Leaving My Baby?!

[SaraDowns123]

Hi,

I’m currently pregnant with my first child. When the baby is 3 months old, I have to attend a really important work event for 3 nights.

The baby can stay with my partner but I’m concerned that I won’t feel ready or how I’ll manage as I’ll (hopefully) be breastfeeding.

Unfortunately, there’s no option to skip the event So I wondered if anyone could share their experiences of how they coped/felt and any tips for dealing with the breastfeeding issue?

I wouldn't even consider this at that age unless DH and baby were coming with me. 3 full days and nights at 12 weeks old?

Also if you're U.K. based then under the equality act 2010 they have to let a breastfed baby come too and legally can't deny access.

I'd strongly advise not committing fully to this until you've given birth. My baby is 4 months old... I wouldn't even be prepared to leave her a full 24 hours yet and I know that's personal choice. Anyway, good luck

I breastfed and I did express sometimes as I was shy feeding DS in public, so the expressed milk in the bottle was easier but DS refused to take the bottle from 2 months and hasn't touched a bottle since then. So there's no guarantee expressed milk in the freezer then the bottle would work while you are away!

I watched this documentary about post natal depression and about bonding with babies. Basically a lady went away for a few days (hen do I think) and she was breastfeeding but because she was away from her infant and wasn't able to feed, something happened sorry I can't remember in detail the scientific reason behind it but basically her hormone levels changed as she couldn't feed her baby as she was in a different country which pushed her into depression and not being able to bond with her baby. Sorry a mates hen do isn't worth the psychological and physiological effect that it will cause on a long run.

I'm sorry but no event is more important than my infant. I respect people's choices but I wouldn't leave my infant for a hen do nor ehem a tennis match in a different country so I could cheer my mate serena Williams. This is me. Of course people go to work etc but to fly out to a different country or stay away from home for a few nights isn't something that I would do.

I left DD at 3 months for one night to go on a hen do but I wouldn’t do 3 nights, especially not for a work thing when you’re supposed to be on maternity live- even my crappy American leave policy in America gives me 4 months! You really shouldn’t feel obligated to attend.

Sorry I forgot to add- my only advice would be please take your baby and partner with you or someone you trust that could look after your baby while you attend the event but also be in a position where you can easily reach your baby very quickly if needed. Trust me, you will feel much better instead of worrying.

I couldn't have left either of my breastfed babies for this amount of time so it's another vote for partner coming too. You'll be needing to express around the clock if you leave the. baby at home and overnight I imagine would be a nightmare with lots of leaking etc.

I would just make it clear, now, to your employer that baby and DP will be coming too.

Otherwise you will stress about it from now until the day you go- and you’ll put huge amounts of pressure on yourself to get ready to leave the baby.

If they say they can’t, then I suggest you take it up with your union if you have one, or find the relevant equalities act legislation and send it to them, via email, reiterating your request.

If it’s THAT important that you’re there, they’ll find a way to make it work for you.

I went to a 4 day conference when dd was 5-6 months old. Expressed milk in advance, had to keep expressing while I was away. It worked ok but I feel 3 months would have been too young. Certainly not something someone should make you do.

If you are in the UK I'm struggling to believe that your company are being inflexible about you attending this event.

I agree with other posters that if you go your partner and baby go too, and you will have to have breaks to breastfeed or express milk.

I dont think this is very feasible OP.
You don't need this worrying you between now and then. Can your DP and baby go too?
If not I'd just say you cant commit. You're on mat leave and your family come first?
3 nights is a big ask when your baby is so young.
Or is it that you particularly want to attend? In which case you may feel differently after your baby comes. It will depend on whether your baby will take a bottle which no one can know!

I’d plan to take the baby with you (and DH). My EBF DS - 7 months refused a bottle point blank and tbh couldn’t go that long without me.
If the time then comes around and baby takes a bottle and you feel they’d cope you can always go alone.
Your employer must make reasonable adjustments to facilitate breastfeeding - legally.