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Parenting

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Original poster

Daughter who thinks she's a racing driver 😬

43 replies

Howdidimakeitthisfar · 17/06/2020 19:25

1st time poster so bear with 😁 I have 3 girls, and have today found myself in a situation I really need some advice on. My middle daughter (21) passed her driving test last year, and has already had one accident doing £1,800 worth of damage to her VW Golf. Today she took my youngest (18) to a much needed Maccy D's, but before they got home, my youngest sent me a photo that showed they were doing 104mph!! She begged me not to drop her in it with her sister, as she doesn't want to be seen as a grass. Obviously I'm furious with my eldest, but how do I confront her about her reckless, and quite frankly, dangerous (not to mention illegal) driving without dropping the other one in it?!?

OP posts:

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modgepodge · 17/06/2020 19:31

Say one of your friends text you saying she saw them out driving and she overtook at a ridiculous speed?
My brother was caught speeding in his first two years and was lucky not to lose his licence. At the time I wished he had as I was scared he was going to kill himself doing 80 on a tiny country road. Hopefully your daughter will be caught speeding before she kills herself or someone else, assuming you talking to her doesn’t solve it of course.
I think you can get some insurance policies which require a recording box in the car - good driving is rewarded with cheaper premiums. Could you get something like this - she might slow down when she realises speeding is costing her??

Jomalaldi · 17/06/2020 19:33

It looks like you think this is funny. Grow up and take the car off her. She could have easily killed herself and her sister

Jomalaldi · 17/06/2020 19:34

Not to mention others

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Iggly · 17/06/2020 19:35

Er I’m afraid I wouldn’t give a shit about dropping her in it.

It’s a crime and she put someone in danger.

Tash6000 · 17/06/2020 19:51

Honestly you need to buck up and deal with this right now. What if she hit a family and killed the kids. I know she is an adult but I'd either take the car off her or get the police involved. Yes she will get a fine, points or even lose her license and yes I'd be the worst mum ever. But I'd have my daughter's intact and possibly saving lives of others at the same time. Totally reckless and irresponsible and such behaviour needs a firm hand tbh. This won't be the first or the last time she has driven so dangerously

Mummyshark2018 · 17/06/2020 19:53

Is it your car she's driving or her own? Does she pay for her own insurance etc? Driving that speed is madness and she will kill herself or others. Is she impulsive in other ways? I certainly wouldn't let her drive your other children.

Sandybval · 17/06/2020 19:54

She doesn't think she is a racing driver, she is a selfish idiot who evidently doesn't think of anyone else other than herself. Driving at that's speed is so dangerous, you need to speak to her. Better to do that than her kill herself or someone else.

ginandgingers92 · 17/06/2020 20:04

It's a shame Safe Drive Stay Alive tours aren't happening at the moment. I saw it at school and I can still remember some of the stories.
Also wouldn't be bothered about dropping the younger one in it. 104mph is obscene.

Namechangex10000 · 17/06/2020 20:15

Yep sorry. Sod dropping the sister in it, not going to say I have always strictly stuck to the limit because I will be lying but that speed is disgusting and I would be so grossly ashamed of my child if they did that. I honestly don’t think I could get past it.

user1493494961 · 17/06/2020 20:22

You could have lost both of your daughters, today she was lucky, but she won't always get away with it.

Embracelife · 17/06/2020 20:27

Not funny.
You show her the photo say dd18 was terrified and say she cannot drive without a black box tracking her speed. Are you paying insurance?

If it s her car and insurance you report to police. Today with photo evidence

Amiable · 17/06/2020 20:29

How would you or the sister feel if your speeding daughter killed herself because of her driving, or killed someone else?

There is NO WAY she is fully in control of the car at those speeds with so little experience. If she were to kill someone she can expect jail time because of those speeds.

This is not about dropping anyone in it, this is about ensuring the safety of your daughter and everyone else when she is driving. You have to confront her, and insist she gets one of those black boxes to track her driving in future.

Greyblueeyes · 17/06/2020 20:35

You're going to have to handle this. 104 mph is absurd! I would think seriously about removing her driving privileges if you are paying for the car and insurance. She is obviously not responsible enough to handle it. And yes, you might make your younger daughter upset by ratting her out, but it's better than an accident that kills someone.

FrostyGirl66 · 17/06/2020 20:38

Are you sure it was miles? Could it have been km?

icedaisy · 17/06/2020 20:46

104 the car would be gone. They both could have been killed. Hopefully someone reported her to the police.

Embracelife · 17/06/2020 20:46

If it was km per hour it s
64 mph which may well still be over the limit
Unless she drives on motorway to MacDonald-
What road was it?

Lightofthephoenix · 17/06/2020 20:47

Black box

Get a black box added to her car

JacobReesMogadishu · 17/06/2020 20:49

If you don’t say anything and crashes at high speed killing/injuring herself and possibly others you will regret not doing anything.

Tell the 18yo that you’re sorry but you can’t not act.

If you own the car take it off her and consider getting a black box fitted. If she owns the car I guess there’s little you can do apart from giving her a massive bollocking.

CorianderLord · 17/06/2020 20:59

Sit her down and play her videos on the TV of violent crashes. Then take the keys off her.

MintJuleps · 17/06/2020 21:02

I sense this isn't real but in case it is ...

I have a 21 year old who passed her test in February. For what you describe, I'd remove her car keys. I don't give a shit that she's 21 - that is what would happen in my house. She wouldn't be allowed to drive - simple as that

If she didn't live at home, I'd consider reporting her

snowybean · 17/06/2020 22:34

When I was 20 I remember driving along the M25 at two in the morning. It was totally empty. I glanced at the speedometer and was doing 110mph.

Who cares about dropping the other sister in it.
Install a black box
If you're paying the insurance, cancel it until she pays herself (including black box)
Take the keys

CatWithKittens · 18/06/2020 12:37

DH spends a lot of his time as a personal injury lawyer dealing with fatal road traffic accidents where a young and inexperienced driver has killed him/herself or other people, including friends and sibings, as a result of showing off to those same friends or siblings at excessive speed. Sometimes the victims are innocent road users who get in the way. DH describes the families destroyed by such events. Do not treat this lightly - it needs sorting. A black box in the car is a good idea as is a dashcam set to record speed. At 21 you have limited control over her unless she is dependent on you but you can forbid other dependent children from travelling with her without a dashcam which you review.
You would never forgive yourself if you did nothing and somebody else was killed. What does her father say? I think you should both sit down and talk to her in a way she will not forget.

ZooKeeper19 · 18/06/2020 12:43

FWIW I was a pretty irresponsible young driver (so was my brother) and what helped, was parents sitting us up explaining they do not wish to attend our funeral. Bluntly. Saying that we will end up in jail for killing someone's baby while speeding. Killing a friend. Killing a mum in front of her children. Basically as much fear over hurting people we cared about as possible.

I do not think taking keys away is the answer. You are then closing door to any dialogue. Just explain to all your kids how much you love them and try to make them imagine that one of them would be killed by a speeding driver, how would they feel?

Toomboom · 18/06/2020 12:46

I would be surprised if she doesn't have a black box. As far as I am aware all new [ younger ] drivers have to have one fitted. My son [19] has been driving almost two years and he cannot get any insurance without a black box. And he is a good driver, no points, speeding or anything.
If your daughter does have one, then she will soon find her insurance cancelled!

Your daughter is being totally irresponsible and immature! What she is doing is highly dangerous. She could very easily lose control of the car, then you will have two daughters seriously injured or dead. She is also risking other people with her dangerous driving.
She is also at risk of losing her licence. If she does, she will have to retake her test in the future, and her insurance will be through the roof [ that's if anyone will insure her ]!!

If she continues to behave like this, I would report to the police ,maybe then she will grow up.

Knittedfairies · 18/06/2020 12:53

Get a governor fitted to her car.

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