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Finding tiny baby boring - feeling guilty...

63 replies

Mo2 · 13/09/2002 16:53

I hate to admit it, but I'm soooo BORED already of having a new baby. I'd forgotton what a continuous round of feeding, changing etc it is.
Last time with ds (now almost 3) I had a group of NCT friends and we seemed to while away the hours together, but this time there aren't so many people around with babies the same age.
I tried to spend yesterday at our out of town shopping centre and came back miserable, as all ds2 wanted to do was feed or cry (neither helpful if trying to shop).
Spent today trying to make a trip to the park last 8 hours....
Ideas please... I'm feeling like a 'bad' mother who isn't 'enjoying' her baby....

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ks · 13/09/2002 17:12

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Mo2 · 13/09/2002 17:17

KS - thanks - I'm not totally fed up every day - just finding it difficult to slow down to 'baby pace' (used to work full time). DS2 is only 6 weeks - I'm expecting a lot from him!

OP posts:
Joe1 · 13/09/2002 17:30

Mo2 I dont think it is just expecting too much from baby but probably abit too much from yourself. I think when we are pregnant, especially the last few weeks, we cant do much and yearn for the baby to be born so we can get back out into the world, especially when you have a toddler to look after aswell. I also know what you mean about slowing down, especially when you are active, its hard for a while. But it takes longer to recover from birth than we give ourselves. I am already planning all these things I will be doing when baby is born but in the back of my mind I have these thoughts of, remains to be seen if I will be able to do it all so early. Pecker up it is early days, enjoy the slower pace of life.

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WideWebWitch · 13/09/2002 18:20

Mo2, I don't blame you: it is boring imo! Don't feel bad about it! Could you go to a mother and baby group just to meet people? I know that feeling of trying to make a trip to the park last 8 hours: remember looking at my watch and thinking "blimey it's ONLY 10 o'clock, how can that be?" Will post more if I think of anything constructive to add but you have my sympathy.

janh · 13/09/2002 18:56

Remember the advice about how to tell older siblings about new arrival? "He/she will be really boring and no fun,you won't be able to play with him/her for ages..." Subliminal message for the mum there too.

(Reminds me, I saw a mum in Sainsbos this aft with a boy about 3 and a really new baby in a baby-and-toddler trolley, baby was being hugged over-enthusiastically, mum said calmly "he'll be sick on you in a minute", older child jerked upright and started talking to her instead!)

Mo2, the first few weeks are more or less solid tedium, and you look back on the last few weeks of pregnancy with real nostalgia! Well, I did. But you are almost over the worst now. Where are your NCT friends now? None of them have babies or you/they have moved? What about taking DS1 & 2 to a toddler group? I know at 3 DS1 is a bit old for it but there might be somebody for you and he will probably like the toys...good luck!

SofiaAmes · 13/09/2002 18:58

Mo2....small babies (and even big ones sometimes) ARE boring. I ordered 20 paperback mysteries from Amazon.com just before my ds was born. I think I read almost one a day and watched lots of trash tv and ran up an enormous phone bill. By 8 months I was absolutely desparate to go back to work. I'm due in two weeks and and wondering what I'm going to fill my 6 months maternity leave with this time. Hopefully more than just mumsnet.

sobernow · 13/09/2002 21:51

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ionesmum · 13/09/2002 21:52

We went to under-ones today and I'd forgotten how all that newborns do is cry and feed and (if you are lucky) sleep. I second the idea about loads of books (try Oxfam or similar) or videos to watch.

Jbr · 13/09/2002 22:03

This is one of the great myths I'm afraid. It isn't "hard work" but it's not very interesting.

I found it interesting for about 2 weeks but when I finally felt well enough to work I was glad that I could.

Willow2 · 13/09/2002 22:54

Jbr - I think lots of people do find it incredibly "hard work". I certainly found that nothing I had done before in my career came close. I might not have been mentally stimulated - but I have never been as exhausted, stressed or demoralised in my life as I was in those first few months. I would have swapped them for the eighteen hour days of my previous job at the drop of a hat. And believe me, my old boss is famous for being a dragon.

Willow2 · 13/09/2002 22:55

But I do agree that babies, while sweet, can be as dull as ditchwater.

Rhubarb · 13/09/2002 22:56

Hmmm, not hard work is it? Feeding every two hours, no sleep, no appetite, crying getting on your wits, endless nappy changes, telephone going just as you are getting off to sleep, worries about the slightest 'funny noise' your baby is making, feeling so tired that getting dressed is a major chore, partner wanting to 'spend time with you', bleeding, leaking breasts, emotionally distraught, I tell you what Jbr, I have never done anything in my life that was as tiring and draining as looking after dd those first couple of months. Now dh will say "you didn't do much did you?" and I could swing for him! No, on the outset you don't do much, you can't, your body is trying to cope with providing for you and your baby, that is bloody hard work no matter what anyone says!

What I would say to you Mo2 is that all of the above is how I felt when dd was born. Now she is 2 and I feel that I missed out on a lot when she was a baby. I hardly ever fell asleep with her next to me, I was too paranoid, I didn't enjoy feeding her, now I wish I had, I can't even remember what she looked like. It seems like forever when you are there with them, but this time next year it will seem like time has ripped you off. Make time for the sweeter side of your newborn, do let ds fall asleep on your breast, savour his baby features, cuddle him as much as you can - once they get to six months they'll object to being overly cuddled! Make the most of his good features and concentrate on them. Everything changes with babies at the drop of a hat, one minute they are keeping you awake every hour, next sleeping through, but you can be sure that for every bad habit they drop, they'll acquire another one! The consolation is nothing lasts long, that includes their babyness. Write a diary of how he looks, how he smells, how he feels, you will forget all of this soon, and it can be devastating when you realise that your ds is no longer a baby. Enjoy him for now, you'll soon be feeling broody again I promise!

mears · 14/09/2002 00:05

Good advice from Rhubarb - before you know it your baby will be gone. No doubt about it newborns aren't very lively but the stages they go through are amazing when you stop to watch their development. Try not to wish it away.

ScummyMummy · 14/09/2002 00:16

What a lovely post rhubarb. I will relinquish Custardo to you in honour of your sweet eloquence.

Ghosty · 14/09/2002 01:03

Rhubarb, you have hit the nail on the head. I felt exactly all of those feelings of boredom (well, resentment really) and thinking that I was doing everything for so little return.
Today I cried because my DH brought our DS home from having a hair cut. My baby is no longer a baby, he has a number 4 all over with a gelled peak at the front and looks like a real little boy! Where have the last nearly 3 years gone? I didn't start to enjoy DS until he was about 10 months old and feel that I have missed out on the most precious time of our lives together.
Mo2 - what you're feeling is natural but like mears says, don't wish it away. It will go so quickly.

sobernow · 14/09/2002 08:27

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ionesmum · 14/09/2002 15:21

Rhubarb, your post is beautiful. I wish I could bottle how dd smells, what it is like to hold her in my arms or kiss her downy head, what her baby smiles are like. The first few months with her were the hardest of my life both physically and emotionally but they went so quickly. There was so much that I'd wished I'd done (keep a diary, take lots of photos etc) that I just didn'thave the energy for and I so wish I had now.

parent · 14/09/2002 18:06

Got 2yr old boy and 15 week old girl. My boy riving me up the wall. Reached terrible two's. Has anyone got any advise about how to handle a 12hr scream temper tantrum session as he not getting what he wants.

parent · 14/09/2002 18:13

My boy has beautiful blonde curly hair, but its getting too long. Everyone thinks he's a girl. Ive been putting having his hair cut because his dad had same hair as baby but once cut never came back. It'll take some getting used to seing it short and him with proper boys hair cut. Im also nervous about how they are going to keep him still whilst they cut it. How does it work anyone know.

Jasper · 14/09/2002 22:07

Parent, in my opinion cute wee boys with long hair look even cuter with short hair.
Why not cut it yourself?
that's what I do with my boy, now 3 1/2.

WideWebWitch · 14/09/2002 22:47

parent, my dh cut ds's hair the first time and I cried! I'd give it a go yourself too, at that age they do find it hard to sit still but you're probably the person who knows best what will temporarily distract him.

Azzie · 15/09/2002 06:47

Parent, when it came time for my ds to have his beautiful blond curls cut (people used to think he was a girl too), I sent him off with dh. He looked sooo grown up when he came back - a very cute little man. Three years down the line taking ds for a haircut is still Daddy's job, they go together and have a little male bonding session . I took dd for her first cut a few weeks ago, she sat so still and was so excited at going to the hairdressers like a grown up (she's 2 & 3/4). Truth be told, it all went a lot better than I had expected!

Chinchilla · 15/09/2002 10:44

Parent - The first time I had my ds's lovely curly and soft hair cut, I asked the hairdresser to keep a piece of it for me. I then put it in my locket. You could do this if you are worried about it never being the same again. Plus, I'm sure you've got loads of photographs.

I agree with the others though, my ds looks even more gorgeous now that he looks like a proper little boy. I went in with him, and he sat on my lap whilst it was being cut. It was tricky, and he wasn't exactly still whilst it was being done, but h/dressers do this all the time, and only cut when they can do so safely. When it came to doing the hair over the ears, I just held his head gently to me, without scaring him, and it was fine. I also recommend taking his favourite small toy, so that you can shake it to distract your ds.

HTH

Deborahf · 15/09/2002 10:59

Hi Mo2 - brings back so many memories Love dd to pieces and was so delighted when we brought her home. And I clearly remember saying to ds, then aged 5½, that she'd be quite boring for a while as she couldn't play with him yet. Also that she'd spend a lot of time crying, sleeping and eating!!!! I remember going to the shops almost everyday so that I'd have some adult conversation Still that has resulted in some excellent service now - and lots of compliments as dd has grown up.

So, yes I agree babies are so boring - but they grow into the most wonderful little individuals. DD is now almost a year (next Tuesday) and she's a delight. She laughs like a drain, likes nothing better than being chased by ds and dh, loves playing with her food, etc.

Jbr · 15/09/2002 14:43

Feeding every TWO hours?

Every 4 in mine. Also, it was SHARED.

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