Can't cope with my toddlers

[legalseagull]

I'm not coping. I'm hiding in a room crying whilst My 2yo and 1yo are downstairs screaming. Older one a tantrum. Younger just cries all the fucking time and it's breaking me. Youngest has just become the most exhausting baby. Hasn't slept through in months. I love them so much but I just want to run away and scream. I can't do it I can't do it I can't do it. Potty training the eldest. Youngest will not leave me alone. Constantly stuck to my legs. I just want to kick him off. Just leave me alone. God this is so fucking shit. Tell me it gets easier?!?!?!

Just sit and breathe. Of course it does get physically easier. But where is your partner? Do you have a parent or sibling that can help out? Can you afford to pay for a childminder? Do not think you need to tough it out - ASK for help!

I feel your pain OP, I have two toddlers same age and it's hard! You can do it it you just need a breather.

Where do they usually play? I was having nightmares so we now have all toys up in the bedroom with a baby gate on the bedroom door, this helps for when I am cooking, cleaning, hanging washing and so on so that I don't keep panicking if they are going to get hurt or fall out of a window for example.

It will get easier x

No family. All at least two hours away. Thank god for this new annoucement that we can see them soon as I've had enough. DH is working but will be finished soon. I feel like the worst parent in the world as I keep screaming at them to shut up. I just can't stand any more whinging and climbing up me. I need some quiet and space. I don't want to be 'shouty mum'

@iwilltaketwoplease

I feel your pain OP, I have two toddlers same age and it's hard! You can do it it you just need a breather.

Where do they usually play? I was having nightmares so we now have all toys up in the bedroom with a baby gate on the bedroom door, this helps for when I am cooking, cleaning, hanging washing and so on so that I don't keep panicking if they are going to get hurt or fall out of a window for example.

It will get easier x

If I locked them upstairs the youngest would go bat shit mental. I can't leave his sight

I also have a 2yr old and a 1yr old. My 1yr old has never slept through the night.

Can you just stick the TV on for them for a bit so everyone calms down? Then dinner, bath, bed!

I have a 3.5 yr old with ASD and an 18 month old who has never slept through. It’s ridiculously fucking hard. I’m also toilet training my eldest and it adds an extra layer of stress.

What I’ve accepted is that you can’t get rid of the stress. All I can do is try to deal with it as calmly as I can.

I try the following cope by resetting after bedtime:

• progressive muscle relaxation
• yoga

I’ve started reading about self compassion. I think this might really help.

Making sure I get some time to myself my dh not working.

I try mindful breathing to cope during times when they’re both screaming at me.

I use the telly when I start to feel I’m losing it.

Sometimes I put them both in the car and we go for a drive so I can reset.

Basically it’s really fucking hard. All you can do is find ways to cope while there is no real access to child care. It’s time limited remember. It will get better.

I've been like you for days now where I'm actually exhausted. All I want to do is sleep and hide under the covers. Right now I'm counting the minutes for his bedtime. Take each day at a time. Today is our wedding anniversary and I haven't washed my hair for 4 days and wearing tracksuits. I just don't want to do anything. Try to take naps with them as it will help you.

Thanks everyone. I've shoved the gruffallo on telly. Sod bath time. I'm mentally planning the wine and takeaway I'm going to get tonight. It's just so bloody relentless. I need to find better coping mechanisms as swearing and crying at breaking point isn't good for anyone. I need to get him sleeping through too. Exhaustion makes everything so much harder.

I like the yoga idea. I loved yoga years ago. Right now the second they nap I fall asleep on the sofa for an hour then get woken up by crying and start all over again for the afternoon. I haven't even had lunch in about a week. I need to sort myself out and get a grip. People have it far worse

I tried to potty train my 2 year old. I failed. I’ll try again later. My eldest was 3 before he was fully potty trained so it’s not something to worry about.

My 2 year old watches Julia Donaldson programmes a lot. For some reason they hold her attention but when you find something they like just keep playing it. We all need a break.

I also find toddlers are better outside. Everything is interesting then. I spend a lot of time in the garden!

@Newbiehere123

I've been like you for days now where I'm actually exhausted. All I want to do is sleep and hide under the covers. Right now I'm counting the minutes for his bedtime. Take each day at a time. Today is our wedding anniversary and I haven't washed my hair for 4 days and wearing tracksuits. I just don't want to do anything. Try to take naps with them as it will help you.

You sound exactly like me right now. I'm covered in snot and have a scruffy high pony. I just CBA. Sorry your anniversary is a write off. Order a pizza and drink wine with a film?

I found the part between 1 and 3 the worst! They can't communicate properly - but they're mobile! Lots of screen time in this current situation is fine! Have you an outdoor area where they can run about safely and let off steam?

Currently sitting with head in hands whilst 2 year old screams blue murder after refusing to have a bath, protest weeing on the floor (again) and I'm watching the baby monitor praying my 4 month old sleeps tonight (currently in sleep regression). This lockdown has been so fucking hard

You need to be kinder to yourself! There’s always people worse off but that doesn’t stop it being shit for you. It is really hard and stressful.

I do yoga with Adriene on you tube. She’s great.

Please look into self compassion too. I think it might really help. Kristin Neff (I think that’s spelt right) is the expert in the field.

Some people will probably disagree with this, but have you considered ear plugs or head phones? Obviously while you are in the room with them supervising, but even just to cancel out the noise a bit.

Can you not introduce cocktail hour? juice and crisps for them ‘likewise’ for you

Haha! This cheered me up! I could have wrote that word for word. That's how I am near every second day. It's hard work alright. I often feel the urge to open the window and scream out of it. This might not be your thing, but I try and read some parenting books once everyone is in bed, only 10 minutes or so. It seems to give me a fresh batch of motivation for the next day. Like a pep talk.

Remember - it WILL get better!

@legalseagull I've ordered a pizza now and about to put him to sleep in 15 mins and will crack open the bottle. I think this lockdown has had an impact on our appearance lol . I've just finally had a shower now and put my hair in a bun where it will dry and stay like that for another few days

Sorry that lots of you are going through the same - but also sort of happy because it makes me feel more normal! So thank you for sharing. I've now got a bottle of wine on the go and a disgustingly large Chinese, so life is looking better - until tomorrow 😂

@SidSparrow

Haha! This cheered me up! I could have wrote that word for word. That's how I am near every second day. It's hard work alright. I often feel the urge to open the window and scream out of it. This might not be your thing, but I try and read some parenting books once everyone is in bed, only 10 minutes or so. It seems to give me a fresh batch of motivation for the next day. Like a pep talk.

Remember - it WILL get better!

I've just finished horrah for gin. I'm not sure if that's the sort of book you mean though haha

God this brings me back. Hang in there op. Mine are 4&5 now and just play together constantly.

@Mamette

God this brings me back. Hang in there op. Mine are 4&5 now and just play together constantly.

When did it get easier? Mine are 30 months and 15, so the correct answer is 31 and 16

We are surviving on screen time in our household. It's only temporary, they'll be fine!
Enjoy your Chinese and wine, and btw your rug is lovely 😊

I'm not sure that it does get much worse than lockdown with toddlers- they are bored, don't understand what's going on, no access to normal areas of support (family, friends, classes, playgrounds etc). It isn't a contest but toddlers are relentless at the best of times, let alone now.

Enjoy your takeaway

I’ve got one nearly 3 year old and I’m 33 weeks pregnant. I drive him round until he falls asleep in the afternoon then sit in the car and read.
In the evening we lay on the bed and he watches kid YouTube. I’m doing whatever it takes to get through it.

😂 I’d say 36m and 19mo, although maybe because of morning nursery starting for the elder one at that point 😬

Agree your rug is lovely. And impressively clean!