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Original poster

Father of child - police HELP NEEDED

31 replies

spyninjamum · 25/06/2020 23:10

Hi all,

First time post and what a big one unfortunately

background
child 8, split with father before birth - no real interest until future wife on scene really 4 year ago, i put in place every other weekend ( lives little town 90 miles away) arrangement for while now, and whilst few teething problems, all okay for few years.....

Today, i expressed how hard it is with our child and unsure what to do regarding school work lockdown etc, over text replying to the usual how are they
6 Hours later long came my ex, the future wife and 3 burley officers in riot van at my door for neglect? They did there checks etc which was v upsetting but understandable. All okay with them, and left apologizing for upsetting me and not really seeing the truth in what he had reported.
Police and Ex left. He has continued to harass me via text, non to which i have replied stating a full custody battle will commence

My head has gone, im devasted. Please can please advise me in any way they can, police asking to go through my cupboards to check i have food broke my heart. I dont know what to do next.

I also dont trust him to have "" over on hes time again. No court order or anything just dont trust he will return my child when he says

OP posts:
SunbathingDragon · 25/06/2020 23:14

I’m sorry you went through that.

I think you need to speak to a solicitor (you should be able to get some free advice) or CAB and prepare for mediation or ultimately going to court.

Is he on the birth certificate?

SillyCow6 · 25/06/2020 23:14

I dont have any advice but I didnt want to read and run. That must have been scary and really upsetting for you both. Is dc upset? Are you still shaken up?

Hopefully someone will be along soon with good advice on what to do next

peachgreen · 25/06/2020 23:14

Without knowing what you said in your text it's hard to know if he was overreacting or not. I guess he's entitled to check if he's worried for the welfare of his child. But now that the police have done their checks and they're satisfied, hopefully that will be the end of it.

It all seems to have blown up out of nowhere if things have been amicable before. What do you mean when you say he's harassed you by text? Keep all the messages.

RoomForMore · 25/06/2020 23:16

Sounds like you've been through a terrible ordeal, and an unexpected one at that. Don't send your child on the next contact, and just send a short message to say that due to recent events you're seeking legal advice on how to proceed. Try not to engage with him. And seek legal advice!

justanotherneighinparadise · 25/06/2020 23:17

What the hell did he say to the police to get that kind of reaction?!!! That’s bizarre.

MagentaRocks · 25/06/2020 23:20

It is normal for police to check there is food/heating etc if they receive a report of neglect. They apologised and could see what was reported wasn’t true which will be reflected in their report.

If he is harassing you by text make sure you keep the texts - if it is over WhatsApp screenshot them so he can’t delete. You can ask him to not contact you and if he continues you can report him for harassment.

Get some legal advice about his contact with your child.

TheFoz · 25/06/2020 23:24

Make a report to the police yourself because of his harassment.
It seems a very over the top reaction from him and police.

Original poster
spyninjamum · 25/06/2020 23:31

Thank you so much for the responses, honestly means sp much just speaking to someone about this

He is on birth cert of course, and the texts were how the child has changed with age, over last few months and more recently lockdown /no school,, behavior is questionable and that i had no idea what to do next, expecting little support, i dont know, just didnt expect the twist of words and to have them at my door checking for food in my cupboard.
Love to all xxxx

OP posts:
calllaaalllaaammma · 25/06/2020 23:32

I wouldn't send your son to the next contact and make him go to court to get access from now on.
He's lost the right to an informal friendly relationship by attacking you like this.
Block his number and see a solicitor.

gottastopeatingchocolate · 25/06/2020 23:32

If things have worked well with EOW so far, and this has come out of nowhere, maybe take a breath or many before acting any further.

Is he supposed to have contact this weekend? What makes you feel that he may not return them?

What harassment have you had from him since the police left? Was it you that said there will be a custody battle?

Is there any way that this over reaction is a miscommunication and that he misread your text? Do you think if you had a little space to process you might all calm down and return to the status quo?

I would not recommend Family Court to anyone if it can amicably be avoided, but if there are genuine fears that children will not be returned from contact then you need a Child Arrangements Order put in place.

Dougalthesyrianhamster · 25/06/2020 23:42

It sounds like he's sowing seeds before keeping your child.
"I was SO concerned for my child that I had to have the Police do a Welfare Check your honour. I simply didn't feel I could return them to their mother's care"

Bingo. He then has the child until you manage to get an emergency court hearing. At which this line is spewed out. Consequently, the Judge would then say "Leave the child where they are (with him) pending a CAFCASS report on living conditions at both homes" - By the time that is done (especially with the pandemic), the child will be 'settled' and the courts will be less likely to move them back.

He wins and pays substantially less Solicitor's fees than a standard Custody Battle, and you look like a neglectful mother and get minimum contact....

Nope, contact from now on.

Original poster
spyninjamum · 25/06/2020 23:43

@calllaaalllaaammma

I wouldn't send your son to the next contact and make him go to court to get access from now on. He's lost the right to an informal friendly relationship by attacking you like this. Block his number and see a solicitor.
He really has the trust has gone, in the mist of angry text to me after the police went was, DC is going to ex's house a week, 2 week and a month within minutes.

Absolutly not

OP posts:
Dougalthesyrianhamster · 25/06/2020 23:44

*Nope, NO contact from now on.

Honestly, if you give him contact this weekend or whenever, he will not return your child. Then will be spouting that rubbish in the emergency hearing. I've seen it all before

Whathewhatnow · 25/06/2020 23:50

Horrible.

This sounds like a very uncharacteristic police response to a report of potential neglect. Did I misunderstand or did you say the father came along with the police?? That is not normal, surely??

Either way, do not ever, ever text this person with parenting dilemmas again. Do it your own way. Seek support elsewhere, not from this dickwad who wants to play the caring father to the new fiancee.

Original poster
spyninjamum · 25/06/2020 23:55

@Dougalthesyrianhamster

It sounds like he's sowing seeds before keeping your child. "I was SO concerned for my child that I had to have the Police do a Welfare Check your honour. I simply didn't feel I could return them to their mother's care"

Bingo. He then has the child until you manage to get an emergency court hearing. At which this line is spewed out. Consequently, the Judge would then say "Leave the child where they are (with him) pending a CAFCASS report on living conditions at both homes" - By the time that is done (especially with the pandemic), the child will be 'settled' and the courts will be less likely to move them back.

He wins and pays substantially less Solicitor's fees than a standard Custody Battle, and you look like a neglectful mother and get minimum contact....

Nope, contact from now on.

Over my cold body THAT BS will happen
OP posts:
indemMUND · 25/06/2020 23:55

Don't block yet. Screenshot everything. Do not hand child over for contact. Stay silent, don't answer calls or texts and let him take it to court. Screenshot everything you receive from him. He's trying to play dirty, give him enough rope to hang himself with. If he bothers to take it to court you'll have evidence of the vitriol he's spewed at you in the meantime that you can present to defend yourself.

Original poster
spyninjamum · 26/06/2020 00:01

So, next friday will be the day he collects. due to the constant custody bs texts he is blocked and my child wont be attending, if i put my child in a safe place will the police make me get them and have to go to 'dads'?

No court order at all just normally every other but with the virus once in last 3 months.
Child will be on a sleepover
he took my phone he has paid for since we were together i havent arranged times

OP posts:
Original poster
spyninjamum · 26/06/2020 00:03

@Whathewhatnow

Horrible.

This sounds like a very uncharacteristic police response to a report of potential neglect. Did I misunderstand or did you say the father came along with the police?? That is not normal, surely??

Either way, do not ever, ever text this person with parenting dilemmas again. Do it your own way. Seek support elsewhere, not from this dickwad who wants to play the caring father to the new fiancee.

He was prob around the corner lol waiting,,, safe in the car

Just appeared like batman all of them

OP posts:
Whathewhatnow · 26/06/2020 00:04

The police cannot intervene to make your child attend non-court-ordered contact, if you are in England?
You need legal advice, and pronto. Lawyer up lass.

Original poster
spyninjamum · 26/06/2020 00:12

Thanks ladies

OP posts:
Original poster
spyninjamum · 26/06/2020 00:15

@Whathewhatnow

The police cannot intervene to make your child attend non-court-ordered contact, if you are in England? You need legal advice, and pronto. Lawyer up lass.
I intend too xxxx
OP posts:
Fatted · 26/06/2020 00:15

Are you in England? I'm very surprised by the police response and I'm even more surprised by the fact that he was there with them. That is not standard practice by any stretch of the imagination over just a misunderstanding. The police also don't get involved in sorting out custody disputes when there is no court order.

Dougalthesyrianhamster · 26/06/2020 00:15

@spyninjamum Regarding the sleepover. Just to check - Child's Dad doesn't know the parent who your child is staying with, does he??

june2007 · 26/06/2020 00:19

Sounds odd police would not attend unless he reported child was in immediate danger and sure SW would have attended or contacted you. If you don,t let him see the child and he goes to ss saying that he had felt the need to call the police and now your blocking him that won,t look good. Even if your in the right.

Bionical89 · 26/06/2020 00:24

If I were you love, I wouldn't be sending your child there for the next visit. He's plotting something. You brought up your childs behaviour with his other parent (totally normal and healthy) and he responded by getting the police? Yeah that's OTT!

I'm not sure what else to advise other than don't send your child for the next visit and express that you have fears your child won't be returned if you do allow a visit. Perhaps speak to a solicitor?