020 21:11

What is the event? I wouldn’t have been able to do this in a million years.

skylarkdescending · 28/06/2020 21:35

You will need to get baby used to a bottle from early on, and to DH feeding them.

What is the event? At 3 months my baby was feeding every 2-3hrs through the day and night. Are you going to be able to leave the event regularly to express/store milk? Or feed baby if DH is there too? Is it worth going if you will miss most of the event/be in and out.

Can you join digitally (ask a colleague to zoom you or similar?) so you can feed baby when needed from home?

BringMeThatHorizon · 28/06/2020 21:43

If you want to continue breastfeeding it would be difficult to manage. You'll need to pump every time you would feed the baby to keep up your supply. At that age my DS was feeding every 2 or three hours plus a few times overnight, with each feed lasting about 30/40 minutes. Are you going to be able to take that much time out of your work event during the day? Plus you'll need to start pumping really far in advance to get enough milk for the baby if you're not giving formula.

chromeo · 28/06/2020 21:46

Are you going to have enough time to pump every 2/3 hours whilst you're there?

PurpleMystery · 28/06/2020 21:46

At that stage I would only have considered it if my partner and baby had come with me and stayed in the hotel too. We’re all different tho and if you feel happy to go just go and enjoy yourself. If not maybe they can come too

Tootletum · 28/06/2020 21:55

There is no way I could have done that. Even with pumping I'd have got mastitis. One of mine cried continuously when I went to party for two hours at that age. You'll have to see when your baby arrives if it's possible.

ParisianLady · 28/06/2020 21:55

I think it's perfectly feasible to do this, but you will need to get your baby to take a bottle early on. And then you will need to pump whilst you are there. I used a simple handheld pump.

At 3 months they're fairly robust little things and whilst you'll undoubtedly miss them, they'll be fine with your DH.

Plenty of babies are left in similar circumstances and I can't imagine any lasting consequences. We left our first at 8 weeks for an overnight, I pumped a few times and it was fine. We'd been introducing a bottle for a while to get her used to it.

JuneWind · 28/06/2020 22:00

3 days at 3 months old would have been impossible for me and my EBF DD. She was still feeding every couple of hours, sometimes for half an hour or more, and to be perfectly honest, even though my DH did everything to help and care for her, I was her primary source of comfort so she would have been quite distressed to be away from me for that long.

It also didn’t help that even though we tried to introduce bottles of expressed milk from around 3/4 weeks, she point blank refused (and still does at 1 year) to have anything except straight from the breast.

As previously mentioned, you said you have to go, but if you’re still on mat leave there is absolutely no way work can make you go, nor can they hold it against you in any way at all - that would be discrimination.

Please think of an alternative plan if possible as this could potentially cause you a lot of stress if things don’t work out perfectly or could end your breastfeeding journey prematurely.

Good luck with everything!

grumpyone1 · 28/06/2020 22:38

Back in the day. My oldest is 24 years old. Maternity leave I could get from work was 3 months. I was back at work full time. I can confirm my son survived and so did I.
Life with kids is different but don't beat yourself up over it.
You have a lifetime to nurture your children. One weekend does not make or break it.

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