How has your life changed since becoming a parent?

[Kelcat9494]

Hello,

I'm eight weeks pregnant and a lot of people seem to feel the need to tell me I've ruined my life and I'll never sleep or do anything I enjoy again which is giving me a massive amount of anxiety to the point I don't know if I want a baby so I thought I'd ask, how has you life changed? Please include the good, the bad and the ugly

Thank you

X

It's changed beyond recognition. I've never known tiredness like this. But on the other hand I never knew joy and love like this either. Enjoy your baby and ignore the negative comments. I've never regretted it, although there have been difficult moments x

And fwiw one of my dc slept pretty much all the time as a newborn and had never woken me at night except for being ill since she was about 10 weeks old. You may have one of these, they do exist!

• has not had

I wouldn't not have done it, but everything has changed!

Yes having a baby is life changing, that’s a given.

Good points, you will never know live like it. The amount of cuteness is mind blowing.
When they get older they say suck funny things.
They are just a joy really.

Bad points, some babies are good and sleep isn’t a issue, some not so good so tiring.
It doesn’t hit you how hard actually being a parent is until you are already one.
Not being able to do simple things without it being a huge faff!

Tips: Don’t get caught in the net thinking that you are only a good parent if you cook, clean and are by your baby’s side 24/7, go out and do things just you or you and your partner too, it will just make you feel better knowing you had a bit of a life too whilst your child was young rather than not.

Ugh I hate that people say that. Sorry they are trying to ruin what should be an exciting time.

Yes - my life has changed since having DS. For the first year, I barely slept. I felt very lonely at times while on mat leave. But I've also never felt love and happiness like I do now.

Life is currently (lockdown aside) a bit dictated by his naps/bedtime, but you figure out how to do what you can. While I would never wish away his nap time (the only time I can do any housework!) I do look forward to being able to go out for the whole day or go out for lunch, etc.

DH and I love to travel. No, we've not been able to do as much as we would since having DS. But I can't wait to travel with DS when he's a bit older.

Life is different. But I wouldn't change it for anything

It's fun!! You get to enjoy places you've never been before. Picnics become a thing.

You're own kids are hilarious. And super cute.

I felt like you right up until the very end and one day I said to my husband 'what have we done' he was shitting it thinking I didnt want a baby. We were trying for 2 years before getting a bit of help but fell pregnant naturally but it still was a massive shock. We both said we were not desperate for babies but if it happened it happened. I had a rough pregnancy and was in and out of hospital with hyperemesis and almost considered a termination I felt that I'll. I'm so glad I didnt.

Its damn hard and my god people dont warn you enough for the sleepless nights which I have all the time and baby is 17 weeks old today. I can really understand how people can shake their babies. I would never do this obviously before I get roasted but the frustration you get when they wont sleep is massive. But when I wake up in the morning and listen to him wittering besides me and I look over at him and he smiles WOW that feeling is the best. Makes you not care about the bad stuff. I'd be up all night with him if it meant he had a good sleep and was safe.

Watching him hit milestones is amazing. Hes so clever. I cannot believe that I made him and he belongs to me. A bunch of cells became this perfect little baby.

We had a great life before. Good jobs, New cars and fancy holidays but I would give that up in a heartbeat.

These feelings are completely normal I would say.

Just going to wash my eyes - got all emotional x

Yup, babies are very much like a wrecking ball through your life.

Ive found the good points are seeing all the lovely developmental milestones they reach. Their smiles are the best.

The bad points are lack of sleep (people arent lying). I found the newborn phase f*$&ing horrendous. I also found the lack of communication really hard, because you dont really know whats wrong for sure. Sometimes you never get to the bottom of the issue and you have a really grumpy baby for a while.

You dont HAVE to enjoy babies particularly; I dont. I think mat leave is really quite boring. Im looking forward to the days where I can do a bit more with my son.

Absolutely everything has changed. And it's wonderful. I have a lot less time, sleep and money but I can't remember what I liked about those things anyway, or remember a time before this awesome destruct-o-gremlin began terrorising my life. She's under the kitchen table right now shouting at her lunch and destroying the floor, and it's hilarious and wonderful.

To be honest I’ve found it really difficult. He’s so wonderful and funny and cute but it’s really tough. DS is 2 now and we get to have fun but I do get so frustrated at how everything is a mammoth task when you have a toddler in tow. I’m not the most patient person so I do struggle a bit. I’m an introvert so being alone means I can recharge but this obviously doesn’t happen much with a baby or toddler so I’m looking forward to DS becoming a bit more independent.

I'm emotional, anxious, feel guilty but on the flip side I feel so lucky and happy that these little people are mine to love forever.

My life, and even myself, are pretty much unrecognisable from the what I had before.

The love is a love you have never experienced before. But because the love is so overwhelmingly strong it comes with deep fear too, that something might happen to them, that they might not be happy. Therefore I don’t think I will ever truly relax again... I read something once that said it’s like your heart walking around outside your body, and that describes it so well for me.

They are hilarious and adorable but also relentless and exhausting. For me it gets better and better each month they get older. I can’t relate at all to the people who say ‘stop growing up! Stay tiny forever’ about their newborn babies... For me newborns are hard work and fairly boring.

I’m very glad I had plenty of carefree time in my twenties, I travelled, I partied, I did all the things I wanted to do. So I’m ready for this phase now. If I wasn’t I might resent it.

I'm so much happier! However I admit that I had depression as we struggled to conceive and I thought I would never become a Mam.
People love to give you horror stories and how hard it is!
It does change your life but for the better!
Yes you have sleepless nights but when you see their little face you just want to help them.
Every baby is different done babies are better sleepers than other. You just learn as you go along!
Enjoy your pregnancy and your little one 😊 xx

I am so tired. The tiredness is not a lie but you might be lucky and have a baby who sleeps well.

Also, I am so overwhelmed with love that I don't care how tired I am. I don't care that DD grabs my glasses from my face or cries just as I sit down for five mins or needs constant watching so she doesn't eat the top of the clematis that I'm potting while she lies next to me in the garden. She is the highlight of my life - she's funny and engaging and just perfect and she's only six months old.

My life is changed and unrecognizable from pre pregnancy and it is an absolute joy and privilege to be sharing it with her.

I don't know if the besottedness wears off but having her is better than every good moment I had ever experienced before having her combined. And I've had some real highlights.

Good luck OP. It is absolutely worth all the bad things they warn you about

Agree with PPs but keep in mind OP that once you have a baby you really don't stop to compare what's changed

Ds is nearly 2 now and is everything to me. I absolutely adore him and feel so lucky to be his mum. We have lots of fun together.

There are tough days and nights but it's really not worth worrying about that because until you're a parent you can't imagine it. I'm not trying to be negative - it's just that it's hard to explain. Ds has been in a and e twice and unless you're a parent yourself then I can't explain the worry and anxiety to you. It's just something that goes hand in hand with the indescribable love.

Having a baby changes a relationship/ marriage massively and we don't have as much time or energy for each other now. I wouldn't change a thing though and it's amazing to see my fiancé and ds' bond.

Good luck op, i wish you all the best.

I no longer do most of the hobbies or socialising I did before having a child.

1. This was only because of actual exhaustion/healing/feeding etc for a few months.
2. The fact that someone always has to be close to the baby is a big logistical change as even if the baby/child goes to sleep in the early evening, you still can't go out without someone else actively taking over the watching as they are in their bedroom so you are tethered nearby - if you have a partner you can go out without them to do things but it stops being a default assumption of freedom.
3. I didn't get a brain wipe, I still like all the things I used to like, but I just liked the baby more - it was like getting a new really exciting, absorbing hobby so I was choosing to spend time doing that instead of the old-hat things.
4. Having said that, the first months/years are taken up so entirely by doing 'baby' 24/7 that it becomes easier to make small talk with others in the same reality than people without babies or toddlers at that moment - it is lovely to have some adult conversation but you either end up deliberately not mentioning the baby at all (which feels a bit weird and denying) or finding it hard to convey the experience/being irritated by babysplaining from people who only have a cat, etc.
5. In addition to the actual childcare there are also billions of possible related 'interests' that hoover up baby-free time, people can spend 100s of hours collecting cloth nappies or trying out weaning recipes or writing children's stories or accidentally learning the names of every single character on CBeebies or reading Mumsnet etc etc etc

The good: seeing my lo develop, learning new words, have her snuggle into me, making new parent friends, her being so darn cute haha
The bad: Constant tiredness, poonamis, not getting time to ourselves, limited in what we can do and how far we can go because of the toddler, losing touch with friends
The ugly: Awful toddler tantrums. Difficulty getting her to sleep at night, Total loss of identity in the transition from being Snowdrop to Mummy Snowdrop, I really struggled with that and feeling like I was nothing but a milking cow for a long time!

Overall I do love being her mum, I just wish she would go to sleep without a fight every night!

I had a lovely life before, and its a lovely life now. I think I would have been happy either way in all honestly.

DD (3) is a joy. I didn't enjoy the newborn bit, felt like our lovely, calm, peaceful life had been ruined. Luckily, she became a good sleeper, and we had a decent routine going, which really helped things.

Its changed in that we have very, very little (no) time to relax or to ourselves, unless DD is in bed, which is just before 8pm, and then we are shattered! I do miss reading a book in the garden, or going for a quiet walk & pub lunch!

However, I love watching DD learn and develop, and this age is brilliant as she is so full of personality. I have reduced my working hours to one day a week since having DD, so (pre lockdown) our weekdays were filled with lovely days to the park / woods / seeing friends / the odd class here & there. Lots of fun!

I hate it when people say this. It's a huge huge adjustment. Can't put yourself first anymore. But it's also the most amazing thing. The joy you feel when your child smiles at you, cuddles, basically does anything is so intense.

My social life has just changed. When my son was a small baby I went to the cinema with him every week, tons of fun classes and activities... Now he's 18 months I go the park a lot and watch him play around.

I'm really happy. I wish people wouldn't be so negative.

I have 2 dc: a 3yo and an 8mo. I wouldn't change it for the world. I love them to bits. My life has changed, yes. But I see it for the better now. There is nowhere I'd rather be than with my little family. I don't really miss my pre-children life. Don't get me wrong - I'm glad I travelled, had a busy social life, focussed on myself for those years and I look back on that time fondly. But I wouldn't want to go back and nor do I regret my children. I would say even my relationship with DH is stronger now: we are a great team. There are definitely hard bits to parenting but they are far outweighed by the positives. That's my experience anyway!

Not being able to nip to the shop at your convenience takes some getting used to, if at all 😂

Nobody should be making you feel bad about being pregnant. However, in some ways it is useful to be prepped for some of the really tough bits, otherwise you’ll feel like you’re doing it wrong.

I know everyone else has already said it, but it can’t be said enough. SLEEP DEPRIVATION. Dear God, the early weeks are tough. Small babies have tiny tummies, so need to feed frequently, and that can be horrific. Sure, some do sleep really well, but let’s face it they’re in the minority. The odds are you’re going to face some really tough nights, and it could go on quite a while. We had 2 years of broken nights with DD (sever obstructive sleep apnoea that required surgery to correct). Trying to have a normal life while going through that was insanely tough.

Leaving the house on time can be tough. It takes a while to adjust to the fact that you now have a chaotic being that you are responsible for, and they don’t get themselves ready for anything. For YEARS.

Generally, there’s a bit more guilt when you mess something up. In pre-DD days, if I forgot to buy milk, it’d be no big deal. One of us would go out to the shops, or if they were shut we’d just do without till tomorrow. Now I’d feel totally rubbish if DD didn’t have her cup of milk before bath time.

You come second in almost everything. You need the loo desperately, but so does your 3 year old - you wait. There’s only one biscuit left - it won’t be you that gets it! Each thing is tiny, but in total you can feel your needs aren’t met.

Is it worth it? Yes, I think so. Doing it again in a few months! I think some people don’t find it worth it, and I wish there was more discussion about the tough side of parenting, especially when they are tiny. Some people probably do regret it, but feel they can’t say anything. For me, it’s worth it because of the many wonderful moments that come with it. There’s nothing better than when you get home and your child looks up at you like you made their day by walking through the door. Watching them grow and learn is amazing, it’s incredible how quickly their personality turns up and blossoms. You also enter a whole new world of other parents - you meet people through baby groups and when I walk through my village now it feels like every other person says hi, I feel more involved in my community than I ever did before.

You haven’t ruined your life, but you have chosen to change it. Poor sleep doesn’t last forever. The memories that you build with your child do. If you have interests you want to pursue, you can, but they will have to take a back seat for a while. The nappy years are not forever!