Can I ask for some stories/posts from people who love being a parent?

[AliasGrape]

I feel like I’ve read a lot of negative threads lately about people who don’t enjoy parenting or who regret having children. No judgement from me, I understand it’s very hard and I also understand it’s important to share these stories.

I’m expecting my first baby next month and I’m not going to lie, I’m terrified all of a sudden. I understand people saying ‘everyone tells you it’s easy and wonderful and it’s important to share the negative stories because otherwise you won’t realise that actually it can be really shit and awful’. I’m sure that’s true for many, but I feel that I’ve been hearing nothing but the negative ‘it’s shit and awful’ messages for a while - not just talking about on here, I’ve had it in real life a fair bit. For example I met up with two friends before lockdown and the subject of breastfeeding came up, when I said I was going to try it the responses were along the lines of ‘you’ll hate it it’s hideous try it if you must but you’ll end up giving up like everyone else does’.

I’m 40, I’ve longed for children for a very long time. I even considered trying to do it alone before I met my husband and was starting down that path, but met him and we very quickly realised we wanted the same thing so started trying together. We had fertility issues and it’s taken us 4 years to get here.

Whenever I would say about wanting children to friends/family members I’d get a whole lot of ‘oh you don’t know how lucky you are, don’t bother’ type responses. Followed by stories about how tired, poor, stressed etc they were. Once it became clear we were seriously trying/ struggling to conceive and definitely once I became pregnant they have luckily changed their tune to saying how lovely and exciting it all is, but there’s still an undertone of your don’t know what you’re letting yourself in for’.

In the darkest days of unsuccessfully trying to conceive I would think that if I could just have a baby I wouldn’t care if I never had a full night’s sleep again, that I’d give up all our boozy lunches, nights out, holidays etc etc in a heartbeat so I could be a mum and we could be a family and I’d never look back. Now here I am 8 months pregnant and I’m suddenly shitting myself that our life of pleasing ourselves is going to change, that I really love time to myself and I’m about to lose it all, that I’ll never have a completely chilled ‘drop out’ holiday again where I read on the beach for 8 hours, have a nice meal with lots of wine, sleep like a dead thing and repeat every day for a fortnight. I love those holidays!

I really thought we’d planned and discussed and thought about this decision in every aspect but I suddenly feel laughably unprepared and a bit ‘what on earth were we thinking?’ I suppose spending so long wanting it and not being able to get pregnant it started to feel like something that wasn’t really going to happen.

I’m rambling but I just feel like I need some positive stories to balance out the negative that I’ve been fixating on a bit lately. It’s perfectly possible I will fall in love with my baby and not regret becoming a parent isn’t it? It’s perfectly possible I will love being the parent I’ve longed to be for at least 10 years if not my entire adult life? I’m not saying ‘please tell me it’s easy and I’ll never have a problem or a shit day/week/month’. More ‘please tell me that it’s not automatic that I’m going to hate every second and regret it for the rest of my life’.

Another one here who just loves parenthood. In fact I love it so much that I am now the mother of 3 adult children and am a foster carer and adoptor. My little adopted one is 6 and I am mid 50s. I can't imagine not having children around to care for. I am trying to persuade dh we still have room for another one !

Best thing I have ever done. I have three. Breastfed them all - the first couple of weeks can be difficult and it can be painful, but I was so glad I persevered. I wish I'd continued longer with the first two, managed 17 months with number three.

Try to take people's well-meant advice with a pinch of salt "You're making a rod for your own back." 🙄🙄🙄 Listen to people whose opinion you value and whose parenting most chimes with how you'd like to be I suppose. But also listen to your instincts - they really are there even if it doesn't feel like it in the early days.

Babies need food, sleep, changes/bathing and cuddles and a bit of fresh air. There's no need to be supermum. Time spent sitting on the sofa and cuddling your sleeping baby is not time wasted.

Mine are all gallumphing teenagers now and they're lovely, really nice people. I like them a lot.

I hope all goes well for you. I had my last at 40 and had the best time 😊

Only have a 15 month old so still in the early stages but I love it. You’d be amazed at how quickly you adjust to less sleep, new routines etc. I breastfed until 10 months and after an initial tricky couple of weeks found it fine and so convenient.

Watching a little person grow and develop is a privilege like no other x

I have a 3yo and 8mo and I bloody love it. I want a third!

Omg, I love being a mum. I waited so so long and it's amazing in every way. I was with a partner who didn't want children, I stuck by him thinking he'd change his mind until finally letting go in my early thirties. I was terrified I'd never get to be a mum. 2 years later I met my parter and I was over the moon to fall pregnant another 2 years later. We lost that baby when I was seven months pregnant. It was the darkest and most devastating time of my life and I never thought I'd be happy again, but a tear later my son was born healthily. Not a day goes by that I'm not grateful for what I have. I lost so much but I also gained so much too. My son gives me absolute joy and I'm so fulfilled. He's almost 3 now. Being a mum is the best thing I've ever done.

I have struggled at times but oh my god I love my kids so much. They are brilliant and I don't regret it at all.

Also if you are getting the negative parenting stories I'm assuming you are getting the negative labour stories. There's some old threads on here with positive labour stories that can also balance those out.

My life was always pretty good but it really, truly began when I had children. Each and every day I get a big fat lump in my chest with how happy my family makes me. My kids are DD13, DD10 and DS8 and they're quite possibly the most perfect children ever created on this Earth.

To me, that is.

I don't follow them round doing everything for them. They're all independent. They're all confident and happy. But we're so unbelievably close. We would all do anything for each other. Even the teen who I'm waiting to turn hormonal and evil but so far she's handling puberty well. The one time she was screaming and shouting in hormonal anger (that time of the month) I threw a chocolate bar the bounced off her forehead and ran away. Even she couldn't stay mad because the whole house was laughing with and at her.

I have a 2 year old and I'm sat here writing this breastfeeding her to sleep.

For me breastfeeding was the easiest thing in the world, it totally clicked for me and she was feeding like a dream 10 mins after being born. I never had any soreness or blocked ducts or anything, honestly it's been one of my favourite things in the world breastfeeding.

I love being a parent and I had comments from people who doubted I would be a good mum (sister remembers me saying I didn't want kids, MIL said she doubted I would be a good mum). I've proven everyone wrong and I've loved every minute of it. Yes it's hard, I spent the first two weeks with my baby glued to my boob from midnight to 6am. She also had colic so that was a nightmare but my maternal instincts kicked in the minute she was born and I definitely have no regrets. The biggest thing for me was how unsupportive my husband was (that's a whole different story) but I would do it all again. A lot of people talk about losing their identity when they have a baby and I have never felt this, I feel like I have grown as a person and I believe that is because I was ready for children and ready to be a mum. Enjoy your much longed for baby and enjoy every minute of it

It truly is amazing.

We had fertility problems and took 3.5 years to have our first. It is a massive lifestyle change from working full time in a busy job, weekends away, dinner at the pub when we fancy. BUT I would not change it. We have 2 now and youngest is almost 2. They give me so much happiness and make me smile. My family feels complete now.

The holidays and me time will come round again when the kids get older.

Yes it’s hard and some days relentless. But I’d rather this than to have ended up not having children. I’ll never forget the heartbreak of infertility. We were very lucky.

You will be fine! Everyone has doubts, it’s natural. My best tip is take lots of photos as it goes so quick .

I love being a Mam! I was depressed (situational depression) prior to becoming pregnant as we struggled to conceive and failed IVF etc. I didn't think I would ever become a Mam.

Even on the sleep deprived days I still felt very lucky that I had been given the chance to be a Mam.
I feel as though all I hear about is negative stories and the 'no one ever said how hard it is!'
Yes your whole life changes but it's for the better, me and my husband wanted life to change to become parents.
Everyone's breastfeeding journeys are different. If you want to breastfeed, have a go and make sure you know where to get support from.

Yes you have days that are harder than others but that happens in life without children as well.

Take no notice of others, enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and congratulations xx

I LOVE IT. Actually cannot believe how good it is. Spent 10 years trying, ivf, miscarriage, ovarian hyper stimulation and now she is 4!!!!! You will have tough times but OH MY GOD when she's in bed and whispers down mummy I have something to tell you'i love you mummy and daddy' or see her being so adorable with my dog (my baby replacement for the last decade). Good kucj xxx

Some lovely posts, thanks all!

I remember feeling very similar to you around a month before DS arrived. I kept having these panicky moments of "nothing will ever be the same". Honestly, life is completely different (DS is 15 months). I found the first 3-4 months incredibly hard and I wish I had been a bit more prepared for the realities of breastfeeding, recovery from a difficult birth and sleep deprivation.

But... even in the midst of the hardest thing I've ever done, I still remember telling my mum I wished I could just freeze time and have him be a tiny blob forever. The milk drunk faces, the little newborn squeaks and the cuddles were just something else. She laughed at me and just said wait and see - it keeps getting better. And it has! He's so funny now, and his own little person. And he gives the most incredible hugs - it really feels like your heart is going to explode. Its a completely different kind of love from anything I've ever experienced before.

I hated being pregnant first time round and recovering from birth and adjusting to life with a newborn was incredibly difficult. I'm now pregnant with number 2... hopefully that is proof in the pudding that it is 100% worth it. Good luck OP!

Makes me sad when people are so negative. Why have kids? Mines only 6m, maybe it'll change!

I think it's just important not to go in expecting unicorns and rainbows. Motherhood isn't what test have on Instagram! And some silly people go into it thinking it'll be like a movie.

Some days are harder, some days are just pure delightful. Every day though something changes and it's great seeing that.

It can also be worrying.

Anyway thanks to the lockdown we don't really know yet if we'll miss things, as we miss everything! I doubt it. Neither if us liked pubs or places a kid can't come along, apart from posh evening meals out but we can live without that.

Holidays for us were walking order somewhere. Kids can come along. Live chances and you find something else to do. There's no time to boohoo over your old life.

Being a mum is magical. I’m a first time mum at 37 and my little one is 8 months old. I just look at him and wonder how on earth we can make someone so incredible. I just find it completely magical. I know how fortunate we are to have been able to conceive and to give birth to a healthy baby.
I found breastfeeding hard. It was something I always wanted to try. I had no idea how hard I would find it, but it didn’t make me want to give up. The support from feeding teams was incredible and so I never felt alone.
Lack of sleep is challenging. I’ve had a few nights of little or no sleep and have just cried out of exhaustion. But when you get up to start the day all of the night time is forgotten and you focus on having a good day together. He still isn’t a great sleeper. He wakes every 2 hours. But that’s who he is. And he’ll change when he’s ready.
Being parents has tested our relationship. There’s been a few times out of tiredness and not sure what else where we’ve had arguments on a scale we’ve never had before. But I think it’s all just adjusting to being a family unit and realising that sometimes we both want to approach parenting differently and need to find the common and middle ground.
I have almost finished my maternity leave which I am so sad about. I have loved and appreciated every day with my little boy. I love watching his personality develop and seeing him grow and develop.
It can be hard, but it’s also the most best thing ever in the world and every day I know I am so lucky to be a mummy x

I adore my two, I don't miss my old life. I would like to be able to do a few bits, but I have a young baby and they don't like being put down, plus a preschooler . So it will have to wait about a year. Gives me purpose, but I do feel over whelmed sometimes. I find it hard only because i worry I'm not doing a good job bringing up these two little ones. Lovely moments are when you so knackered or stressed and they smile or say something new or that they love you.

@AliasGrape absolutely love being a mum! Had a breeze of a pregnancy after a MC (so I was worried throughout till the end but it all went super easy). First baby, born in 4 hours, no issues whatsoever. Was hard but somehow you forget about it.

I loved it from day 1, I was tired but on mat leave so what the hell, just sleep whenever. Baby was out and about with me from day 2. Never missed a beat from all my activities, he goes with me everywhere. My mum always said having a baby is easy, just make him part of your day and have fun as always. I did exactly that and 8 months in I am still doing exactly what I did before he was born and he's enjoying every day.

Good luck with your baby, it will be so much fun and so much love you cannot even imagine.

Don't mind the negativity.

There are lots of downsides to having kids, but honestly, when I think back to the moment I met both my babies, it still gives me goosebumps about how magical it is meeting someone you've actually grown!

Breastfeeding was easy for me, it might be for you too. Still breastfeeding my nearly 2 year old with no issues. My best tip for breastfeeding is to throw money at the problem in the first 1-3 days if you're struggling. Pay for a private lactation consultant if you can and get them to come ASAP to teach you what to do.

But overall, it is one hundred percent the best thing I've ever done. They make me so happy, even on days when they are driving me insane!

My life is quite complicated, but I do love being a parent. My girls are a bit older now (14, 12, 11) and there is never a dull day. DD1 has complex SN and goes to special school, DD2 has ASD and DD3 is just highly strung

Try and find some joy in every moment because time flies.

Yes your life will change. Some things will be hard but other things will be immeasurably better.

I had my daughter at 43 after IVF. She is now 3 and makes me laugh every single day. Watching her grow and learn and develop is an absolute joy. I wouldn't change it for the world.

The other day she told me very solemnly "Mummy, I love you with all that I am". I will never forget how utterly special that made me feel.

Becoming a mum has been the defining experience of my life, and I've had an interesting life! Nothing else comes close.

I did struggle after my first. I probably had pnd for awhile and I remember sitting awake all night long, just sitting bolt upright in a chair absolutely terrified with tears dripping down my face convinced that in the morning I would need to have him adopted. This didn't last long but what got me through was trusting that if my mind was a mess my body still knew what to do and giving into my instincts. Breastfeeding was very easy for me and the helped shift the depression.

Parenting is hard work but it is soul enriching in a way that nothing else is. You get to create and nourish these wonderful little people, who then go on to create their own lives. It is a gift.

Becoming a mum has been the hardest but best thing I have ever done. I have travelled the world & nothing I've ever experienced comes close to how I feel with my son. I struggled a lot at the start, actually for most of the first year. He didn't sleep through the night until 14 months & had colic as a baby so he cried most of the time! But now he is the most amazing little boy & I love watching him grow & learn new things everyday. Yes there are hard times & negatives of being a parent, but the positives outweigh it by far. Nothing prepares you for being a parent, but in my opinion it's the best thing you can ever do in your life

It's been brilliant. And whatever happens, you will always remember the highlights which will become your treasures.

Make the most of it, it does go so fast. Always keep the big picture in mind - you are raising adults so be mindful of what kind of adult you want them to be.

Be a role model as they will copy you more than you think.

Enjoy them while they are little, trust them as they grow and be ready one day to let them go.