Why don't my kids eat!

[Littleguggi]

I have a 1 year old and 3 year old, both have days (more often than not) where they refuse their meals. My 1 year old will turn her nose the minute food is in front of her, and my 3 year old will take a bite and then make excuses about feeling tired.

I cook all my meals from scratch and we always eat together as a family. They might eat something out the freezer such as chicken nuggets or pizza once every 1-2 weeks (which they will usually eat with no fuss).

I cook meals such as quesadillas with chicken or tuna, spaghetti bolognese, shepherds pie, puff pastry pasties with different fillings, Indian foods such as chapati and daal, toasties for lunch, fritters, egg muffins..to name a few! I'd consider myself a good and experienced cook, I am creative with my meals and like to use up what I have and offer lots of variety. I also enjoy cooking but recently with lockdown it's becoming more of a chore, so I try to make extra and offer it again the next day or freeze it.

I am sick of seeing all these 'celebrities' on instagram or so called weaning experts on instagram who post before and after pictures of their child's plate, suggesting their children eat every. Such as Joe Wicks, what mummy makes and Mrs Hinch. To the point I am considering deleting them all!

I am not sure where I am going wrong. I have stopped offering snacks in between meals, but maybe I need to be stricter with this, if I'm having an afternoon snack with my tea I can't help but give them a bite. I try to get my 3 year old involved in cooking. I always eat with them even if I am not hungry. I turn the TV or put the radio on and minimise other distractions.

1 thing however is that they both love their breakfast and will happily demolish a bowl of cereal. They often ask for more but we don't give it because that would imp

*impact on the other meals (or so we think it would) 🙄

Please tell me I'm not the only one with children who refuse to eat!!

Do you involve the older one on meal planning as well as cooking? It might help them feel more "invested" in the meal and eat. The 1 year old might be taking queues from the older or they might just be being kids!

Are they both healthy with good weights etc?

Delete all the social media Joe wicks etc stuff. Who needs the pressure?

SnowdropFox that's a good point actually about involving my 3 year old in meal planning! How would you suggest I go about this? I'm not much of a planner myself! I can imagine if I ask her what age wants to eat it would be pizza or pasta everyday!

Weight wise they are healthy, always been on the lower end, but they've followed their percentile charts plus husband and I are on the smaller side also!

That's true, I've got nothing to loose by deleting these so called influences who actually make me feel inferior and irritated!

Put the food on the table and sit and chat

Have you tried say food on the table instead of on plates so they can choose stuff for themselves (the one year old maybe a bit young)

So say pasta and meat and add salad bits and some form of bread or cheese

And stay until you’ve all eaten something but basically ignore the food and let them pick

No real advice but I have 3 children and they're all so picky it does my head in as I love cooking and try so many different things.

So just wanted to say I know how you feel as that always makes me feel better when most other children I know eat most things!

Normal kids often prefer bland foods and are often not especially hungry. Just put something on the plate you know they like, even if its plain rice, some grated cheese, pasta without sauce. If they have normal energy levels and aren't underweight they're getting enough. My older child was so picky its unreal but she's now almost 6, has a much more adventurous palate, eats.like a horse and is slim and healthy. I've totally chilled out with my 3yo being a bit picky as a result. Also, I often give my 3yo a main meal.at lunch because he can be too tired for a big meal at dinner.

They might eat something out the freezer such as chicken nuggets or pizza once every 1-2 weeks (which they will usually eat with no fuss).

If they usually eat that with no fuss, can you start making your own?

Don't watch how other people parent on social media.

Involve the children in food prep, let them choose from say 2 or three different meals for dinner, give them small amounts of food - they're only tiny and may need less food than you think.

Above all, don't overthink why they are not eating your lovingly prepared home cooking - it's not a reflection of their feelings for you. Food can so easily become an emotional flare point - avoid that please.

What time do you eat, maybe your 3yo actually is tired.

Also what portion sizes do you give. It might be a good idea to start with a small portion and they can have more if they want. A big plate of food can be intimidating/offputting for someone with a small appetite.

GreenTulips thanks for the tips. I do this sometimes depending on what the meal is (works well with picnic style food) but maybe I'll do this more.

The chat usually starts off well then ends in 'can you eat your food please, one more bite, no don't throw it on the floor, if you don't eat then you won't be getting anything else'. All the stuff I tell myself not to say comes out in frustration. So now I dread mealtimes, they stress me out!

ilovewinterpansies thank you for your understanding!

OrangeGinLemonFanta I think I'm so obsessed with ensuring their food is colourful and full of veg, I would never dream of offering plain pasta but maybe this is where I am going wrong. I make my own pasta sauce, sometimes with added veg! It's positive to hear that your picky eater turned into an adventurous eater, did this just happen naturally or did you do anything different?

WorraLiberty I should have mentioned, I will often make my own chicken nuggets and pizza but maybe this should be more of a staple on the weekly menu!

Try not to tell them at all how much to eat, because it's too easy for them to refuse.
Just present the meal, let them eat (or not) and then 'are you finished? OK are you sure? Great' and take it away.

If you're worried they are not getting enough, try keeping a food diary for them for a week or so - it's really easy for us to think children eat less than they do, and need more than they do as well.

I think their appetites go up and down a lot esp with growth spurts. I think making sure they come to the table hungry by keeping snacks to a minimum (just fruit) is a good plan. I am also a bit old fashioned I guess in that I’m more than happy to bribe them to eat some veg with a pudding. I don’t expect them to finish everything on their plates because I don’t think you can tell another person how hungry they are but I let them portion them selves a teaspoon size “no thank you” portion of the different elements so they at least try everything. If they completely reject it or just pick out the beige bits I just let them get down from the table and ignore it. I never make alternatives for them. I was a problematically fussy eater as a child and this approach from my mum gradually coaxed me out of it. Mine are 6 and 2. It’s important not to show that you’re stressed by it as it makes food a battleground. I also think it’s worth giving some leeway for the odd food they clearly detest and not trying to force it. I can’t stand mushrooms even as an adult and would be extremely cross if someone forced me to eat them- it can take a while to elucidate which foods they truly hate from general pickiness but it should be very few. They won’t starve themselves - assuming they do not have any developmental or neuro-developmental issues of course - if that were the case a different approach would be required.

Ihaventgottimeforthis it's so hard not to watch how other parents parent when you are surrounded by it. I've fallen into the trap and will definitely be coming off social media for my own sanity! And I agree with your point about food becoming an emotional flare, as someone who works in mental health I see this too often!

FrugiFan we eat at 8am, 12pm and 5pm. Will keep a check on her portion sizes, and maybe start offering less than normal to see if that helps thanks!

With the bribing with pudding just to say don’t get into cajoling - just say if you want your pudding you need to try little a bit of everything on your plate then leave it at that. Obviously this is hard with a 1 year old at that age I would kind of just let them eat what they like - keep the portions small and realistic and if they don’t eat any just get them down from the table and leave it.

I used to have the same worries. Them someone sent me a link to visual toddler portions and I realised I was putting too much on their plates, as well as letting them eat too many snacks (like a banana an hour before dinner, then surprise surprise they're not hungry)

So now snacks are seriously limited, then get much smaller portions and can all for more if necessary.

But maybe also give them more at breakfast time? I need to eat more at breakfast time then at lunch time and my kids are the same, so they have a fruit and veggie smoothie as well as a bowl of porridge and a slice of toast. No way would they cope with only a bowl of cereal.

'They often ask for more but we don't give it because that would impact on the other meals'

Let them eat when they're hungry and not to an arbitrary timetable.

Lots of children are 'top loaders' and eat most in the morning. There's lots of evidence that's what we should all be doing, 'eat breakfast like a king etc.'.

I wouldn't give them loads of sugary cereal, but if that's when they're hungriest give them a good meal. Eggs are great for breakfast and good source of protein, offer some fruit or a smoothie.

There is also nothing wrong with snacking as long as snacks are healthy. Lots of children like to eat little and often so offer some apple and cheese or carrot sticks and peanut butter or little wrap/sandwich, fruit etc.

Part of the problem seems to be you won't feed them when they ask for food and they won't eat to your timetable. That just makes stress for everyone.

When I was younger I loved all food, BUT I was really outfaced by a full plate of food. It used to make me feel tired and stressed out.

Have you tried just putting a spoon or two of each thing and then asking if they'd like some more? That helped me as I didn't have to think about eating more than I wanted.

Not always the case but an option

Don't let them drink too much cows milk or formula, just enough for dietary requirements. Offer any drinks or milk after meals. Look at what they eat over a week rather than a day. Use a vitamin supplements with iron. Just keep trying with little bits of food and suddenly one day they eat it. Good luck.

My 2 year old was great, then started refusing to even look at anything that looked like a meal (would just eat sandwiches and 'snacky' stuff).
What's been really helpful here has been offering meals as we would have them but add something he will definitely eat (garlic bread, chips or beans here) and then the hard bit... completely ignore whether he eats anything at all. Like show complete disinterest, no commenting whether he has any or not. No "good boy" etc. Even touching or playing with the food is a first step to trying it.
It's really really hard to do but for us lockdown has been helpful in that we're not rushing about as much so have a bit more time and patience.
He's still not great but now loves homemade pizza and easy to eat meat such as a burgers or meatballs, cucumbers and cheese x

It is really hard and stressful especially when you've slogged your guts out cooking a delicious meal and they won't even lick it.

But just bite your tongue, say 'ok you've finished!' and take the plate away with no other comments.

Sometimes I would offer it back to them later if they said they were hungry, but usually I would just eat it up myself later. Home cooking too good to waste!!

We meal plan for 2 weeks in our house because we work shifts. Maybe you could work a plan for 1 week at a time. Have a fish night, pasta night etc.

"Ok so its fish night on Wednesday, do you want peas or carrots with it? Great! You can help me put the peas on everyone plates."
"Saturday night is treat night! Do you want fajitas or chicken nuggets this week? Ok chicken nuggets and broccoli or spinach?"
Etc etc. Give options keep them involved, steer them in healthy directions. On the night it might be a fight but remind them that they helped. "Oh DC I an really looking forward to fish night with you tonight, are you looking forward to dishing out the peas to everyone?"

Oh and with pasta sauce, we sometimes have a blob of pasta sauce rather than mixing it. Our DC like to dip and chose the amount of sauce they have themselves.

Good luck, hope it helps even a couple of times a week!

Mine went through a phase of this at the same ages. I don't really know what changed, I just persevered. I made sure that the meals included at least one safe food and then essentially ignored them at meal times. So I'd make a curry and serve with chips, chicken nuggets with salad stuff and things like that. I also got the eldest helping me to cook. I think she felt proud of her meal so actually ate it. I promise it will pass!

I have 3dc the first 2 would eat anything and everything
Dc3 was fussy, god she was fussy, so I eventually worked out that for example if we had spaghetti Bolognese I would give her spaghetti on its own and she would love it.
Little bits of cucumber, tomato, cheese, pasta etc all on its own so she could choose
Dc3 is now 12 and although she's not adventurous when it comes to food she eats a balanced diet
Please don't stress about what they are eating, unless you are feeding them takeaways every night then they will be eating what they need.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with eating a big breakfast and not as much for the rest of the day - just try and add more healthy bits to their breakfast. (This is how mine eat and I stressed for a bit too / got frustrated when meals weren’t eaten but so much easier now I just make more effort with what they eat for breakfast and lunch and then not too bothered about dinner!)