How has your life changed since becoming a parent?

[Kelcat9494]

Hello,

I'm eight weeks pregnant and a lot of people seem to feel the need to tell me I've ruined my life and I'll never sleep or do anything I enjoy again which is giving me a massive amount of anxiety to the point I don't know if I want a baby so I thought I'd ask, how has you life changed? Please include the good, the bad and the ugly

Thank you

X

I've not slept through the night in a loooong time. I found the newborn stage awful and wondered what the hell I'd done for quite a while (probably 6 months if I'm honest). Hes now not quite two and i think he is the best thing ever! Toddlers are the best. Funny, independent, frustrating little creatures but it regularly blows me away just how much I love him and how incredible he is!

I hate motherhood. I hated being pregnant, but this is worse. I have a 3.5 year old, who didn't sleep through until she was nearly 3. (At 2 she was still waking ever 3-4 hours).

I've lost all of my hobbies as I no longer have the time, so I've lost most of my friendships. I'm deeply resentful of my child and although she can be sweet, I hate my life now and would turn the clock back in a heartbeat if I could.

This probably isn't what you want to hear. Others will probably see me as a horrible parent, but there are very few places where I can express this.

My kids are teens. Emotionally this is the hardest time. They are not quite adults, but think they know better than you. You pay for everything, but they seem to think it's never enough. But they are also wonderful, loving, kind human beings.
Babies may be physically tiring and very time consuming but I found it really boring. You are stuck - I did go back to work, yet people treat you like you can now only talk about your baby. You are now X's mum, not your own person.
Toddlers are terrifying as you watch them tumble down the stairs, run out the front door, climb a tree and try to house train them! Plus they have learned how to say no, throw things around, and throw tantrums. Then I think there's the golden age of about 4 to 8 or 9, when they still think you are the sun, moon and stars, still want cuddles and are thrilled by school and new friends. They can dress themselves and converse properly. Then preadolescence - your child starts getting moody, irritable and disobedient (not cheeky like when younger, but sneaky). Adolescence brings heartaches as their best friend abandons them, crushes are not reciprocated. Schoolwork gets serious and you start spending more time in the heads office over some misdemeanor than you thought possible. And you are considered taxi driver and cleaner and cook, and not much good for anything else. Mid teens and GCSEs, potentially first boy or girlfriend - the emotional trails of trying to direct them towards an independent future while still wanting them to want to be with you forever. Their peers are more important and influential than you are.
The hardest thing? Losing my identity and independence, and the constant constant worry. The best? Two amazing people that I created.

cornishmumofone, and others finding it hard.

I love my DC v v much. Enjoy lots of things about having them. But also find many aspects of motherhood v difficult. Parenting, relationships, health, work. Everything.

Even with a DH who - on the whole - does a fair share of parenting and domestics, which the vast majority don’t IMO!

I felt like that when I was pregnant I had so much doom and gloom tol to me I was terrified.
Being honest, very depressed the first 4 weeks and then baby got sick and needed an operation, that actually helped my depression as I bonded with him and really my life hasn't changed much, (pre lockdown) we still went out for meals, just did it in the day and took baby, we open the wine when he is in bed if we fancy some, he adds to our life and makes it so much fun, he is 1 now and it's just getting better.
Our relationship is different, still lots of affection but definitely less sex, but quality more than quantity as they say. You will be fine. Congratulations!!!

4 kids and 22 years later I am a proud mum.of 4 young adults/older teens.

What changes is you instinctively just stop putting yourself first.

I've lived a pretty non typical mums life working abroad away from my kids for short periods at times (not all the way through and not before the youngest.was 13. But there is always a guilt and a.gnawing worry at the back of your mind. Some days you don't realise it's there, other days it does not let you relax.
Being a mum brings such joy and pride and immense love but a whole lot of worry, stress and tears. It's thebmayernal.love you feel that gets you through the tough times.

The first 12 years are mentally easier than the years between 13 and 17 but no doubt more physically challenging with sleep deprivation etc. The teen years are tough because this amazing wonderful person you love so intensely (and yes you do still love them the same as you do when they are 6 months, 3yo,7yo etc etc) need their independence. You need to let go and let them male their own mistakes in the big bad but wonderful world. You feel their joy when they get accepted to work in China for a year but then the fear creeps in and so it goes on. 22 years on I obviously have no desire to know What he does every minute of every day (that would be weird) but the worry is still there when something new, strange or bad happens to them.

So in a nutshell, you never switch off from some mental level of Mum mode. That's the biggest change in your life.

I would agree that things have completely changed but for the better. We have far less time and there is only down time once DD has gone to bed, but it’s weird to think of a time when she wasn’t here and both DH and I look forward to seeing the little person she will become in the future.

Becoming a parent has made me realise what a miserable cow I was because of work, I was annoyed at everything because of stress and trying to further my career and since I’ve been on maternity leave I’ve been so much happier. It’s made me realise the importance of my family and what’s important to me.

I had PND and found it hard bonding with my DS. I didn't get that overwhelming feeling when he was born. Didn't help he has allergies and other stuff going on. But now he's just turned 4 and he makes me laugh so much. I love his cuddles and he can be the sweetest. I love seeing his face light up over the smallest of things. He also gave me a purpose in life. I am a very very different person now to what I used to be. And even after all the struggles I don't regret having him.

I suppose the most basic way of expressing it is to say that my life isn't really about me, anymore.

I love my 2yo ds so so much, I never realised how it was possible to have this much love for someone. It scares me to be honest, and has caused me no end of anxiety, stress and guilt over the last couple of years. I've found motherhood really tough and in complete honesty, if I could do my time would I do it Again? Probably not. Only because I feel I've lost myself as a person. All I think about is my child. And it's exhausting.

I have two kids, the youngest being just a baby. Life is very different to before, it’s amazing how you just get used to having absolutely no time for yourself. Sometimes I doubt my decision to become a mother as I find some days so incredibly tough (utterly loathe the newborn phase and the terrible twos are no picnic either) but I love them so much and have never regretted having them.

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t dreaming of a weekend away from them though

It’s the best thing I’ve ever done with my life.

You haven’t ruined your life. There will be days you could quite happily stick your child out the front with a for sale sign, and want to scream, but generally the good outweighs the bad.

I’m not going to lie and says it’s joyful and rewarding and amazing every minute of every day, but the shit is all worth it.

You will be fine!! And tired, but definitely full of love

I did not cope well with babyhood or the toddler years. I started enjoying parenting from about the age of four years. Now she's a teenager, it's hard again because she questions every decision I make and doesn't want to share much about how she's feeling.

You always have to think about the child's needs first. Even if you want some "me" time, you have to find a responsible adult to look after them. Your food bill rises. You have to find money for shoes on a constant basis. You book holidays during the "free child places" period. I have social anxiety but I am forced to make new connections with my child's friends parents despite having little in common.

On the positive side, I loved seeing her reach every milestone. I loved seeing her make friends and do well at school. I loved taking her on holiday and building sandcastles on the beach, and teaching her to swim. I love the giggles. I love her wacky dress sense. I like her interests. I like her asking my opinion on things, such as friendship troubles, hairstyles (no, you can't go pink, School will send you home), and if orange goes with purple . The good outweighs the bad, always.

There are always those who love it or don’t love it. I’m another who hated it. The small joys didn’t compensate for the overwhelming relentlessness of it. 24/7 responsibility and being touched constantly. Nobody warned me and I hated it. I hated the repetitiveness of schooling, making school lunches every day made me weep with the monotony of it. DD was and still is luckily easygoing and pleasant. I’m grateful because if she had been a difficult child I wouldn’t have coped.

I completely lost my identity and it took me 16 years to get it back. She’s 18 now and we’ve only had one because it was so awful for me, for both of us really. Wrecking ball through your life is an accurate description and we’re only now getting freedom back.

Life is very different. However, I think everyone's experience is different and you need to find your own path. I grew up in a close family and want the same for my kids. By bedtime (theirs), I find I'm shattered. There is a lot of truly mundane stuff which I absolutely hate and takes a lot of time - the extra washing, tidying, cooking, cleaning etc, but then I'm not a natural at that!
Some babies are Velcro, some are good sleepers, some cry a lot etc, so a lot of what you can do depends on that. Also, some people have grandparents etc close by who are willing and able to offer some help. This makes a huge difference.

I miss the old me and I miss my freedom, I would love to have a glass of wine in the sunshine with a friend, to nip to the gym, to read a book etc, to have the freedom to work late, to not feel so tied. My world has become very small. However, I look for activities, I sometimrs bring a sleeping baby out of a cot for a cuddle, I adore being silly with them, I look up activities to do, pre lockdown we would be out a lot. I hate but accept all the mundane dross that goes with it as the fun we have and the love we have for each other is a much bigger part of it all. My anxiety is huge since having kids - mum guilt, fear of something happening to them, fear they'll be kidnapped, fear for the day when a cuddle and a magic plaster won't make everything ok for them. Just when you're worn down as a five minute trip out takes two hours to get out of the door, one of them will say or do something so cute or funny that your heart is fit to burst again. Whatever they do in life, I couldn't imagine ever not loving them.

Enjoy your pregnancy, enjoy your freedom, as life is about to be very different, but there is a lot of magic in that change and whilst you may miss aspects of your old life or be bored with aspects of your new life, you wouldn't choose to go back.

I think the main thing Ive struggled with was the lack of time to myself and time to 'get stuff done', but i definitely had a high needs baby. I've always been an introvert and like life to be organised, tidy and clean - both of these traits don't gel well with having a baby/toddler however I know he'll eventually be more independent and I'll gradually have a little more time to myself.

Definitely remember everything is a phase (ie my boy returned to nursery 2 days a week last week but is having his afternoon nap on my chest as we speak.... think he's a little unsettled as he adjusts to new routine)

Sleep sleep sleep and sleep before the baby comes along! Seems so obvious but somebody said this to me when I was pregnant with my first and I made sure I followed the advice and I relished every last moment of uninterrupted rest!

Buy lots of bottles of dr beckmann carpet cleaner. trust me on this.

As everyone else says above.. there are a lot of tough moments, but these are offset by a lot of incredible moments too.

Have you ever heard the term Hothouse Orchid? Look it up. I was your classic Hothouse Orchid. When my boisterous, messy, active, loud baby came along and I realised that all my little routines etc needed to basically fit in around him....well, it took some adjusting, that's for sure!!!

But he is amazing and so much fun and all the HO routines I needed really aren't important. You'll be able to manage!!

The first 3 months my life didn't change that much apart from not being at work. I still went out for the evening I still went to restaurants, for drinks with friends etc just usually with a sleeping baby attached. I found the baby stage with both really easy and a gentle introduction to parenthood.

By the time you get to the age of 2/3 though you are in the thick of it with them really dominating your life, your social schedule etc. I love them to bits but your life does revolve around them. The weird thing being that I don't mind it. It just feels like a natural progression in life.

Yes, things were slower and took longer but the close-up everyday details of life became more interesting. A baby can be endlessly amused with a few silly faces. With a toddler a walk around the block becomes an adventure. An older child may have a whole world of magic and make-believe that they will occasionally let you share.