Can't cope with my toddlers

[legalseagull]

I'm not coping. I'm hiding in a room crying whilst My 2yo and 1yo are downstairs screaming. Older one a tantrum. Younger just cries all the fucking time and it's breaking me. Youngest has just become the most exhausting baby. Hasn't slept through in months. I love them so much but I just want to run away and scream. I can't do it I can't do it I can't do it. Potty training the eldest. Youngest will not leave me alone. Constantly stuck to my legs. I just want to kick him off. Just leave me alone. God this is so fucking shit. Tell me it gets easier?!?!?!

It got easier at age 3 in my experience OP, so you haven't got long to go with the older one!

Also 16 months is just the hardest age, fully mobile but can't understand anything and every time you turn your back they try and do something totally bonkers like stick their hand in the toaster or climb out of the window.

My older one is less of a handful now but foolishly I decided to have another fairly recently, so I've got to go through it all again

I'm so glad I found this post today, I've been struggling so much with 3yo and 3 month old to the point I feel like I might slip into depression. Everyday is just relentless, thankless and so fucking stressful. If it not the guilt that I'm not doing enough it's the worry that this is my life forever. I love my children so much but sometimes I look around at other mums in the park and wonder why they look like they are sailing through motherhood.

Thank you for your honesty I makes me realise I'm not alone x

@Dotdotlineline

I'm so glad I found this post today, I've been struggling so much with 3yo and 3 month old to the point I feel like I might slip into depression. Everyday is just relentless, thankless and so fucking stressful. If it not the guilt that I'm not doing enough it's the worry that this is my life forever. I love my children so much but sometimes I look around at other mums in the park and wonder why they look like they are sailing through motherhood.

Thank you for your honesty I makes me realise I'm not alone x

God when I take them out I probably look like I have my shit together too. I have snacks and drinks and I'm not shouting - Don't be fooled! It's infinitely harder at home I find. I'm actually worried the neighbours will hear the madness. I'm glad to hear I'm not alone too. The guilt is horrendous. I shout at them then cry because their gorgeous little faces deserve more patience.

I had 2 under 2 for a while and it was hell on earth but now they're 7&9 it's all a distant memory! I remember it started to get easier for me when the eldest was more able to sort himself out (for example when he could feed himself without making a mess and could dress/undress himself and was potty trained), so when he was 3 and the youngest was 1-2.

I had a few ways of coping:

Make a pack-up for the following day's lunch for all of you so you're not trying to cook twice a day with kids hanging around your feet. Also, you have something there ready to eat so you're not running on empty.

Don't bother with housework apart from the bare minimum.

Ask for help from whoever is available.

A double buggy and getting out most days.

Lots and lots of chocolate.

You post was me last year. I actually lost my mind (combination of pnd and children 18 months apart!!). It was a really dark time.

Anyway they are now 3years 2 months and 20 months and life is soooo much easier. It changed dramatically when the youngest started sleeping through at 16 months. They now play/fight together but can amuse themselves quite well or at the very least not injure themselves!

@Postmanbear

You post was me last year. I actually lost my mind (combination of pnd and children 18 months apart!!). It was a really dark time.

Anyway they are now 3years 2 months and 20 months and life is soooo much easier. It changed dramatically when the youngest started sleeping through at 16 months. They now play/fight together but can amuse themselves quite well or at the very least not injure themselves!

This gives me hope as it's not too far off. Thank you.

It is hard OP I've had days were I've snapped at my two and had thoughts I could give them up I wouldn't ever I love them with all my heart but I've been pushed over the edge some days.

My DS is 3 years old with suspected Autism we are in the process of getting him assessed.
My DD is 15 months old and into everything climbing up on things standing on things she is a little more calmer at the moment than her big brother.
My neighbours must really love us at the moment with all the shouting and screaming.
My DH bless is working but he's doing the best he can to help with our children when he's home.
We also live away from our families I haven't seen my parents for months now and it's hard going.
My DS use to go to pre school nursery before lockdown and that helped massively we've been told he can now start back next week for one day so that will help.

I try and take them out once or twice a day for walks we have a buggy board so my DS stands on that with DD in the pram and that has made things so much better in terms of us being able to get out more when DH is at work it means we aren't stuck inside all day.

I will admit the tv is on more than ever to keep them both happy they have access to all their toys the living room looks like a bomb has gone off but I've stopped cleaning up until the end of day now as they both just like to keep pulling toys back out or knocking them all over the floor.

Oh and one major thing that's helped is both me and DH have time alone to exercise or do what we want and it helps to just recharge the batteries and have alone time where your not mum or dad.

I think when we have our family support taken away it makes things so much harder and with not being able to see friends or family for time out it does wear you down quicker but don't think your a bad mum OP it's bloody hard going and no one is the perfect parent despite what bullshit they may spout

I’ve been there. It’s an awful place to be. I read the Philippa Perry parenting book and that helped me try some new tactics. Also, know your limits. If you’re gettin to the lose it stage, just put the tv on. Or get out the house. Mine are 2 and 4 now and it’s a lot easier. They chat to each other and play. It’s very cute

I have a 27 month old... I thought lockdown was the perfect time to potty train.... We have now given up on that. It is so hard when you can't go anywhere or tire them out at the playground or soft play. Ds also decided to drop his nap at the beginning of lockdown.
I'm guilty to say paw patrol and the snail and the whale have saved my sanity many a time recently! Otherwise he is my sticking plaster. Which is lovely but challenging while trying to make dinner or just go to the bathroom on my own! 🙈

You need help. Can you pay a local teenager to come by for a couple of hrs a few times a week and play with them? Is there a childcare college nearby where there are students looking for work?

@Boredbumhead

You need help. Can you pay a local teenager to come by for a couple of hrs a few times a week and play with them? Is there a childcare college nearby where there are students looking for work?

Unfortunately not but with this new announcement of being able to go to houses the end is hopefully in sight - the end of not having any break at least. We've already planned to go up to my mums so we get a change of scene and she can babysit giving us a break. Just getting away from the kids for a few hours would be a tonic. I'm just caught in a cycle and being stressed, snapping then feeling guilty. Something has to change

Yes you have to get a break in order to Recharge. @legalseagull.

Also try the homeopathic remedy sepia for burned out mothers! I've just taken some myself!