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Parenting

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Original poster

having a 3rd child when things are just starting to get easier...

39 replies

noonar · 22/09/2007 20:38

i have 2 dds, aged 3 and 5.

against my better judgement, i'm now feeling broody.

trouble is, all my friends with 3 are struggling with 2 preschoolers plus one at school.

now, if we had a 3rd, they'd be aged 6 and 4 and new born- assuming we conceive quickly (as before). would this be any less stressful than my friends' exp, dyou think?

i have great respect for them, but they often look like they are tearing their hair out with trying to meet the needs of all 3. not sure that i could cope with this.

would it be easier with a bigger gap, or am i just kidding myself?

dh thinks the dds would suffer, as they'd get less attention. (i actually think they'd benefit hugely from having a baby bro/ sis.)

in some ways, i'm just starting to get my life back after the dds, so finding myself feeling broody is not exactly part of the master plan!

not sure what i'm asking really, but just wanted to chat about the impact of having a 3rd, at a time when things are just staring to get a bit easier.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Amethyst8 · 22/09/2007 20:48

Feeling the same way exactly. Have 4 year old and 1 year old and I don t want this to be the end of babies for me. DH says he is happy with 2 but I think he could be persuaded. Thing is sometimes I struggle just with the two of them. DH works v long hours, no family near by so I pretty much do everything myself. I would say that I thrive on it 80% or the time but the other 20% is so so hard.

I found a hat the other day that I bought when I didnt know what my 2nd child was going to be. She turned out to be a girl and this is a boys hat. When I looked at it I could just see the baby that is still waiting to come.

The thing I always say to myself is that when I reach 60 I am not going to say that I regret having a third child but I know that I will say that I regret NOT having a third child if I don t. If that makes sense.

foxinsocks · 22/09/2007 20:49

naaaaaaaaaaaaah

enjoy it while it gets a bit easier

ScoobyDooooo · 22/09/2007 20:51

Don't do it, well you can if you want but i always think give yourself a break you deserve one.

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Original poster

noonar · 22/09/2007 20:54

amethyst, you must be a v capable parent to find things easier already witha 1 yo!

scooby, fox- hiya. um, was expecting everyone to say 'go for it. it'll be fine.....'

OP posts:

octoandflash · 22/09/2007 20:55

I have just had my third with exactly the same gap - ds now 6, 4 and 5 months - the two older ones are now at school and its great. I have more time with ds3 than I ever had with ds2 due to the age gap.

The older ones completely adore him and play with ds3 loads - really entertain him.

There are times when its a bit manic but the impact hasn't been huge - we've all just adapted. ds1 and ds2 get more time before and after school - ds3 gets more daytime with me. And yes it had just started to get easier with the two of them - but our lives have got better for having ds3.

I'm pleased to have gone for 3 - but dh now wants 4!!

ScoobyDooooo · 22/09/2007 20:58

Sorry

I have ds 5 & dd 20 months & i struggle at times, i just can't wait to have some sort of a life back, so probably going on my only feelins, in need of freedom...

I always think about the constant feeding, the lack of sleep, the rushing out the door to do a school run with 3 children & the total demands.

for me it would be a no no but if you want to expand your family & feel the time is right go for it, maybe write down the pros & cons & see what you come up with.

HTH

cadelaide · 22/09/2007 20:58

Big ones were 5 and 7 when ds2 came along.
Easy peasy.
Big ones help a lot (they want to, they love him)and ds2, 14m, just tags along whatever we do. He's walking and starting to get into their stuff but it's working out just fine.

Do it, you know you want to

Original poster

noonar · 22/09/2007 21:01

oct...ah...thts just what i was saying to dh. he keeps saying' just look at our frineds A, B and c. they always look so harrassed' but they have 4 under 5. tis different story if the eldest 2 are at school.

dd2 is only just 3, but as a summer born, she'll be off to school nxt sept. i think that a 4yr gap might be about right...

is it much easier this time round, oct, compared to a 2yo and newborn? even though you now have 3? is 3 intrinsically tricky, or is it age dependent, dyou think?

OP posts:

Original poster

noonar · 22/09/2007 21:05

meant '3 under 5'.

scooby, i totally understand. was feeling just the same until about ...last week!

cadeliade, interesting post. thanks.

tbh, i think dh is concerned about my ability to cope with the stress of a new baby. i did struggle a bit before.

OP posts:

octoandflash · 22/09/2007 21:06

Much easier this time round as the older two can eat, dress themselves, use the remote control, play outside, ride bikes etc etc and don't need watching every second - unlike with the first age gap of 22 months when they both needed full on mummying!

I can send the older two off to play lego upstairs and do stuff with ds3 or feed him etc and they understand. Also they will watch him for me or play with him if I ask them to.

I find it works really well.

octoandflash · 22/09/2007 21:08

I found ds1 very stressful, ds2 less stressful but was run off my feet and no stress with ds3 at all - he is a dream

Original poster

noonar · 22/09/2007 21:08

but what about the nights, after being used to sleeping- albiet till 6.30. i think i migth lose the plot without sleep.

OP posts:

Original poster

noonar · 22/09/2007 21:09

so is he objectively an easier baby, or are you just more relaxed?

OP posts:

barefeete · 22/09/2007 21:10

i have just had child no 2 and had to fight back the urge to scream NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO at you. You are obviously in a very different place to me but then again i was the stupid one and got pregnant with DD when DS was 7 months old!

sick, night time feeding, screaming children and babies at the same time, less money, weaning, restrictive nap times/feed time - have i said enough as i could go on.

Original poster

noonar · 22/09/2007 21:12

ah, abrefeete, i do sympathise, but i am hoping that as i'd have a bigger gap this tim, i migth avoid some of the stress, as i'd have 2 at school.

OP posts:

octoandflash · 22/09/2007 21:14

The first few weeks were hard at times without sleep - but now he sleeps though with a dream feed which is great. We had an awful week when he had an ear infection and screamed all day and night for 4 days but apart from that has been fine.

DH took a whole month off when he was born which was fab!

I breastfed him all over the summer up until last week which helped alot as it meant didn't have to think about bottles etc and going out with the boys.

I think he is a much camler and happier baby def than my first. He seems pretty content - maybe because I don't always fuss over him and need to do other stuff sometimes. At times he does have to cry and wait his turn which is hard but I try to avoid that just by better planning!

lovecamping · 22/09/2007 21:17

i think the 4yr age gap that you will have, may be easier because:

only one set of nappies
second child understands that they need to wait for things and they can do things on their own whilst yr attending to baby
you'll be able to go out for a coffee and second child will actually sit still whilst you feed baby/drink coffee
they'll love helping you
you can bath them all together and yr second child wont be trying to sit on baby, as they understand the concept of 'gentle'

i would go for it! the age gaps bw mine are 3.5yrs (one to two) and then 19mths (two and three) and definitely found the bigger age gap easier.

Its still REALLY hard work though

Amethyst8 · 22/09/2007 21:24

noonar, Wouldnt say that I was a v capable parent myself but it is all relative isnt it? Breast fed DD exclusively and she wanted to feed ALOT so the first 6 months was extremely hard work, now she eats 4 meals a day and I don t have to feed her so much and am able now to get other things done so for me relatively speaking I am finding things a lot easier even though she is still only 1 YO. Easy enough to be considering number 3 anyway but not to have made any FIRM plans. .

LyraBelacqua · 22/09/2007 21:31

Are you me, Noonar? I could have written the exact same post. Mine are also 3 and 5 and the little one has just started nursery in the mornings, so there's a bit of empty nest syndrome mixed in there with the joy of having some regular free time again. Sometimes I think I'd love another baby but then the reality of starting again from scratch with a newborn hits and it puts me off. What I'd really like is for my boys to go back to being babies, just for a day or two, so i could experience it again iyswim.
Good luck with your decision.

Original poster

noonar · 22/09/2007 21:34

lol, lyra . maybe tis a common predicament.

OP posts:

barefeete · 22/09/2007 21:41

2 at school would be an added bonus, i can see the attraction then. I am sure that i will get broody sometime in the future but at the moment i still have rampaging hormones to deal with.

fihi · 22/09/2007 21:46

we've got similar age gaps. now 6(nrly7),4,21mths. Hard work but wouldn't change it for anything. number 3 (DD) has chilled her brothers out no end and we have a very loving little family. my DH was happy with 2 -both boys but now all glad we've got DD.

jenjins · 22/09/2007 21:50

i must say that its the only time that ive had to think so much whether to have a baby or not. ds4 was taking the plunge and dd1 was yes definately another and now thinking the thought of not doing it all again saddens me! ds4 is a summer baby and just started at school and dd turned 1 on wednesday so she will not obviously go to school until she is nearly 5. should i make the most of having her at home or should i in about a year time start to try for another one? think will probably do it but the timing has to be very well worked out. all be it that getting pregnant has been as successful as the previous ones. its definately a harder decision after having 2!!

thomcat · 22/09/2007 21:51

I'm expecting no3 in 3 days.
My life is about to get really tough.
DD1 is 6 in Dec and has Down's syndrome. Trying to settle her into year 1, she only started walking about 8 months ago. she's developmentally more at her sisters level, and she'll be 2 at the end of this year. They are like twins in many ways. It's really hard now.
Going to be even tougher for a few years yet.

Thing is, it won't last for ever, and no matter how tough it gets it'll never be as tough as never having had this third child.

As tough as it will be it'll be the best thing I've ever done.

As I said to DH when he was bricking it at the news that we were expecting, we will easily regret not having this child, but we will never, ever regret having him or her.

LyraBelacqua · 22/09/2007 21:52

Jenjins, have you got four somes or is your son four?

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