Why don't my kids eat!

[Littleguggi]

I have a 1 year old and 3 year old, both have days (more often than not) where they refuse their meals. My 1 year old will turn her nose the minute food is in front of her, and my 3 year old will take a bite and then make excuses about feeling tired.

I cook all my meals from scratch and we always eat together as a family. They might eat something out the freezer such as chicken nuggets or pizza once every 1-2 weeks (which they will usually eat with no fuss).

I cook meals such as quesadillas with chicken or tuna, spaghetti bolognese, shepherds pie, puff pastry pasties with different fillings, Indian foods such as chapati and daal, toasties for lunch, fritters, egg muffins..to name a few! I'd consider myself a good and experienced cook, I am creative with my meals and like to use up what I have and offer lots of variety. I also enjoy cooking but recently with lockdown it's becoming more of a chore, so I try to make extra and offer it again the next day or freeze it.

I am sick of seeing all these 'celebrities' on instagram or so called weaning experts on instagram who post before and after pictures of their child's plate, suggesting their children eat every. Such as Joe Wicks, what mummy makes and Mrs Hinch. To the point I am considering deleting them all!

I am not sure where I am going wrong. I have stopped offering snacks in between meals, but maybe I need to be stricter with this, if I'm having an afternoon snack with my tea I can't help but give them a bite. I try to get my 3 year old involved in cooking. I always eat with them even if I am not hungry. I turn the TV or put the radio on and minimise other distractions.

1 thing however is that they both love their breakfast and will happily demolish a bowl of cereal. They often ask for more but we don't give it because that would imp

completely ignore whether he eats anything at all. Like show complete disinterest, no commenting whether he has any or not. No "good boy" etc. Even touching or playing with the food is a first step to trying it

This. Good luck!

I have 4 children, 15, 9, 3 and 1 (2 in November). They will all eat pasta and chicken. Other than that they all eat different things and it's incredibly draining.

I like most foods my husband is a vegetable hater except for peas. 9, 3 and 1 year old like eggs, 15 year old doesn't although she has grown to like various foods of her own accord such as peppers and certain vegetables.

They all eat pizza and burgers except for 3 year old, she will just pick the top off the bun. 3 year old is very picky indeed and will say "eww" at the sight of some foods however I do still try to get her to smell and even lick things she hasn't tried.

My 1 year old was a prem 28 week baby so already prone to food aversions and he has been teething recently which meant that when the dietician suggested upping him to 3 meals a day that started off well but went down hill and we're just coming out of it now. The mere smell of a banana and he boaked, same with raspberries, blueberries etc. He will eat a decent variety of foods so keeping my fingers crossed that will continue, he's just not great at eating a full meal and will pick and graze.

I started out weaning them the same way introducing a variety of foods but they are all very choosy in their own way. No amount of arranging fruits and vegetables into smiley faces will make them suddenly want to wolf down some broccoli unfortunately. Even when I've tried to hide vegetables in food it's instantly detected! I just try to make sure they are fed and full with as much of the healthy stuff they will eat rather than worry constantly about variety at the moment for the sake of my sanity.

It's a nightmare!

I used to offer dessert after lunch and dinner but make it nutritious so yoghurt with homemade fruit purée or homemade egg custard/rice pudding. Then you have a second chance to get some vitamins in!

Also agree with making it more tapas like so sharing/ helping yourself rather than having things pre-plated.

How much activity are they doing right now? If it’s not a lot then I would drop all snacks and just do meals.

I also suggest, if possible, to have family meals where both kids can see you eat too.

Normal kids often prefer bland foods and are often not especially hungry. Just put something on the plate you know they like, even if its plain rice, some grated cheese, pasta without sauce.

Kids only learn to eat things when you offer them - so keep offering a variety. If they only nibble or ignore something that’s fine. But don’t fall into the trap of just giving them what they like because this is the perfect age to try new stuff for both of them. Once school starts the stress / excitement of the day will often make kids fall back to tried and tested food at school - so the more they try now the more they’ll eat later.

My 2 were like this. Both very active boys who barely ate anything.
I started to limit snacks. So they could have something up to 2hrs before a meal.
However Ithink if they get over hungry it can turn into a kind of tummy ache. So I would offer a few raisins/ carrot sticks/ breadsticks to stave off hunger pains.
If they are tired they won't eat a meal.
Eldest went through a big phase between 2-4yo of turning down all food. We tried cajolling/reasoning/anger/bribery. We tried all the methods.
He became more reasonable age about 4.6yo.
Stick with it.

You sound very anxious about their diets and they will pick up on it.

I would just make the food, sit and eat yours and don’t stress about it!

My ds is 2 yrs 4 months, and some days he will clear his plate, some days he will have three mouthfuls and be off. Hes generally fit and well, drinks plenty and has bags of energy so I dont worry that he doesn't seem to eat a lot some days. As a pp said, toddler portions are really small anyway, smaller than we think, and some days hes just more hungry than others. I dont make a fuss, I do ask him if hes finished, and we do sit together for meals at the table, with no tv. Hes also learning to ask to leave the table when he is finished. He is starting to understand that once he does that his plate gets taken out, so he has to be sure hes finished. It's a learning process. If he doesn't eat a lot I do give him a bit of milk before bed time, but other than that I let him get on with it. My main aim is keeping dinner time stress free and calm. If its pleasant to sit around the table and chat, eat etc hopefully he will stay put and eat as much as he needs to.

Stop the conversations about eating. I never did any pudding after a meal and I hate primary schools for teaching this with their school meals. Usually means children in school don't want the cottage pie but that piece of cake instead with custard.

At home yoghurt was part of breakfast and fruit was a snack in the day but not something sweet after a meal.

Put the food down, they have to stay at the table for x number of minutes, you eat your meal. No discussion about eating more, no one more mouthful just have you finished/had enough.

I think children not eating is always a worry for parents. I also made a lot from scratch including hidden veg pasta sauce and chicken nugget things. The main thing we aimed for was the children eating the same meal as us rather than "children's food" ie potato smiles or chips with every meal.

I am sure it was someone on here who said about fussy eaters you never hear someone say well Sasha is a nightmare, all she will eat is spinach and kale

I was a fussy eater and I had one son who was. But over the years he got better and better. He liked very plain food so I would make him try a teaspoon of whatever we were eating for taste/texture and then let him have what he wanted to eat for dinner. Think plain pasta. Lunch was a no alternative. Dinner was as I didn't want him to go to bed hungry and I didn't want meal times to be a battle ground ie my childhood.

I was a desperately fussy eater. Lots of my childhood memories are coloured with the memory of having to eat something I didn't like.

The first time my (now) DH offered me something I didn't like, he shrugged and said all the more for me. The bliss of not being forced to eat.

I have been a lot more adventurous ever since. If both DC are reacting, either they spot that it matters so much to you or they just are not hungry. People will eat when they are hungry. It's great to let them work out their real, natural hunger for themselves and let them be guided by it.

I’ve found that between ages 2.5-4 years all my kids have been extremely fussy eaters. Extremely!! One ate only plain pasta for about 6 months. Either side of those ages ranges they eat/ate pretty much anything and everything, no fuss at all.

I think some kids go through fussy stages. I never made a big deal out of food but I really do understand that it is actually a huge effort to not make a big deal about it! It is much easier said than done when you have spent time planning and prepping nutritionally balanced meals and are then faced with a hungry/crying/stroppy/food throwing toddler! And breathe....

Good luck!

I think what I said was slightly misinterpreted - I didn't mean just put what they like on the plate, I mean plain pasta and some grated cheese but also the sauce separately from the pasta, that sort of thing. So the less familiar/comfortable part of the meal is still there, available for them to try with no drama attached. DD came out of her fussy phase naturally, with encouragement - I never made a fuss about her not eating a big variety of foods and kept offering and she saw us eat a varied diet. That said, she was quite healthy with what she would eat - lots of hummus, nut butters, porridge, cucumber, melon, strawberries, peas in her diet.

Stop following the influencers! They are trying to sell you stuff, so it's in their interests to make you believe what they're doing works! It's not real!

@Littleguggi I agree with you and the others. Ditch social media and adopt your own style in the kitchen and at the table.

Well done for sitting with them and involving the kids in the cooking. Persevere and maybe try something simpler.

I am French and the typical meals for us are not generally a "one pot" or one dish meals. More often than not, they don't even have a name.
We prepare a piece of meat, fish, omelette and then a couple of veggies and we usually put these on the table and construct our plate one after the other more than all the food at the same time in the plate (so the lettuce doesn't get covered with mashed potatoes and the omelette doesn't get soggy with the tomatoes)
These are some example of healthy, homemade, colourful meals.

Chicken breast (cooked in a pan with olive oil, garlic, rosemary) with roasted potatoes and green beans . You can also put the chicken breast straight in the oven on a tray covered with baking paper.
Sole (we are big on sole) cooked in butter or a piece of frozen cod cooked in boiling water until it floats, remove, add butter and parsley on top, boiled potatoes, and tomato salad diced with a tiny amount of the green bit of a spring onion. Or the typical battered fish even if I don't like fried food.
Good old piece of steak. Either cooked in a pan and you can make your own gravy with a bit of red wine, a bit of mustard, butter, tomato paste, sautéed spinach, rice
Omelette with ham and cheese, roasted Brussel sprouts, grated carrots salad
Then of course soups, pasta with a tuna sauce, a risotto with saffron, and use the oven to make tasty veggies from pumpkin to kale chips

What cereal do you give for breakfast? Can you move from ultra processed ones (even if unsweetened or low sugar) to oats with berries or a toast with butter and jam or even pancakes or crepes. The way breakfast cereal are manufactured from pulverising, pressurising, deconstructing nutrients and reconstructing them together not only make kids build a preference for artificial food but makes them crave for more.
You can do your own chicken "nuggets" in a healthier way. Cut chicken into stripes or sticks, one plate with flour, one plate with 2 eggs whisked together, one plate with bread crumbs , pass the chicken pieces in that order (fist roll in flour, then roll in egg, then roll in crumbs and then I a pan with oil.

Processed food are altered to offer high playability and are metabolised in a different way but the human cells. It is not only a matter of sugar/oil/wheat it is the breaking down of their combination that alters brain perception. So again, good that you only offer breakfast and occasional dinner.