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Original poster

Finding tiny baby boring - feeling guilty...

63 replies

Mo2 · 13/09/2002 16:53

I hate to admit it, but I'm soooo BORED already of having a new baby. I'd forgotton what a continuous round of feeding, changing etc it is.
Last time with ds (now almost 3) I had a group of NCT friends and we seemed to while away the hours together, but this time there aren't so many people around with babies the same age.
I tried to spend yesterday at our out of town shopping centre and came back miserable, as all ds2 wanted to do was feed or cry (neither helpful if trying to shop).
Spent today trying to make a trip to the park last 8 hours....
Ideas please... I'm feeling like a 'bad' mother who isn't 'enjoying' her baby....

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Jbr · 15/09/2002 14:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ionesmum · 15/09/2002 14:49

Excuse me?

Rhubarb, can only repeat, your post moved me to tears. I think that you have said some wonderful things here and I admire your principles and the way you try to help others such as through your website. I know that we haven't always agreed on things but friends don't have to.

clucks · 15/09/2002 14:57

I did not enjoy my baby for months. I was totally anxious and wound up all the time and for the first 4 weeks actually scared of being alone with him. And he was an easy baby, relatively speaking.

I now blame it on PND, but feeding, winding, rocking, keeping it safe, washing without dropping, it's all tedious and if you are a bit off- colour yourself, hard. Bad to refer to my baby as it, but that's a bit how I saw him then. From single, party animal one minute to fat, married, responsible mother the next and the most precious thing (again, should say person) in the world to care for the next.

Rhubarb puts it very encouragingly, I remember my baby's smell now, at the time it wasn't much fun find the time to take it all in.

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jodee · 15/09/2002 15:10

Hear hear, Ionesmum.

MABS · 15/09/2002 15:15

Rhubarb - as ever very well written with real feeling.

Jbr , you obviously read things very differently to me......

Tinker · 15/09/2002 16:36

Jbr - what are you on about?????????

SueDonim · 15/09/2002 17:24

Rhubarb, I'm another who just loved your post, although must confess I didn't find tiny babies boring as I could spend all day just watching them. But then I'm easily pleased.

WideWebWitch · 15/09/2002 17:35

Agree, liked the post Rhubarb.

Enid · 15/09/2002 17:38

Lovely post Rhubarb and I think people do forget how PHYSICALLY draining it is having a baby and getting through the first couple of months.

And last time I checked, dp wont be having any massive hormonal swings, bleeding, leaking breasts etc so I think its fair to say its going to be harder on me than him Jbr, you do sound bonkers sometimes.

zebra · 15/09/2002 21:00

[is JBR a troll, then?]

The first 3-6 months with a baby are boring -- I agree!!

You spend 6 weeks waiting for a smile.
Another 6 weeks (minimum) and they might just about start using their hands.
Another 4 weeks (at least) and maybe you can start solids.
Another 4 weeks (usually) and they might roll over.
Another 5 weeks and they might start crawling.

Now, of course, DD is 11 months old and into everything; covered with bruises from climbing escapades, today. Wouldn't dare take her to a restaurant. Clamouring & tantruming & heavy to carry around. A quiet, small, portable new baby seems like a lot less work.

So, Mo2, remember it's only a little while in your life.

Chinchilla · 15/09/2002 21:36

I totally agree with you Rhubarb (although I usually do anyway!) I spent the first two to three months of my ds's life worrying about everything that I did with him. I hardly held him because I was so worried. I missed so much, and wish I could go back in time, with the knowledge that I have now, and enjoy it properly this time. This is half the reason that I want a second child, because I know that I would feel the confidence to enjoy every moment. AND, ds was such a grumpy baby that any temperament would be a breeze!

Unfortunately, he was so grumpy and such hard work that dh does not want another, despite being besotted with him now.

I have kept a diary from when he was approximately 6 months, and wish that I had started it at birth, because it is a joy to go back and read all the things that he has achieved, and all the changes that have happened in his life.

I have a lump in my throat at the moment...was a wooss!

madonna · 15/09/2002 21:40

Chinchilla - are you Rhubard then?

Chinchilla · 15/09/2002 21:53

No, I don't have time to make a post in one name and then another in another name. Too exhausting. Rhubarb has just always struck me as giving good advice, and generally being a nice poster.

Anyway, she's not going to be able to get her head through the cyber door now!

parent · 15/09/2002 23:06

Thanks for advise about apending haircut for my boy. One of my prevoius messages said I was experience terrible two with him at the moment. Does anyone get really scared about if they are bringing up their kids right. My 2yr old boy has started hitting, screaming down the place when he doesn't get his own way, and telling you to shut up when you ask him to do something. Ive tried talking to him to get him to stop but he just screams at me. I've tried smacking him on the wrist. He just smacks back thinking it's a game. Ive tried putting him in his room but just screams the place down and makes himself sick. I found my Mum to get some advise and she gave me this horrible vision of what he could be like in 10 years time if its not sorted. Im at my wits end, I feel so out of control. My son was such a well behaved baby up to recently, i dont know what I,ve done wrong. I feel i must be a terrible mum for him to be acting this way, and because i can not seem to stop him from acting like this. I know i have also got a new baby and it might be some gealousy there but surely not so it completely alters his personality. Does anyone have any advise for me.

parent · 15/09/2002 23:20

Mo2. I know exactly how you feel ive recently moved to a new town fourty miles from where i used to live where all my friends are. My husband works 12 hours a day. Meaning i spend the majority of my time on my own with a 15 week old baby and a two year old. Keeping them entertained is a full time job as well as mind twisting. What i found recently is scheme called sure start which runs family centres 3 or 4 days a week. They have free creches most days, playgroups run by qualified people .My centre has also stated a computer course on one day that you can attend whilst the kids are in creche down stairs. Apparently sure start is run all around the country. Ask your health visitor if you have one where you live. I was going stark raving mad before i knew about it. It's a god send.

Azzie · 16/09/2002 05:41

Parent, not advice but a lot of sympathy. My ds was just 2 when dd arrived, and I clearly remember sitting sobbing my heart out one afternoon when dd was quite new, wondering what had happened to my lovely little boy (who had turned into a monster) and whether having another child had been a huge mistake. We struggled along, gave him as much reassurance as we could (after all, a new sibling is a huge life change for a small one to cope with), but tried to keep the rules clear - bad behaviour may be understandable but is not acceptable (not always easy with a toddler, I know ). We had our bad days, our good days, and our total nightmare days, but it gradually started to come right and ds and dd are great together now. So hang in there!

tickleybyday · 16/09/2002 13:07

I find the baby stage exceedingly boring and have to confess that I did not enjoy it at all, both times with ds and dd - not until they were both into the toddler stage that is. However, I do seem to have very difficult babies (never slept, cried alot, just not happy being a baby at all - but absolute joys once they were both walking).

Luckily, I have friends who both had babies at the same time as me so we do the tea and chat, mums and tots thing together so the time has gone relatively quickly. I even got a little evening job when dd was 6 months - just to retain my sanity as I felt I was going brain dead.

So, no - you are not alone. Now dd is 18 months old she is great fun and I am really enjoying her, there is a light at the end of the tunnel (honest).

Rhubarb · 16/09/2002 15:02

Just managed to fit my head round Chinchilla! Aww thank you all, I didn't think my post was that good! And I didn't get to read Jbr's, but I'm sure it was as controversial as ever - don't leave us Jbr!

I really am flattered by all the posts. I just hope that it helps Mo2, she hasn't posted since so I hope she managed to read it all. Like somebody said, I just wish I could bottle dd up sometimes and keep her the way she is - why do they have to grow up??? I'll have to print this thread off to read when she is a stroppy teenager and I'm thinking of turfing her out!!

nannyknowsbest · 16/09/2002 16:27

JBr's message was not so much contraversial as abusive in a personal manner. i'm scared of her so i've changed my name.

nannyknowsbest · 16/09/2002 16:28

JBr's message was not so much contraversial as abusive in a personal manner. i'm scared of her so i've changed my name.

Original poster

Mo2 · 16/09/2002 16:56

Rhubarb - I'm still here! And yes, thank you to everyone because the posts here DO help...
To be honest I think I was just having a particularly day when I posted - things already seem better: ds2 is now gurgling and smiling and now I've had my 6 week check & the all clear (post c-section) I can go back to the gym and start post natal classes etc)
Haven't been here recently 'cos I've been too busy!

OP posts:

Clarinet60 · 16/09/2002 18:27

Jbr - babies not hard work? Feeding shared?
You're not a bloke, are you?

Clarinet60 · 16/09/2002 18:27

Rhubarb, brilliant post. Captured it all.

Tortington · 17/09/2002 01:16

tut!! i miss all the best bits!
and i agree, babies are so hard i still have to leave the room when other peoples babies cry for a long time, its makes me anxious and upset, and i havent had to deal with that stuff for 9 years! my experiences are so bad and "oh wo is me" that i shant bore you
i think this has led to my allergy of other peoples kids, it even transfers to my own fairly often!

Demented · 17/09/2002 08:54

Haven't had time to read all this and I don't know what Jbr's message that was removed was all about but I think the ones left below it are getting close to abusive as well!

She has either had very 'good' babies or doesn't live on the same planet as me!

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